Social problems

[good_and_bad]

Hi, i'm currently on medical break from work because of a relatively severe case of depression I should have dealt with years ago. I'll find myself doing better and better, focussing on getting better, going outside, eating ealthy etc. However everyday I find myself drowned in negative thoughts because of my social life; I'm a 21 year old male who has never had any sort of relashionship with a woman, we're talking no kissing, no touching, no sex and barely even a friendsihp. The closest connection I have to any woman out of my familly is with my female coworkers and that's just from talking at work. This makes it hard for me to feel like a man and sometimes even makes it hard for me to feel human... whenever I start going for a new relationship with anyone I always feel like I'm somewhat of an inconveniance to them or at least like I'll never really fit into their lives, never be truly important to them.

[Magicdreamer]

I hope someone beats you to it and comes to talk to you first. We all deserve connection with others but there's a voice in our heads that says your gonna get hurt or you're not good enough or you'll make a fool of yourself and so on.... This is the voice of your ego trying to keep you in a space if seperation. They become beliefs when you choose to believe them and I know it's hard to understand that the voice inside your head isn't actually yours.... I really hope you build up the courage to just jump into a conversation but I also understand your pain.... I'm a big fan of Teal Swan and envious of Americans as there are no completion process therapists in South Africa so I've been doing a lot of the work myself from her teachings and I've grown leaps and bounds from where I was. She's on YouTube if you're interested to learn more. Keep an open mind. All the best! God bless! Xx

[good_and_bad in reply to Magicdreamer]

Thank you so much for the response. I'll do my best to keep trying and will definetly check out Teal Swan!

[good_and_bad in reply to Magicdreamer]

I've been reading up on Teal Swan and I gotta say most of her teachings are not resonating with me personally but I would be very interested in knowing what you took from her if you don't mind. Maybe I'm missing something and I'll see things in a different way!

[Magicdreamer in reply to good_and_bad]

She has various videos regarding the truth of who we are as well as how we all got the the point of being conditioned through generations of belief system passed on from generation to generation.... These thoughts create emotions so if you have a negative thought you will experience a negative emotion so it's a full process of understanding why we experience the emotions we experience and how inner child trauma occurs from a young age and is carried into adulthood and how healing the emotional wounds heals those traumas so we can live an authentic life and a life filled with joy, love and connection...

[hypercat54]

Well people have a choice of being in a relationship with you or not so those who do must see something in you that they like. As far as women go I wonder if you come across as 'desperate'? This is the biggest way to scare them off.

My advice is to concentrate on meeting women as friends so take yourself out and get a social life. If this doesn't work then look at your own behaviour and see if you can identify what is happening. x

[Calm_mama]

Hey there! First off, you are young and you are not alone in your experience. 21 is young! So much life ahead of you... Some of my friends, including my BFF from high school, were not in any kind of romantic anything until later in their 20's. Here's my suggestion: I would highly recommend therapy with a cognitive behavioral therapist. These kinds of therapists help you change your cognitive distortions (That you'll be an inconvenience to someone, not fit in their lives, etc...these thoughts are, in fact, FALSE) and help you change your behavior along with it. This leads to feeling more confident, more positive, less afraid, and better all-around. Your therapy homework would start off slow and easy, but might eventually be something like this: Ask out 30 young ladies in the next week and see if you can get a date. Scary, right? The goal is to get rejected often (because that is reality for all of us) but maybe get one or two dates out of it. The goal is to start taking the risk and possible rejection in stride. The goal is to become habituated to the experience of putting yourself out there. The goal is to start to develop an attitude of, "welp, that didn't go well but hey, I've only talked to 10 people so far, I've got one date, 20 more people to ask out, and this is actually getting easier..". This is just one example of an activity/homework a good CBT therapist would nudge you to do.

You sound like a lovely person! I bet romance is right around the corner for you..

[good_and_bad in reply to Calm_mama]

I've just had a truly horrible night to the point where I had to call a facility that houses people having a hard time and am currently waiting on them to call me to tell me they have a space. I'm honestly not sure how I'm going to make it all the way through but your comment made me realise it might be worth it and I thank you for that. With all my heart.

Thank you.

[Calm_mama in reply to good_and_bad]

Good for you for getting help. This may be a truly excellent step towards getting some wonderful help.

This group is here for you- check in with us soon. Big hugs to you.