How to deal with the hurt

[Runningfargal]

Does anyone else ever feel like sometimes it just hurts to be alive? To hide your own internal hell from everyone, even from those that know how you struggle? This gray fog or black cloud just never seems to disappear. How do you keep going day after day when you feel so replaceable?

[Hidden]

In my experience, hiding dark feelings only makes them worse and can breed shame.

I had learned to hide them (I'm not fully sure why) --- so, I would suggest try and find a place where you can let a little out safely.

I came here to do that because it is anonymous. I continue to do so because people here withhold judgement.

[Suzhou]

I always hide my feelings. I know it’s bad. But I don’t want people to know how close to ending it I am. The black fog doesn’t go away. I just have to fight to keep it from completely taking over. Coming on this website helps a lot. I don’t feel replaceable because if I died my friends and family would be sad. Sometimes that’s what keeps me alive because. I don’t want them to feel pain. Like the pain I feel. So sometimes I stay alive for them and not me. I’m not saying I’m happy. I’m barley getting out of bed. But. I’m alive aren’t I.

[snow_queen]

100% agree with gnmyers. this group is a very good place to vent your struggles!

when I'm losing the will to keep going, I remind myself of 2 things: 1) I made a promise not to die and I don't go back on promises and 2) if I gave up, I would be giving the people who love me all of the pain I'm suffering now, plus I wouldn't be there to help them through it. and even when my brain makes me question if people even love me, I don't want to do that to them.

[gleason9guy]

I deal with the feelings by filtering them through music and art. I immediately feel in control, as I'm channeling the muck to a contained place.

[hypercat54]

Hi I am like snow_queen in that I made a promise to myself many years ago that I wouldn't give up but would work on making myself more content and living a life which is bearable and even a bit happy at times. x

[Kat63]

Yes, I’ve felt this way much of my life. I’ve been lucky enough to have some good times, but they don’t seem to last.

[Runningfargal]

Thank you everyone. It’s hard to find motivation to keep going when I’m hiding. I’m trying to be more open but it feels so very wrong to burden people with my ugliness and negativity. I know it helps some but I then feel so guilty. Who would want to listen to me or my stuff and why? I can’t quite comprehend why people even seem to care, I’m not worth caring about. It’s all I know, it’s all I’ve felt for so long I just believe to be true. It’s very hard to change that mindset.