Self absorbed

[Reallife72]

So, I met this lady a couple of days ago. We were talking about the aqua aerobics class and I said something about ugh wearing a bathing suit and how I know that’s silly and how I was nervous about going to a yoga class for the first time etc. And she said something about not being so self absorbed. She wasn’t being rude or anything. But afterwards it bothered me bc I felt like she had my number. Like, was she a psychologist? Lol, well maybe. So I found an article online about being self absorbed (narcissistic) and mental health. It was a good article. I am not sure if we are allowed to post links on here but I will if anyone is interested. Now what do I do with this enlightenment? Are there any ideas how to shift my focus to thinking of others. There are definitely things in my past that have affected me and I am sure there is a genetic component to my anxiety and depression. I don’t think I am self absorbed at the expense of others. But I can definitely see how I spend a lot of time focusing on how something makes me feel orbhow it affects ME, etc. any insights to this? Sorry if I’m rambling

[a_work_in_progress]

Hi real . If you just met this lady a few days ago I don’t think she really knows you well enough to give you this label. Only you know yourself and only you can decide if what she says is true. Knowledge is power. There sure is a lot on narcissism on line. I don’t think a narcissist would even question if they’re a narcissist. So I think you’re safe

[Reallife72 in reply to a_work_in_progress]

Thank you!!

[hypercat54]

Hi depression and anxiety in themselves are notorious for making us more self absorbed as we are very conscious of ourselves and how we appear to others. Intead of focusing inwards so much make conscious efforts to look outward more as this is a way to heal.

It doesn't mean you are a narcissist or anything. x

[Reallife72 in reply to hypercat54]

I am going to try. I always heard when you were feeling down you should help someone else.

[hypercat54 in reply to Reallife72]

Up to a point yes. But never to the extent you ignore your own needs. x

[mom_teacher_artist]

I think we're too hard on ourselves, and she probably said this from a place of insecurity. Most people struggle with letting go of what others think, and people who feel bad all the time are even less likely to feel good enough to do anything, let alone wear a bathing suit. Self reflection is good, but you don't sound self centered or absorbed, else how could you have heard what she said? Maybe you are afraid of what people think. I live my life in fear of peoples opinions myself, but I just keep remembering that I can take care of myself, and if someone doesn't like me because I am "fat" (if I shame myself) or "don't work hard enough" (if I feel guilty) what will actually happen to me? Will I die? Maybe it feels like it, but probably not. I guess taking action and walking through the fear is the only way to combat that. Just be kind to yourself, because Ive been in plenty of yoga classes where all I could think about is if I smelled funny or if I was doing it right. Theres no wrong way to take care of you. Some Saturdays self care is yoga, and some Saturdays its laying in bed to read.

[Reallife72 in reply to mom_teacher_artist]

Thank you! Yes I do worry way too much about what people think. It is such a struggle to even get to the gym. Baby steps, I guess. She wasn’t really directing it at me. It was more like “we” shouldn’t be so self absorbed. I think she was meaning exactly what you said...worrying about what other people think. It just opened up another way to think about my depression and a way out maybe lol. And also at my age, entering a new phase of my life is making me more introspective too.

[Hidden]

Everyone is an armchair psychologist. I wouldn’t take what she says to heart. So many factors play into depression and anxiety. Being concerned about how you look in a swimsuit isn’t self absorbed.

[Reallife72 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you!!

[hypercat54]

I remember many years ago a co-worker I barely knew saying 'Why do you pretend to be scatty when you are not?' That has always stuck with me coz he was right. x

[Reallife72 in reply to hypercat54]

Isn’t it amazing the things we never forget? I can remember telling my mom about something she said to me that was hurtful and she didn’t remember saying it and never would have thought it was hurtful. Even though it had been eating at me for years! 🙄 what does scatty mean?

[hypercat54 in reply to Reallife72]

Absent minded and disorganised. x

[Teenie1]

I too had a throwaway comment like that which has resonated with me for years. I had been suffering from anxiety and depression for several years , then I discovered I was pregnant. When I called my mum to tell her she said 'Well maybe that'll stop you thinking about yourself so much' . I realise now that she genuinely meant that she hoped it would be good for me, but at the time it just fuelled my low self esteem as I took it to mean that she was fed up listening to me going on about me and my problems. Now that I am at an age where I may be receiving that news from either of my two wonderful sons, I will make sure that my response is one of joy and happiness. People sometimes just don't appreciate the power their words and responses can have , but it is possible to change the way you react to other peoples' reactions and treatment of you. They can only upset or hurt you if you allow them to. Stay strong xx

[Reallife72]

Yes you make some great points. Along with you, and I think this is good, I too learned from my mother’s mistakes on several fronts. And I hope my kids learn from mine (cringing here to think of some of my stupid ones). Or I could just blame my mother for that too😂.

I’m pretty sure people aren’t thinking all the stuff about me that I worry about. And when I catch myself worrying about it, I realize I am spending time focusing on me again.