Some days are good other days it takes everything in me to get by. To force a smile just so people dont instantly assume I am down. Because I know they are looking for it... reading me.... waiting to see what kind of mood I am in. It makes me feel so alone.
Family and friends don’t really seem to care so I’ve gotten good at just keeping to myself. The pain that comes from loneliness is excruciating.
Hi LuLu.
I have a friend who suffers the same as you. She holds so many deep, deep things within all day, every day that she becomes a ticking time bomb. And I don't mean she explodes into fury all of a sudden or comes out and asks for help finally, (she would never); I mean that when it all finally gets too much, she isolates herself and cries for many hours. She has anxiety so bad, she calls in sick.
The reason I am telling you about her is to point out that I know these things about her without her ever saying the words.
So, I can assume that although you work hard to keep your pain wrapped up away from inconveniencing anyone, someone still sees you. Hears your pain in your hello.
The scary part is that most of us don't know how to crack those shells. We don't know if that's what you want us to do. We just hope that you will tell us when you really need our help.
Tell someone. Trust in someone. Believe that someone loves you enough to hear your feelings safely. Think about who that might be. Maybe it isn't a family member. I certainly can't rely on mine. Maybe it is us, here online.
Maybe it's a friend. A doctor. A group therapy. A journal.
Just know this, everyone who lets another day pass accepting of your fake smiles does so with fake smiles of their own. You really never know just how lonely someone else is until you say your words.
Take care.
Great reply and so true. x
Words cannot express how thankful I am that you reached out like you did. Hearing about your friend really helped. I haven’t worked in 6 years due to agoraphobia, anxiety and depression. I’m a homemaker and mom. From dawn to dusk I take care of others. I know being a mom is often a thankless job but I really do feel invisible within my family and I don’t have many friends... actually I don’t have any friends since I left work years ago. And I’m fine with that. I always have been an introvert so it doesn’t bother me much.
Because I’ve kept to myself so much and don’t work, I’ve noticed it’s becoming harder and harder to express how I feel.
Like now, lol I wish I could explain better than I am.
.... thank you for reaching out.
Hi I think your family are so used to you being the care giver that they are taking you for granted. However you need to attend to your own needs sometimes and show them that you are not there just to wait on and look after them.
From time to time leave them to cope and go and do something you want to do, which will help you whether it's just a long walk to clear your head. Don't be instantly available to your family and endlessly self sacrificing. x
Hi hypercat, thank you you are so right! I’ve done this from time to time and it always helps me tremendously. I have a day date with myself today. Taking myself to lunch and walk.
Good for you. Also don't be afraid to tell your loved ones what you need sometimes as we do have a tendancy to expect them to be mind readers! x
Imagines with my happy childhood play in front of my eyes. When time passed and I grew up I was more and more unhappy, with physical manifestation of depression and anxiety. Today I'm lost in this life, feeling that I missed my purpose somewhere in the road of life.
I was in a hurry to grow up. Was it like this for you too?
Hanging by a thread
Getting worse
Neurological issues caused by anxiety?
this is getting ridiculous now