i'm new here. I need to vent but more importantly I need advice

[longinglotus]

Today i found out about this group. I have been in a hard place for a while.

my parents just don't understand my depression just doesn't go away i cant just

"be happy". one of my parents is very toxic. my emotions don't matter. i either clean

, do the laundry or i need to just be quiet and don't make waves.

If i get yelled at for something stupid.... i cry. i don't want to cry. the tears just flowing and my throat feels tight. when this happens i get in trouble for crying. my emotions don't matter to this person. I am technically an adult so childish emotions are not aloud. any ideas on what i can do?

[Stilltrying_]

It's good that you recognise what is going on. Can I ask what is your age and is there any prospect of you being able to live independently of your parents at some point?

[longinglotus in reply to Stilltrying_]

I will be turning 18 in August. since I am not permitted to get a job until I get my license and not allowed to get my license until I completely finish my drivers' ed. I don't think I'll be able to move out as soon as I turn 18. I will never survive if I make my parents upset and burn the bridge that leads me to my only financial support line. I won't have time to save enough money to purchase a cheap place or even make my car payments.

[Hidden]

I think Stilltrying_ has a good point. If you're an adult, you could live independently from your parents. If you're done with high school, you could go off to school and get away from your toxic parent(s). If I were you, I would talk to a hotline or counselor to see what the best choice is.

Hope you are able to resolve this! We want you safe, not in an abusive household.

[longinglotus in reply to Hidden]

thank you. I shall look into that.

[RaisingArrowsMama]

I am sorry you are going through all this, but as Stilltrying mentioned, it is very good that you are aware of what is going on. While it may not be feasible for you to move out at the time, is there anything preventing you from going to counseling? I believe counseling would be a very helpful tool at this point and it help you cope with the situation as it is now at home, and help you prepare for your next step in life, be it moving away for school or finding a job and trying to move into a healthier environment. Many churches or Christian organizations offer free counseling and guidance. One of the key things you need right now is an anchor in life something/someone to hang on to and keep you anchored and Jesus can do that for you... finding God and seeking Him thru prayer is something that transformed my life, because even when things get pretty bleak, I know He is there to hold me and give me strength to keep going. Ask Him to help you and give you strength to keep going and don't give up, He made you and He loves you and you are a wonderful person that simply needs healing and healthy environment to flourish in. Praying for you!