Why are you putting walls that don't have to be there? Those are the words I remember when I find myself running away. It's what an old co-worker of mine asked me a while back. There were 7 of us, rookies. We were the new guys in the office and we were trapped in a room together for 3 weeks getting "trained". Not really. They left us to fend for ourselves from the very beginning. All we had was each other. But I didn't like the idea of being in a group and exposing myself to strangers. I never had. Not since I stopped trusting in people. But I would soon learn that life is better with other people, with friends.
Yeah I've been hurt before. I've been letdown and as a result I became a loner for a long time. I made myself believe that people were better off without me. I learned the art of turning my back on others when things got hard. Now here I was in a new job experiencing life as part of a social circle like I never had before.
This wasn't just another case of senseless casual talk that I became so used to over the years. This was much deeper. I got a chance to know all six of those guys personally. We learned each others strengths and weaknesses. We talked about dreams and failures. It took me the longest to open up, but it happened with time. I was the most resistant to change in the beginning, but when the time came to depart from them, i was probably the most devastated.
The guy who asked me the question about building walls did so because during the first few days of work I decided to seat alone at my own table while they sat in their own. His words made me question my actions afterwards. One of the girls reminded me, "We're suppose to be a team." And then I realized I was just making an awkward mess for no reason. Kadee was the most blunt person out of the group. When we were doing some desk work she asked me why I never joined in their conversations. Truth is I had no experience in life like they did so therefore I had nothing to say, but I told her that I was just here for business and not to make friends. I felt bad for being so cold. I guess deep down inside I just wished I was like her: joyful, blunt, and full of life.
Those guys never gave up on me. We went through so much together. They took me out of my shell and showed me new places. We had ups and downs. We became like family with time. I became myself in front of them and they learned to accept me for who I was. I didn't have to hide. Because of them I learned the importance of just giving up and going with the flow no matter how things turned out. I learned that the world wasn't all ruthless and out to get you. I knew this bond wouldn't last forever, but I was okay with that. Just knowing that I was in the moment with them was all that really mattered.
One by one we began to quit for various reasons. The car business was rough, but this place was a lie from the start. One guy, my closest friend, was let go from there because he loved his life more than the job. Out of 7 now there were only 4 of us. I couldn't help but feel a sense of grief for the others. We were suppose to be a team and we were suppose to all have make it out successfully. All the dreams and hopes we had were just that. When my time came to go Kadee was the first one to hug me and shed a tear. I don't know why but I felt the most emotionally attached to her. I was cold in the beginning towards her. I was the most indiferent of the bunch, but now here I was feeling this brotherly affection towards her. The other two guys were just as hurt to see me go. The job was hard in its own right, but I enjoyed it because they were there to share those moments with me.
I wouldn't have made it far without my crew of friends. I wouldn't be prepared for future friendships and similar situations without them. I took a quality from each of those guys and redefined myself. If you can take anything from here it is that life is just more fun with others. Why be bitter and grumpy? Why hold grudges and build walls? They don't have to be there.
sexual orientation crisis and unrequited love
Heading into the weekend....Part 2
The Fairness of Life
A little wisdom of importance
Grief-end of a friendship 
