I think the hardest thing for me to deal with as I'm working toward a healthier me is the loneliness. I've had a very bad habit of trying to always be in some sort of relationship my entire life. I've never really ever taken any time to just be single and get used to being alone. I hate it completely and I believe now that I'm learning I tend to be an extrovert I kinda understand why. Here is my current dilemma though. I'm so unhealthy a relationship really isn't possible currently because it wouldn't be fair to put anyone else through me learning to be healthier so I can function as the best me possible. Plus with Covid the way it is right now I couldn't even go out and try to make new friends if I wanted to currently. This leaves me pinned up most days with the only company I have being a three year old and his mom. Nothing against them but I just feel this intense loneliness and longing for the type of connection most people associate with a relationship. I miss the snuggling and the hanging out together and the feeling like there is no place else you would rather be in the world. I would include missing sex but if I'm being totally honest I'm my 40 years I have never had a great sex life even when I was in a relationship. Is it too much to want all of that while I'm still trying to get myself healthier so I can improve my quality of life as well as confidence and self esteem?
Constantly Lonely: I think the hardest... - Anxiety and Depre...
Constantly Lonely
It’s a lonely time for me too. Although I’ve never had that habit of needing to be in a relationship I just find that stressful.
I definitely think you should focus on you though! You can do it. I believe in you!!
You are not alone!
Thank you. I know I'm not alone it just seems like it a lot of the time lately and I blame my bad habit of going from one relationship to another for it. I just got out of one that I had been in for almost 6 years at the beginning of September. I'm trying so hard to get healthy so I might actually have a shot at a healthy relationship finally.
I can relate with you totally!!
I am sorry that you feel lonely sending kindness and support
Hey Dragon, be the dragon that u are
I read what u posted. This is the problem that I have encounted in life, people end up being pressured to be in relationships bcz fear of being laughed for being single. What are the results? Loveless relationships with no depth. Do not be in a hurry to be in one. Find urself, study urself, learn what makes u happy and what doesn't. Bcz of pressure, children are stuck in single homes missing both parents. I love the fact that u are saying u want to study urself. Don't be in a hurry. We humans tend to be physically grown and mentally chdish that we come accros problems in relationship which we can't solve. So, keep to what u are doing and study urself. You can be lonely even when u are married. Yes we humans need attention and love, but don't hurry, u will find what u need when u know urself better. Talk about sex, do u know that some people crave sex so much and get married hurriedly because they thought marriage was going to solve their sex problems only to find out that they sleep in separate bedroom after two or three years of marriage and become virgins again...Dont stress so much as to make a mistake which will take away what needs to be done.... Just be the dragon that u are.... I support your decision of finding who u are and get exactly what u want.
My problem isn't I don't wanna be here with them. I love them both and enjoy every second we spend together. My problem is how it makes it more difficult at times because I'm in love with her and her son.
I totally get what you are saying. The last relationship I was in turned so toxic my best friend had to make me leave for my own health because I was just unwilling to make myself do what needed to be done and leave. Also when it comes to sex I am finding it a problem because I have never had sex outside of being in a relationship so as my roommate has pointed out it leads to equating sex with a relationship which can be a huge problem in itself. If Covid wasn't happening I would be taking her advice and going to a brothel with an open.mind and no expectations as silly as it may sound
Thank you. You are right though that working on me and finding.who I really am will help in the long run.
No. Self improvement is always the answer. It's especially the answer to how to get what you want out of life. It's not wrong to feel lonely- it's just an emotion like anger, sadness, frustration, etc. So my answer is to help yourself get through those emotions so that you can put your focus on loving yourself and improving your own emotional health. Because when you improve yourself and love yourself you put that positive energy out there and positive things happen. And those things you want will come to you.
Hey Dragon, I'm a little confused by what your relationship to this mom and the 3yr old are. That's only a little bit related to the point I want to make here....Self improvement, of course that's great. Increasing your emotional, mental wellbeing also great--we all need to build more resilience. But relationships are something else entirely. They don't just happen, we have to work at them. Sometimes that's playing offense--love as the verb and sometimes that's playing defense--setting boundaries, clarifying your own emotional needs. Sure, working on yourself will make you better at building relationships, but relationship isn't a medal either. No one is going to be like congratulations, you're good to go, you can be in a relationship with me now. I just get this sense that you've elevated the idea of a relationship to a level that may be unrealistic. And just because you're not in one right now doesn't mean you've done anything wrong either. A chemical reaction has to take place under pretty precise conditions, if only humans were so easy. I'm trying to give you permission to cut yourself some slack here. And I also encourage you to take a good long look at this mom & kid and build that relationship some--doesn't have to be romantic, doesn't have to be a source of loneliness either.
Prayers bro.
My relationship is with her. She is my best friend and her son is just a bonus to the package. I love kids and he is no exception. He took to me since day one and we have been fast friends since then. I say I'm not ready for a relationship because I'm not stable and I feel bringing anyone into my hot mess isn't fair to them. As for cutting myself some slack, I've been doing that my whole life and that is part of the reason I'm where I am. For anything to improve, I need to be strict with myself to make headway.
Ok bro. Maybe you're at the point in which you can let it go a little bit. If they've been with you this long, they're prolly willing to forgive. More likely, there's nothing to forgive. Forgiving yourself isn't about tolerating your bad choices, it's about acknowledging your mistake and moving forward. I get the sense that you're not letting yourself advance the ball. God speed.
I'm working on advancing things. Little by little. It is a marathon not a sprint for me but I will be better for the journey
Persevere brother. Seems to me that your heart is in the right place.
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