Please help

[Peacefrogs]

A little background. I am a single mother, 39 years old. I have a spinal cord injury and use a wheelchair due to a car accident in 02

Right now I am having SEVERE health anxiety and don’t know how to stop it.

At the end of January I got the stomach flu. After around the 5th day I knew something wasn’t right. So I went to the er. From the diarrhea I was dehydrated. There they diagnosed me with dehydration, a uti and my lipase level was elevated.

That is what sent me into panic mode. They said that most likely it was due to the infection and inflammation in my stomach. But they said the word pancreas and my mind just went into overdrive. They sent me home on an antibiotic and it took a couple of weeks but everything turned back to normal. I told my dr about my pancreas concern and he said for peace of mind he’d redo my blood tests. They came back fine and my lipase returned to normal. So I tried to calm myself down. Started going back to CrossFit to exercise and after the 3rd night I woke up with severe rib pain. I keep hoping and telling myself that it was soreness from exercising but I can’t get the thought of pancreatic cancer out of my head! I’m obsessed. I’ve ran every site on it and read horror stories. One woman said she had it even though bloodwork came back fine and that’s what I keep telling myself.

[Emily16]

Hello!!👋🏽 It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot at the moment. May I ask if you try to distract yourself once you start having these scary thoughts? Would it be difficult for you to avoid looking online all together? If you need anyone to chat with, I’m here.🙋🏽‍♀️

[Peacefrogs in reply to Emily16]

Thank you for the reply! I can’t stop looking online. I’ve literally read the same sites over and over. I have 3 kids ages 19, 13 and 10 I feel like I’m being so unfair to them. I’m not able to be happy and carefree for them. I don’t work outside the home so I have a lot (too much) time to think.

[Emily16 in reply to Peacefrogs]

Do you like to read? That’s one of my go to things to distract me. I also pray. It helps bring peace to my mind and it strengthens me as a person.

[Peacefrogs in reply to Emily16]

I’m not much of a reader but definitely believe in prayer.

[Emily16 in reply to Peacefrogs]

Awesome! Prayer is very powerful. If I’m feeling really low, I like to pray St. Michael the Archangel prayer over and over and over to myself just to keep my mind from thinking of sad/scary/negative thoughts. Is there a prayer that you really enjoy?

[Peacefrogs in reply to Emily16]

May I ask what that prayer is?

[Emily16 in reply to Peacefrogs]

It’s a Catholic prayer. It goes like this:

St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in the day of battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And you, O prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God banish into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who roam through the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.

[jkl5500 in reply to Peacefrogs]

I suggest that you stop reading "horror stories" online, and tell your doctor of your fears. Please don't "play doctor" with yourself! Take all your health concerns to your doctor, and let him or her evaluate you. All you probably need is some reassurance, since your last blood tests came back fine.

[Peacefrogs in reply to jkl5500]

Thanks for the reply! I’ve talked to both dr’s about my fears and they both tell me they’re not worried about it being pancreatic cancer because of my labs and because of my age. While it is rare, I’ve read that younger people than me have gotten it.

[jkl5500 in reply to Peacefrogs]

Here's my advice: If your last blood test came back fine, and the MD's ruled out pancreatic cancer, then you should too. If you are obsessed with fear of cancer, I think you should find a therapist so you can finally achieve your peace of mind.

[Peacefrogs in reply to jkl5500]

Thank you for the advice. Sometimes it can be hard to admit you need a therapist, but I’ve definitely been thinking about this because my thoughts are endless and don’t stop and I’m miserable because of it. For some, probably even most a simple blood test and dr’s reassurance is enough. But for me it’s the what if’s. What if they’re missing it. What if I needed further testing..

[jkl5500 in reply to Peacefrogs]

Ask yourself this question: Who is more qualified to evaluate your health - you, or the MD's? If you ask me, I'd say it's the MD's. But if you just can't get this out of your head, please start therapy to get to the cause of this, and give yourself some peace.

[Peacefrogs in reply to jkl5500]

I will definitely be checking into it. As of now I’m just miserable and mentally exhausted. And to answer your question.. my anxiety says that I know my body better.

[jkl5500 in reply to Peacefrogs]

You deserve some peace of mind. It's a shame that (according to your last blood test) you're all upset over nothing. I hope you begin treatment soon.

[Icanbeathis2016]

We definitely have much in common in the scale of how health anxiety just controls our life. And also motherhood. I'm also a single mom but of 2. One is 18 and the other 8. My kids mean so much to me. And when my anxiety and health anxiety is bad, I get so heartbroken because I want to be interactive with them at all times. And I would spend alot of time pretending I was ok just to smile in front of them.

I can definitely relate to constantly going online to get answers which it never helped. Always made me feel even worse. I'd be in tunnel vision and like a zombie because I'd think it's the worse things. And yes I can convince myself of the worse.

Prayer for me definitely has been the biggest help. I am trying to do continue to get through this without medication. I cant begin to tell you of all the illnesses I have convinced myself of. And every time I read or hear about someone else's sad story I automatically feel like its gonna happen to me.

You are not alone. Sorry to hear of your injury and also of getting the flu. Infact I have YouTube videos that I just started doing which talks about my journey with anxiety and my fears of fate and having health anxiety. Check it out if you can. In fact this one in particular I'm talking bout how I am constantly on Google and dont believe real doctors. I wanted to conquer my fears by sharing my journey and to be able to show my face so people could see me and how I look as a face of a female with anxiety. 😊 I wish us the best. You can message me whenever you just want to talk.

youtu.be/GiyeW_IKX9s(Not working as expected?)

[Peacefrogs in reply to Icanbeathis2016]

Thank you so much! I just finished your video and wow, I can relate sooooo much! The only thing different for me is that I don’t go straight away to the dr. I do try to tough it out first. My friends and close family are so tired of hearing about this. Someone said to me tonight.. if you’re that worried about it, demand for more testing. But I honestly am scared to. I just know they will say pancreatic cancer. I don’t want to put my kids through that and leave them motherless. Just the thought of that makes me panic. Tonight I sit here with a not so much tingly or painful but more of a hyper aware feeling in my lower back. And of course it’s sending my anxiety through the roof as that is a symptom of the cancer I fear. I believe a lot of the way I feels stems from my childhood. I remember when I first found out about death and that people don’t come back from it. I was terrified and locked myself in the bathroom crying. Then my parents divorced, then I had my accident, then my relationship didn’t work out with my children’s father. So I guess I feel I always get the worst and this won’t be any different.

[Icanbeathis2016 in reply to Peacefrogs]

We so are "twins of the struggle" right now. I can't even begin to tell you how I keep going to the idea of cancer. Every time I get in tunnel vision with these negative intrusive thoughts, my mind automatically thinks about the C word. And then I'm out of focus all day.

And yes much like you I experienced seeing death for the first time at nine years old and have been petrified ever since. (Side note) I have another video that talk about this, about what happened in my childhood and how it comes back on us and why I fear death.) But yes. I can never get over it. Plus also my mom and dad divorced around that same time as well. It broke my heart. Plus I was a daddy's girl. Not to mention how I was always lonely growing up because I'm an only child. Who does that. Have just one child? Smh.

And let me not even mention my failed relationships. Girl yes. My youngest daughters dad. We were together about 10 years. I got pregnant at about 6 years after being with him. It was definitely a bad relationship as far as my experience being with him. And I stuck it out that long. I guess because I'm a very loyal person to the end. But I was miserable with him. Then to turn around and have a kid with him was not so smart. But I love my girls to pieces. They mean everything to me. But that relationship added much to my anxiety blowing up like it did. Always see the worst in things, feel like nothing good will ever happen for me, scared of EVERYTHING now. Yup. Sounds familiar? I utterly understand you girl.