Thoughtless actions

I'm tired of needless commentary from those I love. The thoughtless words, the sarcasm that's unwanted. I hate that when I'm upset and I'm trying to explain what's wrong someone pipes off with commentary that's not necessary. Comments like that cause me to stop talking. It shows the person isn't listening. It shows that my worries, my thoughts, my concerns aren't needed and can be easily over looked. In the end, who cares how I feel right?

[Agora1]

We care how you feel. We care what you have to say. I think we have all

been where you are. It's not only frustrating but so hurtful. Coming here

where you are understood and never judged is the place to be.

Your safe place, because we care. xx

[-Sasha-]

The word that comes to mind, and one I unfortunately relate to, is Dismissed. It's like why bother talking when your words are so easily disregarded. You can't force anyone to listen, let alone understand what your going through, but getting the words out is still important. Whether it's a letter, on here, a piece of napkin, whatever... Don't be like them and dismiss yourself.

~S~

[amandagray]

real friends will care how you feel. you dont need people in your life who just dismiss your feelings. maybe confront them about it (which i know is hard) and if they continue to do it theyre not a real friend.

[aaronm]

Well they pretty much said what I was going to say. DITTO! Ha. I hope you feel better now.

[Want2BHappy3]

I know what your going through, Save you're Breath on them. I usually advise reader's on this site about this. They want you to get over it... Done, even my kids isolate me and when where in public they tell me how to behave. I have a friend of 40 years who I've heard from once since Christmas and was a text message. She didn't even acknowledge my birthday. So the less said the Better, Sorry to Say😖

[Hidden]

I feel you black ludwulf. I have that too

[Hidden]

Hey there,

I'm really sorry you feel this way and it's one of the hardest things to do in getting people to understand "things". If you had a broken leg, the empathy and sympathy would be easier to see, comment on, and so forth. I hope these folks understand that sarcasm, useless commentary, and opinions aren't helpful. What they need to do is provide an empathetic ear. They don't have to "get it" or "understand it", they merely need to let you talk without chiming in. I don't know who these people are: friends, family, co-workers, etc., but they should do some reading so they themselves can understand how to cope with you. Sometimes all we need is an ear, a hug, or an opinion if we ask. Know that you'll get none of the things you're dealing with here. We're all in similar shoes and understand what it's sort of like based on all of our unique experiences.

As for the unhelpful people in your life, you might suggest they do some reading or education on the subject matter that your dealing with before they go spouting off nonsense that doesn't help you. Unfortunately, as most of us all have dealt with, you'll always run into someone who will encourage you to suck it up, deal with it, and all that other unhelpful pep talk crap. I've had people finally have an anxiety attack of their own who finally see the light. Education on the matter that it's just as debilitating as a physical ailment, I would hope, improve the output you get. Your thoughts, your concerns, and how you feel are just as important as anyone else's. Don't let them get you down. Come visit here and post here frequently if you need to until these people come around and realize mental health doesn't respond well to sarcasm and unsympathetic banter.

Wishing you the best and always here if you need an ear. Take care

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

[6ixtyon1]

...this is so symptomatic of what's wrong (has always been wrong?) with people who take someone for granted. We've all been there, from time to time...I sometimes wonder about the tests we go through in life...what are we supposed to be learning from them--and why "learn" when no one else around us bothers to "learn" to be empathetic and focused on compassion?

What it says about those of us not in that camp is that we are truly "human" and not just going through the motions...we see things, feel them, know them, get frustrated and worn down by tough situations...the "rest" who just give back lip service/static/cut us off before we truly have a chance to explain are only living upon the surface of things...their time and energies are too valuable to waste upon the rest of us...they only wail, if their own tails are caught in the gate...the rest of us can just go cry to ourselves.

Well, you are always welcome, here--I and others care about what you are going through...I don't know if I have answers, but if you are asking questions about things that are troubling you, you deserve to be heard and considered...chances are, we relate.

As to "the rest." I say turnabout is fair play...unless you are specifically contracted to be around these people--and, I know with family you can't always just walk off--maybe giving back the kind of advice they gave to you is just what they need to get the message...your time and energies are valuable, too, and not to be wasted by those who don't care to make an effort to be kind...

If you ever are able to meet in the middle and make these folks "understand" where you are coming from, great--if no time and olive branches are offered, then you gave them every opportunity to learn a valuable lesson about people and life...be as kind to yourself and your energies as you can...you matter.

[Mumma_h]

Totally get what you mean! When I was at my worst with depression all I wanted was for someone to say to me "c.mon talk, get it all out " then perhaps get me some help. It's hard enough opening up but even harder being shut down when you try to open up. I hope you can find this site a place where you can talk freely, if I'm online I will listen, nothing scares me because I was really quite bad . Care and understanding to you !🙂

[Hidden in reply to Mumma_h]

I wish the people I reach out to IRL would understand when I'm talking to them. But they don't. Their eyes glazed over and they look at me with confusion or horror. I've been through far too much, that most people would turn and walk away because my past is genuinely horrifying. "How could one person of gone through all that?" Is something I'm asked often...

[Mumma_h]

i find it interesting that people would ask " how could anyone go through all that?". Horrific things do happen to people ,and it's not something that you just get over. It just doesn't work that way. It is possible to get through it , but you need help to do it , and you deserve that!!!! I have been through some terrible things too and I've never dealt with them, some were when I was a child and my family, as good as they and love me, I guess they just couldn't deal with it and so it was just brushed under the carpet to protect the perpetrators who are also family. I really believed I would get love , and counselling and the police would be called but there was nothing, I felt like a nuisance. 45 and still feel like the black sheep in my family and it's destroyed my self esteem. No wonder I ended up in a marriage of domestic violence and still can't get my head around that I'm not to blame and I feel stupid . Still trying though, start with a new counsellor specific for this. But the worst of all of these things is the affect on me ; my depression. My depression has been horrific, hell on earth, relentless and went for 6 years , I was in a world of hell all on my own. People that don't understand might think how can it be that hellish because it's not a physical thing . I don't use the words hell on earth lightly but that's exactly what it was. I'm slipping back into it again and desperately doing what I can to prevent it. If you need to get it all out to someone I will listen and Believe you . If there's a way of doing it privately on this site we can do that , I'm terrible at internet stuff , surprised I found a way to get on this site lol,my kids think I say the funniest things when it comes to the internet, but if you'd be more comfortable doing that I'm sure there's a way . And I'm definitely not scared of hearing awful things because what my husband did to me was horrific and I rarely tell anyone for fear of upsetting them. Anyway offer is there. You deserve understanding, and care and then help to get you as happy as you can be , you deserve it!!!!!

[Mumma_h]

If you want to talk , don't be afraid , it'd be good for me too. You deserve the chance to find peace self worth ❤️

[Mumma_h]

P.s if I don't answer straight away don't worry, have to go out shortly and there could be a time difference for us too,don't feel pressured though,everything in your own time and I'm sure the other people here wouldn't mind you talking if you want to talk openly, I've found some truly beautiful people on this site, who genuinely care

[Froz]

What they're doing is plain disrespectful and rude to you and maybe you just have to accept that maybe that's the type of person they are. I'm in a similar problem too actually, my mom and sister are super against my meds and that's why I constantly have the urge to run away from my house.

In the end we must become our personal hero even if we hate ourselves. It takes a real long process of self care just to even start putting value on ourselves but I think it's more important for you to realize that some of us feel the same way too. Thanks for sharing, stay safe out there.

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Sorry they are not taking it seriously. Have you told them that when "You say this"..."I feel this"? Tell them that you are not looking for advice or suggestions, just an ear and a heart that is listening. If they really feel the need to talk, ask them to repeat back how you said you were feeling, not their opinion, just your feelings. A person who cares about you does not tear you down. You must believe that you are worth it. Don't stop talking. Talk differently. Good luck.