Help

[Xenia33]

Please somebody help me. My anxiety is overwhelming me. I feel so depressed. My husband is so mean to me & not supportive at all. I feel so alone. I don’t want to get out of bed & go downstairs because I will have to deal with him. He is so controlling. I feel the worst I ever have.

[masa2333]

I am sorry for asking this, please do not get offended, but - why are you putting yourself through that? You are worth of so much more and you deserve happiness and someone who could give you happiness and not control you in any way. I might not know a lot about marriage but I know something about abusive and violent relationships and no one deserves to go through stuff like that

[Xenia33 in reply to masa2333]

I can’t leave. I have no way to make it on my own. And he knows that.

[masa2333 in reply to Xenia33]

I am sorry to hear that. Could you ask someone for help - family, women’s safe house, friend, anyone you can trust?

And most importantly, what kind of life do you want for yourself? Do you want to stay in current marriage or not, if it was up to you?

[Agora1 in reply to Xenia33]

And that's where the power play comes in. So many women in your position.

It's not a matter of taking that first step as much as it is where to go in that first

step. Being financially insecure as well as having mental health issues backs you

into a corner. Are you having any professional therapy that may guide and help

you through this. Any friends or family you may be able to stay with for a while

in order to get a respite from his controlling ways. I'm assuming couple's therapy

would probably be out of the picture.

You are in a serious mental abusive relationship that unfortunately doesn't get

better with time. I've never been a believer in having to take medication in order

to hide from someone else's abuse. If you can't leave right now then you need

to switch gears. Take the focus off the fear you have of him. Get control of

your life the best you can by not having him control you mind.

Remember as a kid, "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but names will never

hurt me" (depending how old you are to remember that) What it's basically saying

is that no matter what your husband throws at you emotionally, you can survive. You

may not be able to control his behavior but you can control how you handle it.

It will take training yourself to turn a deaf ear on him. If he gets no reaction, then his

efforts to abuse you are in vain. Does he work? Do you have time away from him where you can work on your self esteem, confidence and getting control back of your life. It is certainly not the best situation to be in but until you have another recourse

from a professional who can help you, it will keep your sanity at bay.

Many women are in this position throughout the world. You are not alone. Continue

coming to the forum and you will find others going through the same horrific issues that you are. As we learn from each other, we also get the support and strength we need to move on. Life is too precious to waste. xx

[Xenia33 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. I will try. He works at home so he is always here. I just can't take anymore. My kids don't even want to be around him. He blames me for everything. It's always my fault. I just feel so lost. I don't want my marriage to end but it feels like there is nothing left.

[hypercat54 in reply to Agora1]

Great reply Agora and I agree with you. x

[Agora1 in reply to hypercat54]

I'm stuck hypercat54, need some input from you and others.

Too many women stay in an abusive relationship because they

have no where to go. Knowing what to expect every day is sometimes

better to them then fearing the outcome should they leave. x

[Xenia33 in reply to Agora1]

Your right - I am stuck. I have no where to go. All of my family lives far away. You said it correctly that knowing what to expect everyday is better than my fear of the outcome if I leave.

[mrmonk in reply to Agora1]

I agree with everything you said here, Agora1, but would hasten to add that it isn't just women who experience this; it's also a position men increasingly find themselves in, as well. I'm in a situation now where there is abuse, but I cannot leave without imperiling myself in other ways. At the very least, women have more options by way of shelters and such. I remember calling places when things got particularly bad and being told they didn't have accommodations for men.

[Agora1 in reply to mrmonk]

Mrmonk, that's very interesting not that this happens to men but the fact

they are in a worse position as they have no place to go. What is the solution

to this ever increasing issue? Society seems to have dropped the ball regarding

the increase of physical and mental abuse among men & women and not having

a safe place to go. It is true that there are shelters for women and their children

to go to including getting the counseling they need and support in getting back

on their feet. I'm sorry you find yourself in this position as well. I wish I knew

what the answer was. I can only hope that you are able to stay safe.

[Hidden]

If you do not find happiness do to such causes from such people as your husband it is best to start doing what is best for you.

I have also gone through such process in the past until I put my foot in and got to my own defense. My spouse didn’t like it and had calmed down after I took over. You need to stand up for yourself, start to take care of yourself and get out of this harming situation. The longer you stay in it the more harm it will do to you, which none of us want.

Please. Take care of yourself. You shouldn’t be going through this.

[Xenia33 in reply to Hidden]

I have tried standing up to him but it never works. It only makes it worse for me - he just gets meaner. That is where I get blamed. I caused him to be mean to me. I'm afraid of him.

[Hidden in reply to Xenia33]

I understand where you are coming from on this. It’s is not easy at all. Do you have local family? He is getting meaner do to the fact he has no one else to blame but himself. I know how his system works. I will be more then happy if you want to PM me. Always opened. I want to assist you on this. Right now you are in a danger zone. When you say meaner to you I hope it’s only verbal. Want the best for you and not make matters worse but better for you.

[Xenia33 in reply to Hidden]

How do I pm you? I am new to this.

[hypercat54 in reply to Xenia33]

You can also just click on their name. x

[Agora1 in reply to Xenia33]

Xenia, I'm glad others are reaching out to you. I know what the problem is, understand the issue but have no experience in knowing where to go from

here.

I do wonder what turned your husband into this controlling freak? Is he upset

with your mental health issues, your not working or is he an alcoholic? Many

things are playing into his anger and control issues. I believe you will find some

answers on this forum through these great men and women who struggle as well. xx

[Hidden]

Click in the message sign on the from page then put my name in and send the message

[Sky2016]

I know exactly how you feel 💯. I am in the same boat. I pray allot that’s what gets me trough it. I try to think someone else has it worse than me. I try to pray for everyone to be safe. I am here if you need something. My story is horrible and sad. I am a prisoner in my own house. I am not allow to leave my bedroom with out permission. Or go outside to the backyard with out permission. My children catch me crying and I don’t tell them why. I keep it to myself. There’s times I think it would be better if I was dead. But I pray and pray. I try to keep busy cooking cleaning. But we have to be the ones to want to change. I will pray for you.

[Xenia33 in reply to Sky2016]

I am so sorry for you. Thank you for praying for me.

[Hidden]

This may not be true for your husband, but it is possible that he can’t understand what you are going through. When my husband and I started dating, I was so closed off to the idea of depression, something he suffered from at the time. It wasn’t until years later, I got laid off and went through the darkest time of my life that I came to a few realizations. First that depression and anxiety normally go hand in hand. Next that depression is really and just as difficult as anxiety.

Sometimes, we humans, close are minds to things we can’t grasp because it is too difficult to admit we have those same problems.

[Xenia33 in reply to Hidden]

He gets impatient with me when I am having a bad day. He's allowed to have bad days but I am not.

[Xenia33]

Thank you all for your care and concern for me. This is the first time in a while that I don't feel so alone.

[Xenia33]

There is another issue I am having. My most beloved dog passed away suddenly a few months ago. She was my baby. Never left my side and was so loving and sweet. I didn't expect to loose her. She wasn't feeling well one evening so I took her to the vet and they told me right there that she was filling up with fluids because of a quick growing cancer. That I had to put her to sleep that day. My world was crushed. She was like a therapy dog to me - so loving and gentle. I know that this has been contributing to my anxiety and depression. I can't seem to stop missing her. Even on my worse days she would be there to cheer me up. I don't have her anymore.

[momonthego2019]

So sorry to hear your husband is not supportive of you and is mean to you. Despite his treatment of you however, you have to find the strength to get the help you need. Some people just don't know how to deal with other people's pain. Its unfortunate but you can get better. Just take the first step and talk to your doctor and then talk to a counselor. Find a reason to get out of bed each and every day. Find a chore and turn it into a project. Go through your room and clean out your closets and donate any unused clothes and shoes. Paint your bathroom. Decorate another room of your house, just do something. Go to the library and read a good book. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself to a medicure/pedicure or a facial. Buy a new dress. The longer you stay in bed, the harder it will be to get out. You have to just force yourself to get up and get out of bed and once you do that enough times, you won't have a problem getting out of bed.

[Xenia33 in reply to momonthego2019]

Thank you. I will try.

[Hidden]

I can relate

Pm me if you want. I can share my experiences and tell you how I deal with it all.