Help

Hey, im a girl and I choose not to use my name but I have been struggling with depression for a long time. So long it feels like everyone is against me. I have very low self-esteem. I'm shy but I'm nice but no one appreciate that. I have days where I'm happy but I also have days when I don't want to live. My ex in particular wants me to kill myself. What drives a person to say that to another human being? I was always nice until their were days where I couldn't take it and has to fight back with words. That and much more went on for 5 years. Btw I'm bisexual. But anyways she's treated me so horrible and it's my fault cause I let it go on that long. It's made me feel worse about myself than I already do, now I'm mean to people I love because it happened to me for so long. I know I'm wrong . I know I'm a horrible person

[Loveydovey0519 Ambassador]

Do you have anyone you can talk too about your feelings? More specifically a professional? That would be a good first step I believe b

[Hidden in reply to Loveydovey0519]

No not really. I could tell my family but they worry and though it's their job as they say to care about me I hat for them to constantly worry to the point it makes them want to stay home worrying about me instead of enjoying themselves

[Loveydovey0519 Ambassador in reply to Hidden]

Given any thought into a therapist? Sounds like it would definitely benefit you, we here can give loads of great advice and even listen if you need a lending ear. However at the end of the day we aren't professionals (although sometimes we feel like we know more than the professionals).

[Hidden in reply to Loveydovey0519]

Yes I know and it's great to come for help and support but I can't afford a therapist anymore. I had one last year but then I moved and I can't find a job.

[Loveydovey0519 Ambassador in reply to Hidden]

Well if you ever need someone to talk to or just vent. I'll be more than happy to help! Just message me.

[Hidden in reply to Loveydovey0519]

Okay. I'll consider that

[kinikia95 ADAA Volunteer]

If you were really a horrible person you wouldn't care enough to post it. What would drive someone to say a thing like your ex did is that it's popular today and they're kind of a jerk. The people you love will forgive you. I hope you can distance yourself from your ex because she's obviously going through some bad things and she's not good for you. We all tend to care what other people think on some level but you just can't listen to people like that. Toxic.

[Hidden in reply to kinikia95]

Thank you I appreciate it. And honestly for years she was mean and abusive but I loved her cause I saw pass that. She use to hit me and chocked me... but once upon a time long ago I considered her my best friend. Now i have no one. Well I do i have family but I can't talk to them about stuff like this cause it's so hard. Ive attemted suicide more than 5 times so if i tell them they'll just keep eyes on my all the time. It's not a good feeling to have someone always hovered over you.

[spedteach]

Hi! It doesn't sound you are a horrible person at all. It sounds like you have struggles. We all do. If you want to know mine read my earlier entries. I was so mad earlier today. Just because you said some things to your partner in times of anger does not make you a mean person. I am sure you are a nice person and just need to realize that again. Please do not let someone's image of you taunt your self-image. I have found that this site is a comfort. I hope you find the same.

[Hidden in reply to spedteach]

I do. Thank you