Help...

[Racheezy]

I haven’t posted anything since I’ve been in such an awful spot lately. I know some of y’all thought my father was doing things out of tough love but... no.

He recently kicked down my door and now I don’t have a lock. It’s very annoying because everyone walks in and out like nothing. My privacy is nonexistent. I bought one of those chain locks at Home Depot because a friend wanted to help. I repeated over and over that I didn’t want it because it still cracks my door open. He insisted, so I got it and it’s doing exactly what I didn’t want it to do.

My dad is forcing me to pay to fix the door when it was all part of his dumb rage episode. I didn’t ask him to knock down my door. On top of everything, I want to move out and get an apartment but everyone keeps telling me it’s a waste of money. No one seems to understand that I need to get out. I need my freedom and privacy. The one space that was safe is now completely compromised.

I literally hate everything in my life and I wish I had the balls to actually end it.

[Sillysausage234]

Can you just get a little wooden wedge to put under the door for now to give you a sense of security and privacy.

[Racheezy in reply to Sillysausage234]

I just did that but it still opens. The one I have is kinda small so it slips.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Racheezy]

Wedge it tight under near where the hinges are,might have to kick it tight under..ps please don’t say about ending it ,don’t keep stuff bottled up

[Racheezy in reply to Sillysausage234]

That’s where it is. I’ll just suck it up until I fix the frame. This was the cherry on top of a ton of other stuff. It’s not really about the door. The door was just that one thing that tipped me over. Thank you for your suggestion though. I’ll get one that will actually stay meanwhile.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Racheezy]

Scream and shout on here let off some steam

[Racheezy in reply to Sillysausage234]

The thing that bugs me is that everyone has been judging ever single decision that I make. I get that if I rent I won’t end up owning the place but I just want to get out of this toxic place. No one seems to get that. I’ve been offered to stay at other places but under their rules. I don’t want to leave this place just to have boundaries from other people. I understand that they want to see me save my money and stuff but I can’t. When I vent or make a decision I get judged and told how bad my ideas are: it makes me feel like an idiot... like I can’t do anything on my own.

[Racheezy in reply to Racheezy]

I hate living with my abusive father who tells me I’m worthless everyday. No one gets how awful it’s been or how much damage it’s done. He told me that I couldn’t drive a fast car or a truck because I’m a girl! I’m 24, super paranoid about everything because of the things that I was told my whole life. I feel like a worthless lump... just a waste of freaking space.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Racheezy]

That’s not healthy reinforcing negativity everyday hard for me to comment about your dad but you should be allowed personal privacy like 1 bedroom at least to call your own ,does he do stuff in an overbearing way or malicious

[Racheezy in reply to Sillysausage234]

The reason why he knocked my door down was over dishes. We agreed to wash up after ourselves. My mom just started working so we all are helping around the house. They both work part time. I’m the only one working full time. I got home, watched the bachelor with my cousin and then he got home from church. I had already washed everything and he made himself some dinner. All of the dishes that he used, he left out. He came to my room and started banging on my door to go wash the dishes. I reminded him of what we agreed on but still went to do it anyways. The whole time he was yelling at me in my face. He called me lazy and a ton of other stuff. I got upset and told him that I needed a minute so I went to my room to cry out my anger and frustration. He followed me and banged on the door again. I went to the door and told him that I needed a minute to calm down. He then proceeded to knock down my door. At that point I lost it and left the house. I stayed at my cousin’s for a few days and didn’t go to work the next day. My eyes were so swollen from crying that i just couldn’t be seen like that. They were purple! I never once told him no or that I wasn’t going to do what he said. He’s been like this all my life. I was proud of myself for sticking up to him after all these years but it was just enough.

[Racheezy in reply to Racheezy]

My cousin’s family all dat me down and talked to me. I know that they want to help me but I can’t just go live somewhere else. I’m not the type of person that will feel comfortable anywhere. My anxiety just won’t let me. If I’m going to live somewhere, it has to be a place that I want and feel okay being at. I went apartment hunting and they immediately told me no. They support my decisions according to what they think. I’m not in a rush to own anything at the moment. I’m a single girl with a dog. I just want to be happy.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Racheezy]

Wow that’s so unfair does he drink ?

[Racheezy in reply to Sillysausage234]

No. He’s very religious. Everything was restricted to me when I was little. I wore long skirts, dresses and wasn’t even allowed to listen to Disney music.

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Racheezy]

Obviously his religion isn’t bringing him any peace vibes to come home from church and kick your door in that’s wrong

[Mary-intussuception in reply to Racheezy]

Have you ever considered calling a Domestic Abuse helpline? Just to talk things through , find out your options ?

[Racheezy in reply to Mary-intussuception]

Thank you so much. I actually moved out a little less than a year ago. My relationship with my dad improved a lot. He has been getting older and tired. I think he is struggling a lot with himself since he has a lot of financial issues. Since I moved out I tried to deal with several issues and worked in myself. My whole family went through crazy stuff and we’re a lot closer now because of it. I think we needed to learn how to communicate and understand each other. My father didn’t know that I needed space and he had kept bottling up his frustrations with his job, and finances. I found out that he was being bullied at work since he’s Christian and wouldn’t follow along with them. We literally all just got really honest and talked about how we all really felt.

[Mary-intussuception in reply to Racheezy]

This is good to hear. Often it's unhealed issues that cause that sort of behaviour.

God Bless xXx

[MoeLosthersmile]

how are you now?