Socially Anxious

[Hibernator]

Hello, I’m new on here and I was hoping I’d find some support on here about my social anxiety. So I’m a 28 year old male who has a beautiful 9 year old daughter. I work as a Personal Support Worked but I have a RPN diploma. I am still with my high school sweet heart who is also the mother of our daughter. Ever since I was young I was very quiet in public but when I was comfortable I was okay and chatty. I grew up in an apartment in Toronto with my mom dad and older sister. Growing up we always heard yelling from my mom, and sometimes spanking or worse. Sometimes I did not know the reason to her yelling but she yelled at us anyway. She was very critical as to what and how we were, even to this day, ‘sit up straight’, ‘don’t talk’, ‘no talking at the dinner table’ ‘no laughing too loud’ even reading that makes me a bit uneasy. I believe this is the reason why I can never hold solid relationships and when I do find a solid friendship I begin to be too clingy, I really dislike it. At 17-18 my girlfriend ended up cheating on me, then we got back together, then at 19 we had our daughter. I still feel confused but I do love the both of them and I do know how much we have grown together ever since that incident, but it still comes back to haunt me. After having my daughter my girlfriends parents did not want to have nothing to do with the baby because of their Chinese culture. I ended up lying to my friends and acquaintances that I had a daughter because we didn’t want news to spread for my girlfriends sake. I lost many friends because of that and I feel ashamed about it. Then at my daughters age of 7 they come back to say they are ready to change. Both I and my family who pretty much raised her til that day were very hesitant but I knew we had to do it for our daughter. My family is still angry about it. I am now stuck between two families, a girlfriend who has cheated on me, barely any friends, a mom who I’m not sure cares about me, and a lost soul (me), yet out of all this mess I have a beautiful daughter who I believe is my everything and a major part of my purpose. I know there’s a lot of life left to live but I hope things get better for me. Anyways sorry for this long post. I just felt like I needed to get that off my chest.

[PapaDocs]

I am sorry for what you are going through. Social anxiety is very common today with all the nastiness going around. It is just sad to see all these going on.

Who came back and said they are ready to change, were you talking about your friends or your wife’s family? Sorry if I didn’t quite get it.

Anyway, there are many ways you can do to be more at peace and also turn into a more assertive person. One is get counseling (which costs money) but you can go to a nearby church and talk to a pastor (which is free) and while you are there you can meet people who might be able to help you somehow in many ways. Unless your wife is unfaithful today, forgive and forget what happened in the past because it just gets in your way of strengthening your relationship. Consider looking for ways to forget the painful events in your past, your mom’s attitude, and how others treated you. There is also a book that you might consider reading. It is called “Have a New You By Friday,” by Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist. There is a good chance this book can help you. And finally, remember that you are doing this first of all for yourself, before thinking about your wife and daughter.

[Agora1]

Thank you for sharing your story Hibernator and Welcome to this amazing support group.

I do happen to believe that we are a product of our childhood. During those impressionable and formative years what we see and hear is how we learn. As a child,

I always heard the words "Be Careful". Hearing that over and over made me afraid of

everything. I eventually developed Anxiety disorder. Fear of Fear grew. I was shy, introverted throughout high school. It wasn't until I choose to follow my own path

and go into the medical field, did I see the change in myself. I no longer had to be

something I wasn't.

You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you plus the memories that will unfold in raising your daughter. Hopefully having learned from your own experiences

as a child, you will give her the confidence she needs.

Being stuck right now between two family, different cultures can be difficult. However,

your daughter needs to see and feel secure with both grandparents. Do the best you can,

the situation will not always be like this. Things change as life goes on and you may be

surprised in how your in-laws will show their love for their granddaughter and you.

I am so glad you found this forum. Know that it is a safe place to come and express your

feelings whenever life seems too overwhelming. You are never alone. Our stories are

shared with each other and yet many of the stories are the same. One step at a time.

You're not the lost soul that you think you are. You have already accomplished a lot.

Don't allow anything to stop you. As you grow with maturity, so will come the confidence

and self esteem in yourself. Be proud of who you are. x