Confused and don’t know what to do

[pv45]

So, this has been tough for me. For the past two years, I have been battling with this unhappiness that I have been trying so hard to not let consume over my life. I always told myself that I can just push through and tried to force myself to look happy and motivated in front of everyone. However, I think I have reached the peak where I can’t pretend anymore. The past couple of months, I have lost every source of willpower to even try. I am constantly irritable and have gone days where I just lay on bed literally doing nothing or mindlessly watching tv. My grades are slipping away, and I can’t seem to care about anything anymore. I literally have not been able to hold a conversation anymore for more than a minute without feeling like there is no point. However, I decided to join this forum because I need help and I don’t know what to do. I know that this isn’t healthy, especially since I have been looking into suicide. I need help. What do I do?

[Lyn87]

It's so great that you reached out on these boards. I've struggled with anxiety and depression for years, so I understand some of what you're feeling.

You mentioned your grades are slipping, so that obviously means you are in school. Does your school have counselors or a mental health center?

Do you have a friend or family member that you trust to talk to? The feelings of hopelessness are so common with depression and it really does help to talk to someone. Also, if you're having suicidal thoughts, you should program the numbers for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255 and Crisis Text Line, text 741741. into your phone.

It might feel like you don't want to live sometimes, but what most people who have similar feelings will tell you is that they just don't want to live life the way they're currently living it.

Please reach out to any people and resources that you have available to you, including this board. Depression sucks, but you can get through it. You matter, your life matters, and you deserve happiness.

[BlueCat89]

I'm probably the worst person to offer advice, seeing as I am in a place like you. However, I will tell you that you are not me. Your life is worth something. You are smart and have a beautiful soul. Your life does matter.

And get yourself a cat. Mine makes me feel good when she decides to grace me with her presence.

[Xenia33]

I know just what you are saying. I have lived it too. It is quite overwhelming. The advice I can give you from my experience is to not give into those awful thoughts of suicide. You need to talk to somebody - therapist, friend, family member- to find out why you are feeling this way. Put those numbers Lyn87 suggested in your phone. Hang in there. Things will get better just don't give up. Also Lyn87 said "what most people who have similar feelings will tell you is that they just don't want to live life the way they're currently living it" really is true. They put it so well. You do matter. The very fact that people responded to your message should show you that we care. Please take care.

[SoulOfALion]

Hey, pv45. First of all, you matter. I'm going to say that again, you freaking matter. Suicide is not a release, but a trauma. The pain gets shifted to someone else. I almost lost my sister to this demon mental terrorist they call suicide. I felt immense guilt that I didn't speak up and say you matter or even see the signs. Sounds like you're depressed, which I understand all too well. You're fighting against a ghost and you always know your next move. You might want to ca the suicide prevention line and get into therapy ASAP. Lean on whatever support system you have. Shift your focus to things that make you happy. Whether it's lifting weights, cooking or even something simple, self healing is most important. You are exhausted from fighting. It's okay to take a breather. Let your teachers, family and friends know what's going on in your head. They can't fix what they don't know or can't see. Keep your head up. You will beat this.