How do I let him go? : How do I let him... - Anxiety and Depre...

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How do I let him go?

BrownEyesBl
BrownEyesBl

How do I let him go? How do I forget him and all the plans and all the hopes and all the dreams? How do I pull myself together when I realize that was the last time I saw him and that I won’t talk to him anymore or touch him or hold him or kiss him. That he will no longer be a part of my every day life.

How do I go places we went together; do things we did; be in this house that I lived with him and be okay?

I need to let him go. But it physically hurts to think about. I can’t stop crying. I get nauseous. And it just hurts so bad..... like my heart is being torn from my chest.

He’s a good man. A good person. But I need some who can put in the same amount of effort as me and can handle my anxiety and depression and understand that some days are gonna be bad and I’m not always going to be positive.

I love him. I always will. So how do I let him go?

7 Replies
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Is it your decision or his decision to go? I think I understand you are the one breaking up. You have mentioned that you need someone who puts the same efforts in the relationship as you do. You seem to know what you need. The hard step is to let it go and move on. It’s normal to feel conflicted and sad and it doesn’t mean he is a bad person but maybe it’s not the right match for you anymore.

It will be hard at the beginning but if it is was you need then you will feel good for moving on. You’ll meet someone else more fitted for you. You could still keep contact or remain polite acquaintance.

It is heartbreaking but he won’t be alone forever and you neither it is simply time to move on something different. I understand you invested time and build memories with him as he did with you but try not to hold on those thoughts. It is now in the past and you still have a life ahead of you, both of you do. You will probably feel like you are grieving your relationship and it is normal. You will be able to go through it.

Good luck!

Hidden
Hidden

The end of a relationship is like mourning a death. You have felt a huge loss so it is only natural you feel this way. I am actually so proud of you for realising you need more support and that you deserve to be treated better then you were being treated. You are hurting now but you will heal. You are still so young and you never know what can happen in the future.

BrownEyesBl
BrownEyesBl in reply to Hidden

I’m pretty distraught. It feels like my heart will never stop hurting. I see him everywhere; in everything I do. It’s sad when you come to the realization you are never going to mean to someone what they mean to you. I’m putting so much work into making it work and he is just so focused on himself.

He actually said to me that he hoped I was more clear headed today and he couldn’t handle my “bs” anymore. And I needed to just stop having bad days. Like he didn’t hear me at all. It breaks my heart and he’s broken it now twice. I asked him if he was proud of himself for breaking an already broken girl.

I’m devastated..... I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life and he just felt like my last chance.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to BrownEyesBl

There is no way you are going to be alone for the rest of your life. You are not even 40! You have all the time in the world to meet the right person for you. When we have a break up I think it is natural to feel there will never be anybody else but it just is not true. You really are much better off without him. He could not meet your needs and he could not make you happy.

BrownEyesBl, reading your post, I felt as though I was reading a journal entry of mine from a year ago. February 2020 will be 2 years and it feels so good. I know how you feel and it is very real, gut wrenching, and has no immediate resolution.

People say it takes time to heal but it is more than time. let me explain why it takes more than time...time is just a change of an hour, a turn of a page on a calendar. What is needed over that "time" is work, hard work. You must work on you! In your stage of readiness (because you are unique and have your own hurts) start with intentionally staying busy. Yes, busy. Ex. I concentrated so much on my studies, work, and being in public when I did not want to because it protected me from sitting at home looking at all of the "stuff" we collected together, from scrolling through old texts and emails, from downright not getting myself together enough to stop crying in a fetal position in my bed! I sat at Starbucks, at the library, rode my bike in the park, and went to the gym. I hated it at first because I wanted to be engulfed in my feelings. I gave myself grace and told myself that I was entitled to cry, look at stuff, and vent to my closest friends but not permanently. I prayed. I started to spend time with the friends that I barely even knew existed through all of the years I was in the relationship (this was not easy because I rehashed the relationship and hopelessness I felt but they extended grace, bore my burdens with me, and plain old listened!). Through the aching pain I felt (yes, it is mental, emotional, and physical: I lost 15 lbs. from my loss of appetite) I promised myself that I had to learn something from this so I started to take written inventory of how we got to the point that we did, what I was not ok with, and what my role in all of it was. I prayed. I was honest with myself despite the fact that I loved him and missed him. I started to notice things and then decided to do some research on what I had experienced and accepted what I always knew but refused to confront and accept because it would have meant walking away earlier. I learned from those who had very similar experiences, I spoke to people who had similar experiences, I then started to confront my fears and go to the places we used to go to. I would cry, shout, cry some more, pray, and lift myself back up. This repeated itself for a year. I saw him on several occasions but he did not see me. I prayed. One day he did see me, but I had started to heal, and I was proud of myself and oddly enough did not cry. I invested in me, I forced myself to invest in others! Yes, that is very hard to do when you can barely get yourself together but IT HELPS and can be done. I took stock in who I was before the relationship, took a long hard look at who the relationship made me (and asked myself if that is what I was proud and content with), and decided who I wanted to be. I have confronted, fought through, faced, and accepted every fear that I had like those you name: the plans, the routines, the places we went, the food we ate, the smells, the traditions, the feels, and much more. It was the only way to stop the paralyzing grip it had on me. Again, work... This has been a process, and today I am so GRATEFUL for where I am in life, proud of myself, and honored to help someone like you because of where I was.

This is your testimony.

Believe in you, who you were before because you were a gift, and start redirecting the energy that you gave that relationship to YOU! This is the end of a chapter, not your book, it's only time to turn the page.

With love and prayers for healing Xoxo

Thank you. So much.

I almost slipped and went back with him. But I remained firm.

The urge to go back, to be hopeful that they have changed, the thought that this time it will be different, that the time apart has changed him, the "it's my last hope before he dates someone else" , is gripping and honestly torturous. I went back after the first time in 2017 and boy "it started off so well" (fake change) and 4 months later when I walked away for good, I knew it was time to stand firm through whatever pain I would feel.

I was upset at myself for having gone back because I had known but I was not strong enough to face the pain and I did not think I was this time either but was sure that I had to, turning back was not an option. best decision I made!

So proud of you! You WILL be more than ok, you WILL thrive, come alive, and LIVE amazing things unlike what you all dreamed of!

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