Very controlling mother, how can I be happy if I choose to listen to her ?

[ehh22]

Shit happened again. This time she’s saying “ u can not marry the person that you love , u must marry the person that I like and choose for you. The person u marry should have a good career, same religion, same beliefs , same race and nationality, must speak same language (korean). “ WTF how can I find someone like dattt?? If I listen to her I’ll nevee be happy. I wanna do things that makes me feel proud and happy. I fell like I’m about to be explode it. In this life maybe I’ll never be happy.😰💔

[Hidden]

You say if you choose to listen to her. You can also choose not to listen to her. You can choose your own path and make yourself happy and proud. When the time is right you should marry someone you love, who loves you and treats you good. Someone who will respect you and can accept you for who you are and who makes you happy. You won't find that by choosing someone your mom describes. You deserve to be happy and to live your own life how YOU choose to. I wish you the best.

[ehh22 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks dear.

[AZ1970]

It sounds like your mom has views from her culture she was raised in and you are more like your peers: individualualistic. I have studied in school and have experienced this as a teacher of ESL students. It is a common dynamic when two cultures mix. You must feel torn between loyalty to your mom and family. You want to be a good daughter. But you know what will make you happy. Ultimately you will figure it out. Whose happiness is more important? I don’t mean that in a sarcastic way. Some people choose to make sure their parents are happy and pleased with their choices. Others have to follow their heart and happiness. The best thing is when everyone can be happy.

[ehh22 in reply to AZ1970]

This is so tough. I want them to be happy and I also want my self to be happy as well. Both sides but it seems like I have to follow my heart because in the end no one can makes me happy , it’s only my self. You’re exactly right , she’s so strict about her traditional culture and religion. I just don’t understand.

[hypercat54]

Mothers hey? Choose not to listen to her and just tell her it's your life and you will live it how you want. Or just keep changing the subject - she will soon get the message. I gave up listening to my mother many years ago and you know what? She respected me for it.

Mind you I would give anything to hear her moaning and criticising me again as she passed 4 and a half years ago....... x

[ehh22 in reply to hypercat54]

Yeh... !!! I will not care. I’ll just do my own things. If I pay attention to her, I’ll be dead already.

[ehh22]

I’m 24 so I’m able to make my own decisions or else I have to listen to them for the rest of my life.

[Ollyvie]

Hello

ehh22,

I know it can be very frustrating when your mother keeps sounding this in ears all the time. Am guessing she means well but just using the wrong approach. She has let you make your decisions with her guidance. I don’t really agree with some of her criteria for you choosing someone to marry but others have to be considered too. It’s your life and your happiness at stake so they have to let you make your own choices in life.

Love alone is not enough to make marriage work in this word that we live. There is a saying that ‘what an older person will see further distance sitting on a chair, a younger generation will not perceive standing on that same chair’. Meaning an older person MAY make a better judgement as some things better than the younger one due to experience. This may not always be right all the time though. Have you heard of love is blind?

Let her know how you feel about and don’t let her push you into what you don’t want for your life. At the end of the day its you who will live with the person you marry.

[ehh22 in reply to Ollyvie]

Yeh, I know that she have more experiences in life. Yes , ppl always say that Love is blind. I think she’s just worry too much not only about me also about my brothers too. Lol. When the time comes , she will have to accept it . I want my parents blessing . But if I marry someone they they are against than chance are very likely low to receive their blessing.

[Skydreamer42]

In my personal life, I have found it valuable to learn from my own mistakes. If you are not free to make mistakes, it can stop you from growing... If you are free to make mistakes... It can be painful, yes, but you can learn for yourself.

[ehh22 in reply to Skydreamer42]

Soo True!

[Traveller85]

You have one short life, do what makes you happy. Mothers rarely give up on their children, It will be turbulent at first but you’ll work it out.

[ehh22 in reply to Traveller85]

Thanks

[Hidden]

Take it with a grain of salt. You are probably young . Moms sound controlling now but have some really good advice since they are grown and have lived and learned. Some things I really should have listen to. I know that now that I am older. The career and religion, culture thing can be very true. Those differences can cause lots of problems down the road when you are already married and have kids and are trying to figure out how to separate without hurting them. Love is bliss at first and then reality hits over the years and differences will become a problem. Sorry to sound like a mom but I want my daughter so badly to take my advice and not suffer for years by making the same mistakes. Everyone thinks their situation is different but time and time again history repeats.

[ehh22 in reply to Hidden]

My dear can you please inbox me for more in details. I wanna learn so I will not write and repeat same history.