Relationship ending

[JM1064]

Haven’t been on here in a while. I’m the middle of breaking up with the guy I’ve been dating for a year and a half. Something is lacking. I am also bothered by my own insecurities. Even in the midst of my happiest days my mind will drift off and think about the girls he used to be with before me, the things he’s said in the past to me and hurtful things he’s done. Of course there are things that are his fault that I just simply don’t think I can get over, but I think there are also things I can’t forget because I don’t fully love myself yet. Are these good enough reasons to break up? Even though he has changed I still don’t see myself marrying him. I’m 20 years old. I don’t want to waste anymore time but I’m scared I will regret. I just can’t stop overthinking. He’s good at dealing with me, but I still feel like someone else could do that AND more. I don’t want to settle. But I also don’t want to be lonely. Sometimes I wish he would cheat on me or something really bad would happen to give me a clear reason to end it. This was a lot of venting but does anyone have anything to say or advise?

[JM1064]

Edit: I wanted to add that my boyfriend lives in NY, I live in FL. We spent about 7 months together before he moved back home (we met at a college in my home town) so we’ve spent more time away than here. Things seem to go better when he isn’t here. It confuses me. When he comes to visit, the first day is amazing, and then as days pass I wonder if the relationship is right. Maybe the reason we have lasted so long is because he isn’t here to see me often.

[AZ1970]

Listen to your body. You know what you need. Your heart won’t lie.