Hi everyone I've had anxiety and depression ever since my sister sexually assaulted me when I was seven.
About me: Hi everyone I've had anxiety... - Anxiety and Depre...
About me
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TwentyOnePilots1234
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Hey! I was sexually assaulted at 13. I’m here to help and talk to you 
I now am a volunteer mental health worker for trauma.
Hi. I have a question... is it normal to have an anxiety attack every time someone messages me?
Why do you think you have them?
so sorry for not responding I have to go to bed but maybe because I have social anxiety.
May be it! Goodnight sleep well <3
I'm in the middle of school and it having an anxiety attack.
in the back of my classroom
TwentyOnePilots, I am so very sorry you suffered that personal trauma at 7 years old.
My question is.... did you ever tell your parents or a trusted figure in your life? Was it
ever addressed in therapy? Sometimes when a traumatic event has not been discussed
with a professional, it will come out as PTSD and slowly chip away at you through anxiety
attacks. x
no one knows and I'm too scared to ask my parents for a therapist.
I keep my entire life a secret from my parents because I feel like they are trying to poison me. I have trust issues...
I believe you when you say you have trust issues. You were betrayed
by a family member. In reality, are you in danger of being hurt by your
parents or is this all a part of your anxiety?
I don't know... I've had depression so long that I don't understand anything.
I understand. Unfortunately we are not professionals on this site and it
would take one to help you sort out your feelings.
I had a feeling that no one knows.
I asked someone out today, she refused and I had an anxiety attack... then I went to science class and had another anxiety attack in the back of the room and my teacher asked me a science question... Everyone just stared at me. I was crying in the back of the classroom and he calls on ME!! Like omg, it's so rude.
in reply to TwentyOnePilots1234
I'm so sorry about you having to go through that at such a young age... at all really. My prayers are with you.
Her refusal may seem huge and all-encompassing right now, but you'll feel better, things will get better.
That sucks. Why on EARTH would he do that. Do you think he didn't notice or was he just being stupid? I hope nobody is giving you crap for that.
Have you considered writing a letter to your parents? Sometimes it's easier to get it all down and then you only need one moment of courage to give it to them, rather than a constant stream of courage for a face-to-face discussion. Best of luck to you. My pms are always open. Hugs. (also TØP squee!!!)
TwentyOnePilots1234 in reply to
I have considered writing a letter but then I got scared and I deleted it...
I would, I have to write so many letters to my teacher.
That was a poor choice by your teacher in calling on you when he saw you were crying.
Shame on him.
As for being refused a date, focus on the fact that you had the courage to ask her out.
I congratulate you for taking that step forward out of your safety zone. You did your part.
Her loss. This is life, we can't control how others react but can accept how we handle
our own emotions with disappointment.
I asked her out over text and my friend sent the message so I don't know if that courage or not.
It's a positive approach in something you wanted to do and didn't hold
back. Still counts in my book. You see, we would never know what we
missed in life, if we didn't take that first uncomfortable step.
I understand why she refused though.
I have an anxiety attack every time I see her
Also, I'm ugly
I never like hearing people put themselves down because of their looks.
That is how you are perceiving yourself and not what she may think of you.
We are all more than about "looks". We are about character and the qualities
we have as a person. At 17, you may not see that. It takes years to experience
and grow into maturity. Those years of growth mentally and emotionally can make
a big difference in how other's see you, once you learn to love and accept yourself.
She is the 7th person I've asked out and been refused by.
You're 17, you have a whole lifetime. Teen years are one of the brutal
times of our lives. It was for me as well. Never dated, never asked..
It has to do with everyone's insecurity about themselves at that time of their
life. Oh sure, there will always be the popular ones who seem to have it all,
but too much too soon doesn't prove anything. If you could fast forward to
your high school reunions in the future, you will see that these popular kids
are in the same click that they were in high school. They never really grew
and expanded their emotional value.
It will happen for you in it's own time for the right reason.
I'm, not 17...
My age is a secret but its not 17
You know that this forum requires you to be at least 16, for a reason. To keep
you safe. This is a wide broad site not meant for anyone younger than that.
I have a feeling again that you may be falling into that category if it is a secret.
Or I feel that if you know my age you can figure out my name and address and come to my house and kidnap me.
We are protected on this site because we don't use our real names.
Ok, I just don't trust people at all with anything its been like 10 years since I was assaulted and nothing good has happened.
Oh I understand. You had a terrible thing happen to you. That's why
this will one day need to be addressed by a professional therapist/doctor.
You don't want to spend the rest of your life always looking over your shoulder.
So, are you being sarcastic or are you being sincere?
I read it like you where mad inside my head, I was just wondering...
What?? I am a most sincere person. It hurts me to see anyone suffering
as you are. I'm just being honest with you in that I don't have the training
to give you the help and security you need. I don't want to see anyone
hurting like you are. I can support you but only if you get the proper help
you need.
Sorry and I've asked for a therapist but my dad refused.
I'm sorry that your dad doesn't see the emotional pain you are in.
I agree with Sunnydayz1 in that you need to choose someone that
you can trust to help you through this. I understand that you love
your sister and don't want her to go to jail but you have to remember
that she needs counseling as well. What she did was so wrong. Rape
is never about affecting one person. Especially within a family. There is
a ripple effect and the whole family could end up needing help.
I know how frightened you are. I thank you for being so open and honest
with us. That it a very difficult thing to do. But joining this forum was your
first big step in getting all this trauma behind you one day. It's going to
take time but hopefully you can all heal from this. Your father does not
know the extent of your abuse and so he can't make a good decision in getting
you help. Be honest and forthright with someone. This is too much for you
to be carrying on your shoulders.
I understand what you mean by a ripple effect because she has a mental depressive disorder but I can't trust people I know in real life, I only trust people online which is not good but its the truth. I hate going outside because I feel like someone is going to kidnap me and I hate talking to people because I still haven't hit puberty and my voice is higher than most girls... also because people make me feel insecure and bad about myself. I hate human interactions and people in general. How do I tell people if I am scared of my best friend?
I read through that like ten times not going to lie.
WAIT I KNOW SOMEONE I TRUST!!!!! TYLER JOSEPH!!!!! I JUST HAVE TO PAY FOR CONCERT TICKETS AND BUY THE MEET THING!!!!! OMG
Puberty is a time in our lives that we all go through. I don't understand why you
have the fear of being kidnapped if you go outside but that is just one of the issues
that needs to be discussed with a therapist. Your parents must realize that your
sister is suffering from a depressive disorder. I can't believe that they don't see signs in you that something is bothering you. As for the people who make you feel
insecure, that's their problem. Don't allow their words and remarks to influence you. This will better prepare you for life as you go onto higher education or the work place. Life isn't perfect. As for how to tell people if you are scared of your
best friend? You don't. That isn't there business and they wouldn't understand
anyway which would further frustrate you and make you feel insecure.
I'm going to be signing off for tonight. I hope you think about some of the things we talked about and the advice given by other members of this forum. It's a lot to take in at any age. However, you seem like a very intelligent young man and I'm sure you know what you need to do. Goodnight my friend. Take care, Stay Safe.
By "How do I tell people if I'm scared of my best friend" I mean "How do I tell people about my sister if I am scared of my best friend?"
If you are afraid of your best friend then that is not the person to tell about
your sister. You need someone who will be able to help you through this and
it needs to be someone you can talk with comfortably. You still need to get
professional help with this. We are not trained and neither is your friend.
An adult figure is important right now for you to reach out to.
The person I trust the most is my best friend... but I'm afraid of him...
I'm sorry in that I just don't have the answers for you. This is a very complex
situation that I'm not trained in.
Hey there,
Have you thought about asking to see a therapist, counselor, or someone in that field? You don't have to tell your parents a thing other than you feel like you could use some help with anxiety and "teenage problems". Whatever code words get you access since you have trust issues. Once you see a professional and are able to build up your strength, perhaps your trust issues won't be as bad. I don't know your parents, but would hope they would be shocked and then supportive to find out (if, when, or ever) they were aware of what happened. It's common to feel much of what you do, but there is help. You can even seek online counseling if in person feels like too much.
It sounds like you've lived with a heavy burden for too long and with school, things are getting a bit rougher from having this burden there. If your teacher is unaware of your anxiety issues, it might be worth pointing it out so if you're having an issue, you can just nod when you meet eyes and gather yourself away from everyone. If he isn't aware, he might have thought you were goofing around or something and saw an opportunity (a bad one in this case) to try to make an example of what he perceived to be someone talking or whatever in class. I won't defend him, but much like your parents, he might be completely unaware of the issues you're facing and the additional distress he's putting on you when you're put on spot mid anxiety attack. I remember leaping out of my chair my freshman year of college because I just couldn't handle sitting still in class. I know that had to be difficult with all of the thoughts: they're staring at me, I'm having a bit of a breakdown, I was shot down by that girl, and on and on. I'm really sorry you had to deal with that. Sometimes things just seem to pile up.
This is a great place to be to talk to others. It seems like a few people have been in similar shoes as you, so definitely utilize the support until you can make arrangements. Keep trying to remain positive. The girl and the date you asked is actually very brave. Yeah, it hurts that it didn't work out. Trust me, that's all trial and error and it's better to be able to move on as much as it might hurt right now. Be compassionate to yourself and kind...give yourself a break on those panic attacks. They stink, but they aren't your fault. If you're able to Google good therapists who specialize in abuse and traumatic experiences, I really think it could lift some of that load you're carrying. It sounds like you have received a lot of really good ideas below on how you can potentially find a way to reach out to your parents to help you. You might be surprised to find out you have a lot more support than you think.
Truly, I hope the best for you and encourage you to keep holding strong. Answers will come and the anxiety can be worked on. If things are a bit a ways away from happening, a helpful solution for anxiety might be to work on breathing exercises. When I opened up finally and told my bosses at work and some co-workers, it really made a difference. They don't need to know why; that's none of their business. It just opens an understanding that occasionally or even daily, you need the hall or bathroom pass to remove yourself from so much stimulation to take a walk, find a stall to calm down in, or whatever might work for you. I don't know if anyone else here has utilized a phone number that can guide you to some help if you still cannot talk to your parents, but surely there is a number.
Please be well, know this is a safe haven at all times for you to express everything, and that sunnier days are ahead with a little help. You've taken a huge step by coming here and telling us about yourself. You can do this and we're all here cheering you on.
PS: Love Twenty One Pilots, awesome band
I have asked for a therapist but my dad said no because he does not know about me. Also, I woke up crying because I had a dream where I met Josh Dun and Tyler Joseph and I got to play on his drums with his help. I also had a dream about a friend of mine telling the counselor at my school and that was horrifying. I also got like 10 hours of sleep.
I beg of you to do this....
Choose 1 adult who is trustworthy, strong, intelligent, compassionate, and emotionally healthy to help you..
It only takes that one person to change your life for the better. 1 person!
Dont do what I did. I isolated myself. I lost a lot of years before I got help. I could have started fresh & new but instead life became harder for me. Do it. Tell that 1 person in your life everything. Yes, everything.
Shame is bologna. Shame is stupid and it can be holding you back. You gotta just find the right person. You can change your life for the better & quickly too.
Let me know what u decide. We are all here to help.
Xx Sunni
I'm afraid of strangers and my friends parents
No, dont talk to strangers. You need to choose a teacher you get along with or a guidance counselor or a coach, a pastor or church member- a person that you know.
An adult who you can trust. A person you think can be sympathetic and trustworthy and will listen & help.
I am an atheist, the counselor is going to figure out from one of my friends on Monday and I hate my teachers
Maybe the fact that the counselor will know what's going will help you. It might be a blessing in disguise. You never know.
or the counselor will tell my parents and my parents will get my sister into prison! I LOVE MY SISTER SOMEHOW! I mean she raped me but I still love her!
That's not necessarily true, ok? The counselor is under full obligation to keep things confidential. Tell her/him how you feel about the fact you are scared that your sister will go to jail. It's understandable that you love your sister, of course.
Dont you think the counselor has experience with people who have been sexually assaulted? Most cases occur not by strangers but people closest to them. It's more common than you know. Read the statistics.
I searched it and 37% of people are raped by a family member compared to 7% that were raped by strangers.
It's much higher than that but you get my point.
the rest of it is being raped by your acquaintance
Do u get my point?
almost, what is a counselor is it the person at a school or like something else?
A guidance counselor works at the school to help students. A counselor can be a therapist (psychologist) or a social worker.
As sunnidayz said, it may be a good idea to speak with the guidance counselor at school. They may be able to help you and/or your parents.
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