Huge fight with Hubbu

[stressed_out_mom_39]

So my 12 year old daughter and my husband (her step father) got into a HUGE fight yesterday. He was picking on her like he does with his children and she told him to knock it off. He didn't. I told them both to stop because I knew that if it continued it would escalated quickly. Neither listened. He still picked on her by pulling her off the couch and she claimed he hurt her arm. This resulted in her smacking him and swearing at him. Well that set him off, causing him to scream at her and she screaming back. I tried to intervene again and I was accused for not backing him up. He then said that she "plays" me and her bio dad to which I responded that his kids do the same. That was the last straw for him and he left the house, went to the bar and didn't come home the rest of the day and is still gone as I'm writting this. I sent him my apology for what I did and he responded I don't care, I'm done..to which I have no idea what that means but I fear the worst. He won't return my calls nor my texts so I've stopped sending them after my last one saying that I hoped I would see him this evening and that I still believed in us. Needless to say my anxiety has been through the roof with terrible heart palpitations all night, lack of decent sleep, and huge anxiety laying on my chest. I'm so scared that our marriage is over and I'm freaking out.

[fauxartist]

why are you apologizing?......he is the adult here..... and had no business pulling the daughter off the couch..he should have stopped before that and manned up and acted like the adult. She is still a child, your child....and if anything....she should have been protected from him. His answer is to go to a bar and get drunk?.... it sounds like there is more here than is being addressed...... and he agitated a situation to have an excuse to leave.... look back over past behavior and see if there is a pattern forming here... he needs to grow up.

[pam4him]

So sorry for the difficult situation. First, deep breath and allow him the time and space to calm down. Hopefully things said in anger were not his final thoughts on the matter. Consider a family meeting to discuss how far the picking should be allowed and respect of other parties who ask for it to stop. It may also help to talk to your daughter, that this is his way of treating her the same as his kids, of including her in the family, and perhaps ask if she can take a little picking as long as it isn't harmful. Just some things to consider. Prayers for peace and wisdom for you all.

[AuntBee]

Hubby needs to stop picking on your daughter. No amount of picking is acceptable and no amount of physical abuse should be acceptable. Sounds like the apology should come from him, not you. I wouldn’t worry too much about him being gone. Eventually he’ll be back, crabby as ever, and demand respect he doesn’t deserve. Protect your daughter and her feelings. She’s at a very impressionable and sensitive age. She needs your protection and she needs to know she can trust you to be there for her. Stay strong. When he does return, take time to negotiate new terms. Don’t let him get away with such bad behavior.