Tomorrow is my last group therapy session

[Orangeblossom85]

I feel so sad that we will separate tomorrow. It’s been 12 weeks. We’ve been meeting everyday except weekends for four hours. There was eight of us.

For me that was not that much of the time. Only at the beginning of December I started talking about me and my pain. I decided to take my voice only four times for the entire therapy... I feel like I wasted my chance. I feel like now I’m gonna be all alone with my unresolved problems.

Monday I will have to go back to work. I’m afraid that I’ll be fired for taking the two months leave. They will ask me why I was gone... I’m not able to tell them that I’m sick...

I feel alone. That’s the worst part of my life. No matter how many people surround me, I hardly ever decide to say something about myself. I really need support. I really need help.

I don’t want to live this way, I don’t want to be sick all the time. I want to live life like others do... I want to be just normal.

[kenster1]

hi gosh that's quite intense therapy don't worry to much about not opening up as much as others.what you learned from them is just as important and you could draw on that to help you.dont worry about work if you were sick then you were sick as long as you were covered for that period of time.have you planned to keep in touch with anyone that could be a good idea for you.i know its not the same but you have us as well.take care you done amazing seeing it through that deserves a pat on the back.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to kenster1]

I must say that the lack of support from my family is the number one stressor. I no longer have any friends as I quit absolutely everybody. I don’t know what to do. How to escape the cycle of tragic events.... I no longer have any immune system...

[Hidden]

Could you tell them at work you were helping a sick relative?

[gerg in reply to Hidden]

Honesty is important for us to live with anxiety and depression.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to gerg]

I would give absolutely everything to be able to just say what I think straight away... I’m hardly never honest.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

That was my way to make up for tiredness in the first month of therapy... I wasn’t able to tell them that I want to leave work to get better so for entire month I was taking night shifts only and telling that my grandpa is sick...

I feel way worse just to think of me going back to work and again facing the same fears...

The therapy let me recognized that I suffer from avoidant personality disorder mixed with depression... the best cure for all my drama is sleep.

[6ixtyon1]

That is intense, but it sounds as if it was helpful for you...I'm just sorry that you didn't get the time to explore all of the areas where you are experiencing more stress that needs to be depressurized...is there an out-program/any outreach that you could attend--even online--so that you are still getting supportive feedback? You could always attend outside of work hours...maybe someplace nearby has a support telephone line? Can you speak to your therapist/director about further contacts?

If you can't depend upon family and friends, you always have us, here...we want to help each other!

Let us know what you find out!

[6ixtyon1 in reply to 6ixtyon1]

Also, you don't have to tell people at work exactly what your issue was...I used to tell people that I was going through sessions, supporting someone else. Truth was, I was so determined at the time, I didn't care what anyone thought/believed, when I told them that. Sometimes, work gets to be too much about finding people's cracks in their private armor...when you are at work, you are there to work--nothing more. Unless you work for private investigators, it's no one else's business...especially, if your group at work isn't compassionate!

Someday, we will not have to work in environments that are so prejudicial...

[aaronm]

It sounds like some continued 1 on 1 out patient counseling would be helpful.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to aaronm]

I have to go back on modnay to see the psychiatrist again. Its probable that they will take me in for psychodynamic one to one.

[susanv1994]

I understand it is very hard to go back to work. I have finally reached a point where it is time to go back to work. It is scary but I know I can do it because I did it before. I wouldn't worry about what to tell people at work? Have you considered getting back in contact with your family? Sometimes family will support you. If not family, perhaps there is a weekly support group near you.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to susanv1994]

Thank you ! Your words are very important for me :))

For how long haven’t you worked? Is the leave caused by anxiety?

[susanv1994 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

I haven't worked for almost a year. I do have anxiety, and the anxiety was so bad it caused other health problems. I have had to learn to live a whole different way. I use mindfulness, which is learning how to live in the moment. It starts with focusing on your breathing. I am also losing weight, doing ti chi and yoga. The ti chi teaches you how to focus on one moment at a time. The yoga is for strength building. Next week, I start looking for a part-time job. I know it is hard, but you can do it.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to susanv1994]

Wow! That is very impressive!!! You are really really strong! Bravo!!!

[susanv1994 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

You can do it as well. If I can anyone can. It is work but it is worth it!!

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to susanv1994]

❤️❤️❤️

[Humankind-BE_BOTH]

As someone who is your kindred spirit in the search for a degree of normalcy and acceptance I wish you health and happiness in a difficult journey

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Humankind-BE_BOTH]

❤️

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Humankind-BE_BOTH]

Thank you do much !!!

[Humankind-BE_BOTH in reply to Orangeblossom85]

We can have doubts, that's ok but we MUST confide our skepticism to each other and our counselors. Baby steps, right?

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Humankind-BE_BOTH]

I’ll try my best to take baby steps! I just don’t know yet, what’s gonna be my first step!