Still not better: Good morning everyone... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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Still not better

takelifebacknow profile image

Good morning everyone. I thought I’d share my experience with anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed in high school, so about 20 years ago. I’ve had panic attacks for years. It’s gotten worse in the last few years, partially triggered by a rather traumatic relationship. He was a chronic cheater and emotionally abusive but I was in love. Naturally, he left me for another woman after 3 years together. I can’t seem to let go of the anger I feel about all of this and I’ve put on weight, sad all the time, destructive thoughts (so far not acted upon). Not self harm. I don’t think. I’m on lexapro. It helps the panic somewhat but I’m still having a panic attack today. I can’t seem to make myself get up and do anything. I’m too absorbed in feeling betrayed and worthless and angry he seems to be treating her way better than he ever treated me. I don’t know how to feel better. I know objectively I need to let it all go. How???

8 Replies

Have you read the book “live fearless by Sadie Robertson” I think it could help you.

Personally, when I try to get over feelings like that too quickly it just makes the process longer. I allow myself to feel bad and I naturally get distracted or the feeling just passed. Of course very tough feelings like the ones you are having will have a harder grip on you. You say he seems to be treating her way better than you but maybe you just don't know the full details of it. Your worth does not depend on how one person treated you, especially one that is a chronic cheater and emotionally absusive. Take your time building yourself back up and have patience with yourself. Like all tough feelings and experiences this will pass eventually. Hope this helps.

I believe you need to let him go. He apparently does not love you the way you do him. Life is short and why punish yourself anymore? I think that you need to live for you. There are more fish in the sea and maybe even better. Your life is yours and no one can live it for you. Time will heal the pain. Live and enjoy.

Of course I need to let him go. Objectively I know that, like I said. But my brain can’t seem to do it. The betrayal consumes me. And I don’t know HOW to let it go

You have been through a very difficult and painful season of life. I can relate and have felt that same pain of betrayal. At the time it feels as though you will never get over it, but you will. Yes, letting go is so important and key to healing , but it doesn’t happen automatically. Even though ihe was an abuser and he was so wrong to treat you that way, you can choose to forgive him and move on with your life. Forgiveness can free you from those painful emotions.

The scars remain but only serve as a reminder that they are old(in the past)!

You can move on with your life now that you are not being held down by a destructive relationship. You are valuable & loved 💗 keep looking up! God loves you ❣️🤗🙏

I know how hard it is to let go of someone you love and trust. It will take time. Healing from hurt takes time. I too feel betrayed and used by my recently divorced husband. For 17 years I loved and trust him. He hurt me emotionally and betrayed me. He works for the United States Post Office. He has for 30 years. He used me to make him wealthy. I was dying with a life-long battle of Anorexia. I was a farmer. We had our beef and crop farm for many years. I was taking care of the farm for years while he worked for the post office. I took care of 250 head of livestock by myself for 2 years. He told me before the divorce that all our money was his. That all the land we owned was his 401k. He left me to die with Anorexia. He made fun of me during my illness. I divorced his ass a year ago with no regrets. I found out from friends that he had been sleeping with men. He had also had been sleeping with his first cousin which is a female. He never shared this info. with me. I feel betrayed. I was used as a slave on the farm. I have recently recovered from my 40- year mental illness. I had to do it on my own. I mean to say I had to seek help from doctors as my husband walked out that day to go to work. In Nov. of 2012, I was dying. He did nothing but went to work. His love for money cost his marriage. I have no regrets about my divorce. I should have left his ass long before. I went to visit my mother 2 years ago in another state. I laugh now when I think of what I did. I had never hocked anything in my life. I went to a pawn shop and hocked my wedding ring. I feel great about that too. I left that ring 500 miles away. I love that.

Not sure how long it's been since the breakup/betrayal. Some time to grieve is normal so give yourself some permission to grieve and go through the processes including anger. Write it all down in your journal and even in a letter to him that you don't send (to send it just invites his response and you need to close that door). I hope you're in counseling to help you sort through the past abuse. It's all a process. Also read Safe People, Dr Henry Cloud, to help you spot future abusers. Praying for your healing.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, reading this reminded me of an ex that I dated for five years and it took me years to get over. He too was a cheater and he too ended up with another woman who he seemed to treat like a princess in comparison to me. I also put on weight and felt like I was suffering and I was the good guy in the story while the villain was living it up. It all seemed very unfair to me and was a rough period in my life. I shed so many tears over that loser and am now with someone who treats me like a queen and whom I trust completely. So there is light at the end of the tunnel for you!

My advice would be to try and remember that you chose to be with this person, not trying to blame you but it is worth exploring why you allowed someone to treat you this way and exploring and unpacking that could help you to get over him once and for all(and focus on healing yourself instead). And don't compare what he has with this new woman because we never really know what goes on behind closed doors, things are probably far from perfect with that relationship.

Hopefully you will be able to move on from this because you deserve to be happy.

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