I cannot stand when people assume things are just laziness.
Sometimes it isn’t just “being lazy.”
It’s laying in my bed crying and trying to catch my own breath. It’s trying to convince my minds thoughts and anxiety that the world isn’t crumbling all around me even though it feels like it is. It’s telling myself I have to stay strong because no one can save me but me and I know it’s the only stern thing I can say because I know how much I’m struggling to keep fighting. It’s not getting up for a cigarette, to turn on the heater, or to even turn off the light. Once I’m in these covers it’s like I’m in a game of twister and I’m on the losing end. It’s not doing my laundry for three weeks until I have two outfits left in my closet and when I finally find the strength to clean my room and do that laundry ... I can’t find it in me to put it all back up again. Sometimes it feels so pointless when my mind is such a mess.. why not just leave my room as my mind is.. a disaster. I don’t do art .. or listen to music and sing every song that plays .. I don’t dance anymore ... I’m just the shell of a person living like a clock just passing time. I am fighting so hard ... but I’m losing.
Written by
Vagabond37
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Hi! I know exactly how you feel. Keep your head up and do not let the opinions of others bother you. My family thinks the same thing of me and it use to bother me a lot but I had to get a grip because they don’t know truly know how it is to have yo fight so hard to keep it together. That in itself zaps so much of your energy. Until your mind gets back stronger just take things a little a time and block out anyone or anything that is disturbing to your peace you need our your strength to fight your battle.
I agree, I'm inside about 90% of the week because of my anxiety/depression. I have ZERO energy and it could be misunderstood as laziness? We hate feeling this way. I have a grandson I wish I could do more with, my daughter gets upset with me cause I don't. Seems like everyday my thoughts are about my finances what a mess I've made that because of this I could end up being homeless. I live in Los Angeles, it's Expensive here. I'm living off my savings, I need to work, don't think I can because of my anxiety. I retired early I had a nervous break down. So hang in there friend,. Happy New year 🙃
There is a difference between not wanting to do something and can't do something. Unfortunately we can't make people understand who don't know the difference. A daily struggle.
I understand how you feel. It can be difficult to understand for non-sufferers, how draining depression or any mental illness really, is. It’s one of those things that you often have to experience to understand. I’ve often had people say, ‘Look, I’ve had a think, and I completely know and understand everything you’re going through’. And then they go off on a tangent, assuming things that aren’t true.
You know you’re not being lazy, and so does everyone else here. I know it’s hard, but try to keep that in mind. As the childish saying goes:
It’s my _____ so I should know!
That gap can be filled with all sorts of things. ‘Cake’, for when someone assumed your cake is disgusting. And in our case, ‘mind’.
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