I cannot stand when people assume things are just laziness.
Sometimes it isnāt just ābeing lazy.ā
Itās laying in my bed crying and trying to catch my own breath. Itās trying to convince my minds thoughts and anxiety that the world isnāt crumbling all around me even though it feels like it is. Itās telling myself I have to stay strong because no one can save me but me and I know itās the only stern thing I can say because I know how much Iām struggling to keep fighting. Itās not getting up for a cigarette, to turn on the heater, or to even turn off the light. Once Iām in these covers itās like Iām in a game of twister and Iām on the losing end. Itās not doing my laundry for three weeks until I have two outfits left in my closet and when I finally find the strength to clean my room and do that laundry ... I canāt find it in me to put it all back up again. Sometimes it feels so pointless when my mind is such a mess.. why not just leave my room as my mind is.. a disaster. I donāt do art .. or listen to music and sing every song that plays .. I donāt dance anymore ... Iām just the shell of a person living like a clock just passing time. I am fighting so hard ... but Iām losing.