I cannot stand when people assume things are just laziness.
Sometimes it isnāt just ābeing lazy.ā
Itās laying in my bed crying and trying to catch my own breath. Itās trying to convince my minds thoughts and anxiety that the world isnāt crumbling all around me even though it feels like it is. Itās telling myself I have to stay strong because no one can save me but me and I know itās the only stern thing I can say because I know how much Iām struggling to keep fighting. Itās not getting up for a cigarette, to turn on the heater, or to even turn off the light. Once Iām in these covers itās like Iām in a game of twister and Iām on the losing end. Itās not doing my laundry for three weeks until I have two outfits left in my closet and when I finally find the strength to clean my room and do that laundry ... I canāt find it in me to put it all back up again. Sometimes it feels so pointless when my mind is such a mess.. why not just leave my room as my mind is.. a disaster. I donāt do art .. or listen to music and sing every song that plays .. I donāt dance anymore ... Iām just the shell of a person living like a clock just passing time. I am fighting so hard ... but Iām losing.
Written by
Vagabond37
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Hi! I know exactly how you feel. Keep your head up and do not let the opinions of others bother you. My family thinks the same thing of me and it use to bother me a lot but I had to get a grip because they donāt know truly know how it is to have yo fight so hard to keep it together. That in itself zaps so much of your energy. Until your mind gets back stronger just take things a little a time and block out anyone or anything that is disturbing to your peace you need our your strength to fight your battle.
I agree, I'm inside about 90% of the week because of my anxiety/depression. I have ZERO energy and it could be misunderstood as laziness? We hate feeling this way. I have a grandson I wish I could do more with, my daughter gets upset with me cause I don't. Seems like everyday my thoughts are about my finances what a mess I've made that because of this I could end up being homeless. I live in Los Angeles, it's Expensive here. I'm living off my savings, I need to work, don't think I can because of my anxiety. I retired early I had a nervous break down. So hang in there friend,. Happy New year š
There is a difference between not wanting to do something and can't do something. Unfortunately we can't make people understand who don't know the difference. A daily struggle.
I understand how you feel. It can be difficult to understand for non-sufferers, how draining depression or any mental illness really, is. Itās one of those things that you often have to experience to understand. Iāve often had people say, āLook, Iāve had a think, and I completely know and understand everything youāre going throughā. And then they go off on a tangent, assuming things that arenāt true.
You know youāre not being lazy, and so does everyone else here. I know itās hard, but try to keep that in mind. As the childish saying goes:
Itās my _____ so I should know!
That gap can be filled with all sorts of things. āCakeā, for when someone assumed your cake is disgusting. And in our case, āmindā.
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