Whatever: Christmas has never been an... - Anxiety and Depre...

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ItsSDG profile image

Christmas has never been an easy time for me. I've lost several family members right around the holiday, including an aunt the day after my birthday and my father 2 days before Christmas. I am now living several hours from the scant family that are still alive, but I was never truly close to them anyway. Add on my decade of retail work and I start dreading this month well before anyone else even thinks of Christmas.

The last 4 months, I've had what feels like severe mood swings and changes to how I respond to stressful situations. This time last year, I wouldn't dream of leaving my job. Now, I've quit 2 this year alone. Most days I just want to be left alone.

I've been trying to be my old self. I sat down on Christmas eve and sent out holiday greetings to people I haven't spoken to in years, members of family, to people I truly care about. It felt great, I was up beat, I greeted my girlfriend with a genuine hug and a merry Christmas, I thought maybe I can have a decent Christmas for a change.

I agreed to go with her to her family's for Christmas despite disliking being there. That's what you do when you care for someone, you take care of them. I sat in silence for 6 hours, letting everyone enjoy themselves and hoping this was what she needed from me.

I was looking at my phone when her father read aloud from my screen to the whole room. I froze, shut off my phone (which got a laugh) and physically turned away from everyone and started at a wall until my girlfriend said it was time to go home.

Maybe next year.

7 Replies

That was nice of u to support your girlfriend. And u was silent for 6 hours

Do u take anything for anxiety? I know

U made her day by going .

ItsSDG profile image
ItsSDG in reply to tamka38

I am not diagnosed with anything, I simply can't afford to go to doctors or have prescriptions. The closest thing to help I can afford is looking for free help online.

tamka38 profile image
tamka38 in reply to ItsSDG

U probably have to look into it, wherever u live should have a mental health facility

and if u don’t make enough money they can help u get service and u can come the Criss hotline and they should be able to

Help u too even the ER should point you in the right directions is help out here there are a lot of people that can’t afford and

still get the help they need look into it and let me know if u had any luck

Does your girlfriend know you have anxiety? If she doesn't someone may bring that to her attention that you wasn't well, its best if you tell her.

ItsSDG profile image
ItsSDG in reply to Sunandrose87

She knows that I've been struggling, I chose to go over and just accept the situation because I was doing it for her for Christmas

It surely isn’t easy going along with something you dislike to begin with. “Props to you”

Hope you have a great new year and things improve in 2019

Why wd her father read your phone like that. Omg

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