Whatever

[ItsSDG]

Christmas has never been an easy time for me. I've lost several family members right around the holiday, including an aunt the day after my birthday and my father 2 days before Christmas. I am now living several hours from the scant family that are still alive, but I was never truly close to them anyway. Add on my decade of retail work and I start dreading this month well before anyone else even thinks of Christmas.

The last 4 months, I've had what feels like severe mood swings and changes to how I respond to stressful situations. This time last year, I wouldn't dream of leaving my job. Now, I've quit 2 this year alone. Most days I just want to be left alone.

I've been trying to be my old self. I sat down on Christmas eve and sent out holiday greetings to people I haven't spoken to in years, members of family, to people I truly care about. It felt great, I was up beat, I greeted my girlfriend with a genuine hug and a merry Christmas, I thought maybe I can have a decent Christmas for a change.

I agreed to go with her to her family's for Christmas despite disliking being there. That's what you do when you care for someone, you take care of them. I sat in silence for 6 hours, letting everyone enjoy themselves and hoping this was what she needed from me.

I was looking at my phone when her father read aloud from my screen to the whole room. I froze, shut off my phone (which got a laugh) and physically turned away from everyone and started at a wall until my girlfriend said it was time to go home.

Maybe next year.

[tamka38]

That was nice of u to support your girlfriend. And u was silent for 6 hours

Do u take anything for anxiety? I know

U made her day by going .

[ItsSDG in reply to tamka38]

I am not diagnosed with anything, I simply can't afford to go to doctors or have prescriptions. The closest thing to help I can afford is looking for free help online.

[tamka38 in reply to ItsSDG]

U probably have to look into it, wherever u live should have a mental health facility

and if u don’t make enough money they can help u get service and u can come the Criss hotline and they should be able to

Help u too even the ER should point you in the right directions is help out here there are a lot of people that can’t afford and

still get the help they need look into it and let me know if u had any luck

[Sunandrose87]

Does your girlfriend know you have anxiety? If she doesn't someone may bring that to her attention that you wasn't well, its best if you tell her.

[ItsSDG in reply to Sunandrose87]

She knows that I've been struggling, I chose to go over and just accept the situation because I was doing it for her for Christmas

[Notame]

It surely isn’t easy going along with something you dislike to begin with. “Props to you”

Hope you have a great new year and things improve in 2019

[Hidden]

Why wd her father read your phone like that. Omg