Rumimation over past events

Hi everyone: 10 months ago I did a very foolish thing. I inadvertently posted my anxiety and depression struggles on my Facebook page. I thought I was posting within the anxiety and depression Facebook group that I was in however was on my own personal page, I was so embarrassed that when I found out that a few friends read it, I told them that I was hacked and that I did not write the post. Some who knew of my current struggles said it sounded like me as I mentioned specific meds whereas others who have no clue what I am going through said they knew it couldn’t have been me. Bottom line: I am humiliated and embarrassed to no end and cannot get this situation out of my head, I have visited psychologists and psychiatrists who tell me that my thoughts are irrational and that I need to move on as most if not all of the people who read my deep, dark post have surely forgotten about it and have moved on with their lives. I do not sleep well and have lost interest in most things that I used to enjoy. I am told that my mode of thinking is a form of ocd and that I need some type of anti depressant yet I can’t quite find the right one to deal with the rumination. This was a traumatic experience for me and I fear that if I don’t somehow get past it, I will have no true enjoyment in my life.

Thoughts ... ? Anyone have success with any specific meds that help with rumination/trauma.

Thank you.

[hypercat54]

Oh dear what a traumatic event for you. I think everyone would feel the same as you but you won't have been the first to do this.

Try and look at it from a different point of view - you probably helped one or two people who were also going through the same thing but kept it to themselves. They probably thought they were alone until they read about your struggles and they might have gone on to get help themselves because of you!

Maybe you should take ownership of it instead of saying you have been hacked? Tell everyone you were trying to help others when you posted too and it's much better to talk about your mental health problems then keep them hidden.

Your psychiatrists are right though in saying that it's old news now and it's doubtful whether anyone really remembers. You do of course but others won't. Others have long since taken over as a 9 day wonder.

Finally why not google mindfulness? This is all about living in the present and teaching you to do this rather than being stuck in the present or worrying about the future. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you for your kind words. I had just opened the Facebook account and only had 16 ‘friends’ at the time. I even went so far as to call 2 of them to see if they had seen the post and then proceeded to tell them that it was not me, because In many ways it was not the true me. I had been going through a particularly dark time when it happened. The ironic part was that I posted it and then went directly to a psychotherapy appt. Had I had the time to properly review the post, I could have taken it down before anyone read it. I was so mortified and to this day think about it day after day. To admit it now after 10 months would probably make me look more foolish and would just open up a forgotten issue. It has caused me anxiety and depression. I had a beautiful life before all of this...it’s sad.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

The more you think about it the more you will - it's like a vicious circle. Next time the thoughts come force them to turn away to something else such as the present time. It's very hard at first but if you keep doing it gets easier. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you. You are very kind and helpful. Am actually considering ocd medication but am fearful of side effects.

[ChicagoGirl1961 in reply to Hidden]

I think people/friends are more sympathetic and understanding than you think. One of the things I try to control myself is always trying not to care what others think. When we are worried what other people think it really contributes to anxiety. The fact is most people are to busy with their own life and problems of their own to pay as much attention to yours as you think. For those that are really your friends you could choose to share it was actually your post if it were ever to come up, however I entirely understand you not wanting others to know your condition. Please always try to remember that you are not under a microscope, people likely emathise with you, and that worrying so much about what others think is fueled by anxiety and that other people are not dwelling on that post or really that interested in your business. Sorry long as you carry on in life by doing right by others there is no need to worry what there mat think of you. Everyone else has there own sert of problems so they are not focused on yours. Be well.

[Hidden in reply to ChicagoGirl1961]

You make so much sense...I have actually been in therapy and the therapist told me pretty much the same thing!

[ChicagoGirl1961 in reply to Hidden]

Getting past being self conscious is something I struggle with, I wish I found it easier to practice what I have suggested about not being concerned what others think. Sometimes I just have to keep telling myself what I already know, that being that it does not matter what everyone else thinks, all that matters is what we think of ourselves. And today, I think I'm ok, and so are you!

[Hidden in reply to ChicagoGirl1961]

You are very kind and wise. Unfortunately, I hate myself for what I did so that adds to my anxiety. Just want my old life back yet I don’t see that happening any time soon.

[Hollick in reply to ChicagoGirl1961]

I'm great @ giving advice to others when in need. However, I can't seem to apply the advice I give, to my own struggles, it some cases it does pertain & would probably be helpful... Lol..I know what you mean, I think we have all done that.

[Fallout]

I'm willing to bet that your friends now respect you more for your truth telling about your anxieties and maybe you should try to look at it from that perspective.

[Hollick]

I'm sorry, may I ask, has it changed the way you view and use social media? My mantra, 'this too, shall pass'. And, it will! Take care of yourself, God bless.

[Believer21]

I can identify with your feelings so well. I have had similar experiences with not being able to let go. I am on Duloxetine which helps me. I also do gratitude writing which does not fix things overnight but does increase serotonin release and over time does help. I personally have also handed over the feelings to a higher power. This may not be for everyone but it makes me feel less burdened and somehow prayer has made me feel so much better. This is just my personal experience.