Home for Holidays / Insecure Attachment Style

[may-spirals]

Nearing towards the end of Christmas here in California. I'm spending a week here with my family, away from my safe space, the life I made for myself in Oregon. It's hard coming home to a dysfunctional family. It's also hard that because of my upbringing, I've developed this anxious attachment style, and I am away from my primary attachment person, which is my best friend/roommate. Although they no longer beats us, my parents still have a way to crawl under my skin with words. Now that I am in therapy, they make me feel like the most vulnerable egg, ready to crack at any moment. My best friend is here visiting too and was suppose to see me tonight, he is the only person that makes me feel safe, loved and whole. But he's so busy with his family, he wont be able to see me before he goes back to Oregon. I still have to be in CA until the Dec 30th and I have been struggling every day since I got here. I have intense highs and lows throughout the day, and I cant seem to tell my best friend about it because he's having so much fun with his family, he doesn't respond. Anything I say or do brings people around me down, and I've felt this whole time that it' be better if I wasn't here. But I am still trying. I am trying. I am breathing. I will be ok. I have to be. I need to learn to rely on myself and not fall apart if my main support system is not there for me. I can't rely on him all the time. I need to be okay with myself. I hope anyone else who is struggling like me can find peace in themselves. This will pass, you will get through this. I needed somewhere to let this out, I'm glad I found this site. I had a good Christmas overall, just battling some demons on the side. I am so strong for getting through the holidays, and so are all of you. Thanks to anyone reading this, Merry Christmas

[Hidden]

Man I give you a whole lot of credit for going home , I don't think I could do that one. See You've already accomplished something, I know not easy but you are doing it. I sure hope the rest of your stay there goes well, keep your power, it's only yours! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!

[Hidden]

I just went to your homepage & saw you just joined...Welcome to the site! I'm here for you if you need me! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs for you!

[seekingSunshine]

I am glad you have support. When from a dysfunctional family, it is difficult not to be codependent. Sounds like you are working on it. Glad you can see what is happening.

[Coco123456]

I feel depressed. I suffer. I wonder if the depression will ever go away