I'm new here, and I have GAD, Psychosis, and major depression.

[Crochet_Hook_]

Hi, I am new to this site. I have a fairly good life currently. I have a full time job, can function, have an amazing family, and have everything I need in life. But I have very severe mental illnesses that I try to hide behind medication.. I grew up as a happy child, with most of my whole family always being around. Cousins, grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings, etc. Everyone was always around and life was great. Around age I think 5 or a little older, my cousin and I were at my grandparents house playing in the backyard, when my male cousin asked me to touch him 'down there'. And then started our very weird relationship. My world fell apart, and I was just a little kid. My father was never in my life because him and my mother divorced. I think I maybe met my father once when I was a little kid. To this day he is a drug addict and alcoholic who is homeless, who I have never talked too. My mother raised us as a single parent. When I was younger it seemed like she was never there; and when I grew up she told me why.. Her and my sister's father were selling drugs and I believe that's why she wasn't ever around. When I got a little older, we moved to a different state. I was only allowed to see my cousins around a couple times a year who lived in the other state. Life was going well in the new state and I was happy. When I turned around 12 years old I really started acting out. I was hanging out with boys, getting boyfriends, started smoking cigerattes, and staying at parks all the time while my mom was out working.. Started skipping school and snorting pills which eventually led to full out drug abuse by the time I was around 14 when I was dating my first real boyfriend... He sold drugs and soon I was experimenting with all sorts of drugs and I dropped out of highschool. I got arrested 3 times and I got sent to rehab. I left my boyfriend and started living a better life. Then I was diagnosed with the mental illnesses I mentioned above. I lost everything in life and went crazy. I tried to commit suicide multiple times and the last time was just around 6 months ago when I took a bunch of my perscription pills. I also have a history of cutting myself. I don't know what's wrong with me or how to get better but I don't know why life has been this way for me. I'm finally at a place in life where I have gotten things together but am still struggling. In just a week I will go out of town to my home state to have a family reuinion. I have to see the cousin who made me touch him, and who sexually harassed me when I was just a kid. I'm so nervous and have been getting stomach aches like crazy, I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading my story and I'm sorry if this upset anyone, but it felt good to finally share my story...

[Hidden]

I'm sorry that you had to go through that at such an early age, but also inspiring to know that you're living your life despite all of this. I admire your bravery.

[Crochet_Hook_ in reply to Hidden]

Truely thank you so much ❤

[Cocoon3]

In my opinion , You stand tall at the reunion & don’t let the evilness of the molester win.. don’t act as tho nothing ever happened but mk sure he knows ... you are proud of who u are today & the storms you traveled built a very strong person

[Xena13]

Why are you seeing your cousin who abused you??? Not a good idea! Stand up for yourself!

[Crochet_Hook_ in reply to Xena13]

I always have to see him on family reunions..

[loveandlightseeker]

I am so sorry you went through such difficult experiences and applaud you for sharing. You are not alone. I know it seems hard now, but there is light for you at the end of this. You are not defined by these circumstances but rather they have shaped you into who you are. 💜

[Crochet_Hook_ in reply to loveandlightseeker]

Thank you

[TriggerPoint]

Welcome Friend. Great You've Opened Up !*

I Am Sorry That There Where Many Bad Things Happened In Your Childhood. WOW ! We ALL Here Can Relate & That's What's Great About This Site. Wow. If I Could Go Back & Change All The "Dumb Things" I Did In Childhood ? I'd Do It In A Flat Out Minute !* Kids Do Anything & Try Anything Feeling Out How to Grow Up & Deal With Tons Of Physical & Mental Changes. If You Notice ? I Said "Feeling Out" Because The "Brain" Is STILL Developing Understanding & BOUNDARIES In Life.

Heck !* Even Into Your Teens Your Brain Is STILL Doing The Same. Your Body Is Still Changing. & If Your Like Me ? Heck, Many Grown Ups Would Laugh At [ And Think It Was Cute ] When I'd Cuss or/ Do Something Stupid. Nobody Really "Sternly" Sat You Down & Said THIS IS BAD , You Don't Do That !* [ even if they did you fully didn't understand in your brain how one minute it was cute and funny and now it's a bad thing ].

Kids & Teenagers Do Stupid Things. PERIOD. I Mean, I Personally Think That It's After That "Rebellious Age" [Which Could Be Anywhere From 12 to 18] Before Our Minds Start Really Realizing Boundaries & Understanding What's NOT Right & What Is.

Me Personally ? I Grew Up In A Total Dis-functional Family. I Mean Almost Everybody . I Got My Butt Beat So Many Times As A Child For Cussing, Playing Doctor [ nasty little boy ] With Other Little Girls, Ect...Ect... KIDS Experiment With Everything. Even Finding Out What Feels Good Physically & Emotionally. It's NORMAL.

Heck !* My Mom Was Sure I'd Turn Out To Be A Hellion & My Brother A Angel !* It Was Almost The Total OPPOSITE Looking Back Now. [ not that i am anything special and my brother anything less. we all have our problems. look at where i'm posting ? ]

The "Cousin Incident" ?* You Where Both Kids & Kids Do Dumb Things. It Is Normal In Growing Up. Anything After That Was Just Growing Up Too.

Don't Think That Your Cousin Hasn't Never Thought About It & Thought, "I Wish That Had Never Happened" & "I Was So Stupid"..Ect....Ect...

Now Had It Been A "UNCLE" ?* "That Is A Whole Different Ball Game" !*

There's No Reason To Fear That Cousin ? You Where ALL Kids At Sometime Another In Life.

Now We Are ALL Grown Up. That Cousin May Now Be The One Family Member You Can Trust The Most . You Never Know.

Enjoy Your Christmas & Let The Past Go. It's Not "That Childhood Normal Kid Behavior" That Put You Where You Feel You Are In Life Today.

Love & Prayers~*

[Crochet_Hook_]

Have you ever been sexually assaulted? Or raped? Your comment is disturbing. Getting molested isn't something that is normal for kids to do to eachother. Your comment really infuriates me. Go . bye.