I’m sorry but I need to vent

[Cl0wn]

I’m writing this while sitting on the floor with my back to my bedroom door. I usually find myself here only when I’m afraid my parents will try and come in, thusly I’m forced to barricade myself in once again. This isn’t uncommon, I’m used to having my personal space invaded, especially after a fight. They are mad because I’m having a hard time finding a second job (the first one is hard enough to manage), and usually when to topic comes up it brings screaming and insults along with it (happy birthday to me I guess). They are mad because I won’t cancel my birthday party tomorrow (yes cancel it) so I can take resumes around with my mom to a few stores she found that are hiring. I offered to go out on Monday before work but they are both “tired of waiting” and want me to go tomorrow. What followed was a screaming fit from my dad about how I’m ungrateful and lazy and stupid and how worthless I am. According to them I won’t amount to anything and am an embarrassment. I’m sick of crying alone in my bedroom and turning to self harm when I get no support. I’m not allowed to see a therapist or go on medication because I can’t afford it and my parents are against it (they are very “health conscious” people and they believe that depression and anxiety can be cured solely through fasting and yoga). I’ve been dealing with it ever since I was little and I’ve felt depressed for almost 7 years. My situation is only getting worse and I don’t know how to fix it. Their expectations are so unrealistically high I can’t ever seem to make them love me. I was an honours student, I did sports, I’m an artist and I’m applying to university (while battling chronic depression) but it’s not enough for them. Does anyone on here know how to deal with living in toxic and abusive household? Or how to at least keep managing my mental illness in such a toxic environment? I’m hopefully moving across the country at the end of the summer if all goes according to plan, but it’s gotten so much worse since I got out of high school that I’m having a very hard time coping...

[AZ1970]

Wow. I am so sorry. You parents do not sound reasonable or rational. It is ridiculous to think you should cancel your birthday party. I would not be able to keep myself emotionally stable in that environment. I don't know if you have another option, but I would explore it. Working two jobs could be too much for you. Please vent to us whenever you need to. Your parents sound ill and they need treatment.

[trapis2]

Oh, the damage parents can do their children. I'm sure they love you but they are wrong to think that by yelling at you and calling you names that they are helping you in any way. Please believe that you are strong and wonderful even if they don't seem to think so. You do need to somehow get out of that enviorment and get some medical support. If you were my child you would get hugs and any help you would need and want. You will have to try and be much stronger than the average child to make up for the constant belittleing you get from your parents. You got this !! Hugs and know that you can love yourself regardless of anyone else's attempts to tear you down.

[JkBrauer]

I am sorry to hear about how abusive your parents are towards you. Medication for depression should only be used as a last resort. Sometimes the side effects can cause more problems than you had before. Have you tried getting into a depression group or going to see a local pastor from a church? A pastor can help you find a good fit somewhere for counseling and sometimes they can help you figure a way out of the problem themselves. There is also a program called Focus on the Family who has free counselors who specifically are always standing by to help people like you. They are also a great resource. I have used them, myself. 1800-A Family or focusonthefamily. org. I hope you can find help here as well.