As a child it seemed like a normal childhood. Even then I always knew I was socially awkward. I had trouble learning and got bad or mediocre grades. It was always a huge letdown because I really tried. My parents were always disappointed and I never felt I did anything right. Then there was my brother, 4 years older than me and excelled at everything. He got good grades, was popular, socially likeable, physically able, good at sports, and it all came so easy for him. I had to try hard just for a C, was the worst sports player, and didn't have any friends. Actually I was bullied every day for 2 years, kicked, punched, laughed at, made fun of, humiliated, and went home to cry every day. I never told on anyone. Teachers and my parents either didn't know or "didn't think it was that bad." My brother beat me every day too. He broke my collarbone by holding my arm behind my back and pushing it up to the back of my neck till it broke. He broke my nose with a punch a few times and at another time I had two black eyes at the same time. Again it all seemed normal to me. This is what should happen to children who are bad or not worthy. I knew my parents loved me and I know now that they tried but in reality they neglected me by a failure to protect. My brother scored a better than perfect on his MCAT for medical school and in a psychological evaluation for medical school, he had an IQ of 125, academically a genius. I had a low self esteem, low self worth, an IQ as my self assessment to prove it, and terrible at all sports and the fine arts. I would have committed suicide at 11 years old if I would've had any idea how to do it. It was always suspected that I was borderline autistic but by the time I was tested as an adult autism was negative and aspergers was no longer a thing.
As a college student I still struggled with grades. That furthered the feelings of being stupid, low self esteem, and low self worth. I developed 3 of the best friends I'd ever had, still to this day (1 being my wife of now 20 years) and in staying on campus I had nearly moved out of my parents house. Except for the grades, I was starting to excel. I didn't get make any connections to being away from my parents.
I got married after graduation and developed a career in corrections. That's where my bottled up anger came out and eventually I HATED my job. My marriage started suffering. Nobody would want to be married to me. I was an angry and bitter person. I hated my job and it started to become clear that my parent's attempt at controlling me and failing was causing them much distress. My father regularly cussed me about all the terrible decisions (in his opinion) my wife and I were making and our relationship still suffers now. It started 15-20 years ago.
I started counseling at the age of about 28. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, which manifests as extreme rage. I realized my parents neglected me and I needed to eliminate them and their negativity or find a way to not let it affect me and my children. I also realized I'm not stupid. I don't learn like most people. Its a shame not a single teacher was ever able to show me my true potential. I did that myself when I got a masters degree with a 3.92 GPA on a 4 point scale.
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aaronm
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My childhood was crappy too, as was fauxartist's. Her post about it really set me off. I am better and stronger today, though. I'm here to tell you friend, that you did nothing wrong! I was also bullied and tormented my entire childhood. I only got mediocre grades because I had no one to try for! All of teachers recognized my intelligence and twice I tested at about a 138 IQ. But I didn't try unless I was interested and so I was labeled as a slacker. When I was a kid, I contemplated suicide a lot. I was afraid of the physical pain though. Yeah, that's all that stood between me and my offing myself. I was a sullen, moody kid who had very few friends and was labeled a nerd/loner/loser by my classmates. I was adopted and my mom came to hate me for some reason. Her and my two brothers ganged up on me all the time. So, you and I had 2 strikes against us before we even reached adulthood! But, we're here now and we are putting one foot in front of the other and continuing to march on. Many of our tormentors can't say that. Yeah, there are days I almost lose it but, there are also days I'm quite proud of myself. I'm proud of you too, A. For being brave enough to tell this story and for being a survivor. Kudos from one survivor to another, my friend. & Congratulations on still being here to tell your story!
Firstly, I am "supposed" (depending upon "what test" you take--ha-ha!) to have an IQ of 134, and so what? While I made myself memorize that 25.4mm = 1 in., I still can't do math worth beans, read a map, find my direction in the forest/city, see in 3-D in my head, or solve story problems...I have a driver's license, because I have to...but, I am so anxious, even driving around town--I almost always take a cab to the next city, and I have never crossed the state by myself--and, I am 57! I get panic attacks, like crazy, when I'm driving someplace unfamiliar. Google Maps is sick of my "satellite repeats" of what my trip will "look like."
On the plus side, most people and animals like me, and even though I kill a lot of plants, they always start out cheerfully enough. I also empathize with others who have trouble learning, because I've always had a terrible time with learning.
Stranger still, I also learned in the last 3 years that I am strong enough to help others--and, myself--when loved-ones are dying...and still help with the legal details, afterwards--at least, getting the paperwork organized and in on time. What does half of it mean? Hell, if I know...I just take copious notes from the family attorney, research each term, online, and try to remember where I collate all the stuff...
If you can't try to be learning--no matter how hard you are having to do it--you will end up knowing nothing about living. That's one of the most bitter pills to swallow on planet earth...and, one of the most valuable lessons a person will be forced to learn, in order to recognize their own worth.
You hit the nail on the head, when you said that not everyone learns the same. My late cousin was a fraternal twin; he had a disease that killed off his nerve endings and terminated him, last year...but, what a difference he made on this planet, teaching others who had learning disabilities, because he knew EXACTLY what that felt like...and how unkind others can be about those difficulties.
I know that's why there was standing-room, only, at his memorial service.
His twin brother? Brilliant in sports/engineering/etc. And, naturally, he misses his sweet brother, like agony. So do we all...he was one of a kind.
And, so are you.
My parents and older and younger siblings were smarter than I was--and, luckily, kinder... But, they, too, were worried and puzzled. I didn't learn to read until I was 8 1/2...I couldn't decide if those word "formations" were meant to just be read like letters, separately, or if I was supposed to "read" them like in a storybook...go figure. I finally came up with my own code of memorization concerning words and learned that when someone asks you to "read" something, it means don't read off the letters, like they were an alphabetic string--just give them the "code words." But, that took a lot of practice to get into place!
My parents were raised in stressful situations, like yours, so we siblings lucked out on how we were treated inside the family circle. So-called peers? Another story. It wasn't until I left home and started community college that I finally relaxed around people I didn't know...esp. those in my own age group. To this day, I am so paranoid that I won't even re-touch my own hair/makeup in a public restroom, because I'm afraid someone will walk in and see me and say/do something that will cut me off at the knees--or, bring me to them.
And, I feel for you--you chose a good profession, but it set off bad triggers--but, you learned from that...and you realized before it was too late what was truly important in your life. And even though the going is very rocky, now, you are working to correct it--that takes strength, and while it's no day at the beach, you feel it's the right thing to keep trying. That takes intestinal fortitude, and you have that, my friend.
Furthermore, it's no one else's business whether others "like that, or not." It's your life--you live it and share it with whomever you like and love, and give all of your raspberries to the haters. Why? Because you are worth it and their negativity isn't! You "learned" from your situations. Obviously, some closest around you can't stand that, so they turn those discoveries into something "stupid"...their loss, my friend. You know what's valuable, and you are living your own life--they have no say in that. And if their negativity is all that they can respond with, then they aren't so smart after all, are they? They can't even "see," to appreciate how you are growing as a person...they are the insecure ones, not you.
So, who's the smart one, now? YOU are!
And never forget it, because emotional intelligence is the bottom line in this life--it counts! It's the baseline to the quality of your own story...that storyline isn't always pretty, but it is priceless and your own.
And, by the way, I'm totally envious of your 3.92 for a master's. I was lucky to get a 2.75 on my bachelor's, and I doubt I'll ever have the bravery to get another degree...the way I navigate, I'd prob. get lost finding the school!
Keep us posted, and try your very best to shun those who can't be charitable enough to support you. if my late mom were here, I know she'd repeat this bible quote to you: Cast not ye pearls before swine.
I hope you take that to heart. While Mom was totally secular, she often said it was one of the most important pieces of scripture ever written, besides the Golden Rule.
Support yourself, and you will support others, paying it forward.
Light and love, and never stop spreading what you gain, so that others know they are not alone on this world.
I ended up finding a new career and I still talk to my parents but I've gotten better at deflecting their negativity. I haven't stopped going to school. I'm back in now. I think its a feeling of validation the reason I love it so much. Thanks for sharing your story too.
Actually marks don't matter until you know what you're doing. One of my friends has 5.6 cgpa out of 10, still he managed to crack Facebook hacker cup.
If we have true potential about certain things, then marks won't matter.
And we should accept as a parent and fellow student that not everyone is same. Everyone have different pace for learning. What my friend take to learn, I take much more then him.
And about bulling. It's worst. Actually out of fun or dominance, someone do such things which affect someone's life a lot.
It's better you either solve everything with your parents or cut them off. Because unsolved things will give you anxiety, nervousness, it will start affecting you.
And am damn sure you're a great parent, as you know how to handle stuff. You know what to do and what not to, as you have already suffered it. So your children will never have to go through it.
You're a nice human ( ik that), that's all matters. Power to you and your family 🤘.
Thank you friend. I appreciate you and your very right!
Oh my goodness. This sounds like how my hubby was raised. I'm so proud of you. Never compare yourself to anyone again...You have become one fantastic man even through your struggles. It just shows never, ever give up. I am clapping for you..now take your bow...you my friend are AWESOME! Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy & hugs!
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New here, at my lowest.
My story about family, coping with depression, and lack of support
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