The Meme/Quote Life

[KikiK]

Crazy how one reads a quote or meme and nod your head or agree to how strong one should be or even how close it resembles how u feeling .... but somehow u agree for a second and see a glimmer of hope or light and then sink into the deptg of ur concerns, worries, depression and anxiety. If life could only be so simple. I sit thinking where did it all go wrong? How and when did i loose so much of myself? My happiness and my identity. I dont blame my husband whole heartedly but he is a big chunk of what shaped me today bad and good (mostly bad) good in the way... is that i lived a sheltered life. Thought that when i get married u get married to ur best friend u make babies and live happily ever after. Alas, was i wrong, its a roller coaster ride, where u find ur urself sick to ur stomach of all the ups and downs but the adrenaline rush and puy joy makes u a sucker for wanting to go at it again and again. So in my marriage i have pushed thru so much hurt to want to make it work not only for my kids and live but also for the idea of what marriage was suppose to be in my head of when i was a little girl. My marriage is good in the sense that it made me wake up to the fact that life is not clear cut, life is tough it eats u up and spits u out. Coz not every1 is like u wanting it all to be unicorns and rainbows. Dont get me wrong my husband isnt Count Dracula (altho at times he can be) its just the perception of what marriage suppose to be was not that for me. Coz here i sit in my lounge while my husband is fast asleep bot caring about the fact that we havent spoekn more than 15words today to each other and im up writing this post and his sleeping. So the meme/quotes i get sent or get posted on WhatsApp statuses or instagram stories is just something u laugh, grin or agree upon for a minute. Then u find urself back at ur self loathing, throw urself a pity party again, for the day.

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When reality smacks you across the face, it sucks. I'm sorry your dreams were mangled. I hope things look up and your rollercoaster evens out and goes a little smoother.