Online Dating: Hi all, I'm very sorry... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Online Dating

Downandout123
Downandout123

Hi all,

I'm very sorry if this question is not in the right place, but I looked to see if there was a better place for it and cannot find one. Soooooo.....I'd like to know if anyone else is online dating right now, or if you have in the past. I'd love to know what you all have to say. I realize that most of you are in the UK. I'm in New York. Let's see if it is any better for you, then it is for me!! Gee-I HOPE SO!!!

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Hidden
Hidden

I have used dating apps in the past...unfortunately I found the experience awful...😔 too many not being honest, nor genuine..it wasn’t for me at all. I did it for a while, I guess I kept the hope as I new a couple of people it had worked for, I guess they were just lucky 😊 I found it rather soul destroying in many ways 😩 didn’t help my mental health...and I didn’t realise I struggled at that time...I’d never use them again..sorry, it sounds like you haven’t had a great experience with it either...

Downandout123
Downandout123
in reply to Hidden

Thank you Olivia,

I could have written that myself!! This is exactly what I am experiencing right now. 😔 A very long time ago, after my divorce, I met a very nice man through online dating. We dated for 8 years on and off. That ended in Feb. 2016. Well, it seems like a whole nuther world of men out there!! First, I don't find myself attracted to many of the older men, and I will not date a younger guy. Second, the GAMES THEY PLAY are truly unbelievable!! Why say one thing and do another?? Why take me out to dinner, then to the movies, then ask if I want to see you Saturday, then ghost me??!! That's just ONE story. The amount of lies is just incredible, and how do we really even know if someone is still married, has a live-in girlfriend, or a regular girlfriend? I think that most of the guys are just looking for kicks. I state in my profile that I am a monogomous woman looking for a serious relationship. I don't know what to do anymore. No one i know has anyone they can fix me up with, I don't go to bars, and the meet-up groups are mainly women. I'm out of options.😣😑 Did you ever meet anyone after all that? By another option?

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Downandout123

Hiya.

Yes I experienced the exact same as you ...ghosting is rife, I mean why can’t people be upfront...I think the problem is we don’t know their true lives..maybe a some are in between relationships and get back with someone..I’m really not sure...but I feel the dating apps attributed to me at the time getting Ill, not just them, I had a lots of work related stress and other things that came to light but they didn’t help at all....I found them soul destroying ...

I’ve been single for 3 years as I’ve struggled with ptsd for that time and never bothered even attempting to try a relationship, it just wouldn’t have been fair..to them or me...I needed to find me first...

The good thing that has come out of that is , I’ve spent time alone for the first time in my life, as I’ve alwazs been in long term relationships...and I’ve stopped wishing for a relationship and enjoy doing things alone...so much so it would have to be someone pretty special now to entice me in 😂 I feel at peace and if it happens it happens...I agree there isn’t specific places to meet people I think just generally going out...as no one is going to knock on the door ...I guess you could meet someone anywhere ..art gallery, library, shopping...and I think it’s true it happens when we least expect....I’m no longer looking...but if I bumped into someone on my trips to the art galleries then who knows 😊❤️🎶🎶💕🌺

X

Downandout123
Downandout123
in reply to Hidden

"SOUL DESTROYING". I keep thinking of these words ever since you wrote them before. What a PERFECT WAY to define the feeling. And that's exactly right-aside from the other problems of daily life, and my depression, this is just making it 100x worse. 😣 I have a full time job, friends, a daughter, and 3 dogs to keep me busy. But there is just something missing, and I feel I won't be happy until i find it again. But this is ridiculous already. -To keep.staying on the sites. They don't work for me. But I really have no other way to meet men. I work from home, so can't even meet men on my commute to work! And forget about the grocery store! They say that is the best way. I have NEVER been approached in a store!I am VERY HAPPY for you that you have found peace with it though!! God bless you on your journey!

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Downandout123

Yes it was how I felt at the time just crushed..souls destroying fits the bill ...

Yes I constantly felt something was missing too in that period of time but I think I was looking for someone else to make me happy somehow, and now I realise only I can do that....I just feel so different ..I’m nit even sure what happened to me 😂 it’s peace anyway..no longer feeling something is missing...

It is difficult to meet someone if your looking, I think group things like meet up is the only sort of thing even if it’s mostlz women being out there gives the chance...or a walking group, but when you would go to these you could go to something alone instead...it’s difficult but ya need to make a bit of time for ya self

Good luck to you too...it will happen I’m sure 🌸🌸🌸

Downandout123
Downandout123
in reply to Hidden

Thank you!! I wish I could find some of that peace that you have found! So happy for you!

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Downandout123

Keep the hope..life changes from one day to the next...

I wish for lovely things for you ..🌺

Downandout123
Downandout123
in reply to Hidden

Thank you so much! 😊

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to Downandout123

🌺🌸🌺🌸

I used to online date but I don’t really recommend it..

Thanks Pink,

I just wrote a whole long message, and lost it. 🙄 The thing that gets me is the lies. Why say something if they don't mean it? And the ghosting. What cowards. 😡 All they need to do is send a text message saying that they changed their mind, or we are not a good match, or whatever. Just CLOSE the issue, so I know to move on. We have become a society of disposable people, and that makes me VERY sad. If any guys are reading this, I know it goes both ways. Women do the same thing. No one has respect for anyone anymore.

Before I met my husband I dated online for a number of years and had a great time. I usually spent several weeks talking to any given guy before agreeing to meet. When I felt comfortable, and Never before then, I’d agree to meeting.

I dated casually, but with the openness/desire to find someone serious, and was upfront about that from the start. I had a couple bad dates, but because I spent so long getting to know someone before actually going out, the vast majority of my dates were great. I saw a few of my matches on a regular basis for a few years. Others I didn’t click with physically, but did build good friendships with and I still consider them friends today.

Online dating is a tool, and to get good results you have to be good at using it. Unfortunately, there are a lot of “tools” dating online, but if you learn how to spot them you can walk away quick before becoming too invested in someone that doesn’t fit.

I find that even if I take enough time getting to know someone before actually meeting, a lot of times that all goes out the window when we finally do meet. Most of the time, I do not feel attracted to them.

Hidden
Hidden

I tried getting to know guys first but when we met they still weren’t really who I’d conjured up in my head due to,what they had said, so those weeks getting to know and like them prior to meeting had all Been such a waste...and made me feel so disappointed....

I tended to try meet quite early on to not get to that disappointing situation...so at least there wasn’t lots of time wasting involved...

Just how I found it x

Hi Olivia,

EXACTLY!! This is how I like it to be-we meet on the site and exchange just enough emails so that I know if he is someone I'd like to meet. Exchange phone numbers and speak on the phone quite soon. From the time we speak on the phone, meet that very weekend. None of this going back and forth, phone call after phone call, only to be let down in the end.

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