New here

[johnathan200]

I’m new to all of this. I’ve been a recovering addict for the past year and a half and that’s been my exposure to groups like this.

Last night I was feeling dark thoughts and called a hotline given to me by the therapist that comes to our job site. I talked with another therapist for an hour and she worried I was suicidal. It led to me being admitted at the hospital and receiving a psych evaluation. Unsurprising I was diagnosed with depression. I’ll be setting up an appointment with a psychiatrist today to get treatment per the evaluation last night. I’m not opposed to any treatment options they propose. In fact it’s a relief because I’ve been in denial about depression. I’m fine admitting other issues but the depression has been tough to come to grips with.

Now I say this cause I’m pretty scared. And chatting with people who are helpful, but don’t know how I feel, is tricky. And I have been told many times that I did the right thing last night and I’m strong for this but I admit it’s hard for me to actually agree with that. I feel pretty weak right now. I know that’s negative self talk but I’ll lay it out so I don’t pretend I’m “just fine”.

I’ve learned through anonymous addiction meetings the importance of talking things out. Thoughts feelings etc. so that’s kind of my goal here: connect with a group and keep talking things out so they don’t stay hidden.

Thanks.

[Sillysausage234]

Best wishes in your recovery 🖖

[No1wthayla]

Johnathan, I hope you get good advice in therapy. I personally can't go to therapy because I hate talking about myself and my issues. At least here, someone can talk to you BECAUSE they have been there too. It's not just psychobabble and medicines being added to what you already take. Or they give names to the problems you have but the doctors don't know how to treat it at all. And they give no hope that you might get better some day. But here there is a kind word, an offer of support, a person who has been there, a hug, a person who really knows what might really help you. Call on us anytime you need us. Prayers and hugs. May your days brighten and your thoughts be uplifted.

[johnathan200]

That’s exactly what I felt last night at the hospital. I totally get that these are professionals and stuff but boy does it help to talk with someone who doesn’t think you are crazy. I know people last night were trying to help but it’s like “I just need someone who has actually been there”. It helps greatly thanks for your response.

[Rilo7268 in reply to johnathan200]

you'd be surprised. some of the professionals have probably been there themselves but it's not about them so they're not disclosing it. i doubt they think youre crazy either. also, if you meet with a therapist and feel like they can't relate to you or you don't connect, find another. good luck.

[kenster1]

hey that's great news that you have been clean.sober for over a year congratulations and may it forever continue.having addictions usually blocks out all our emotions some people don't want to feel emotions or real pain for many reasons hence the reason for addictions for lots of people.now your clean/sober you will be feeling emotions abandoned for long periods of time.you done the right thing last night now you have a diagnosis maybe now with the right help you will overcome it pretty soon I hope.therapy really is a great tool in recovery as you learn so much about yourself and others.the strength you gained from battling addictions will help you through this period as well.your strong and always remember that.im sure everyone else would say the same on here.here anytime.

[viiexplorer]

It took guts to go get help, and I think it's nice that you are reaching out. It took me 17 years to make that change and personal admission ...

[johnathan200]

Thanks. It’s true. I’m happy to have reached out. I’ve kept it all in for so long and that sucks doing that all the time. I appreciate the responses. It’s nice to just take a step back and realize I’m not as crazy as I initially think. It’s comforting to know others have been there and dealt with this before.

[Indifferentlycalm]

Welcome to the site

[johnathan200]

Thanks everyone. Happy to be here. And I’m hoping to continue with my therapist who I see through work. He’s helped me a lot this week. He’s given me some good perspective. Like the fact that I feel like I’m not doing enough. But he wisely pointed out that I’m doing therapy and trying to be honest about what I’m feeling. So that’s a pretty good start. I just need to keep getting the dark thoughts out when I feel them. And continue to get help I need. Thanks for all the listens.