For those who live alone , how do you cope ?

[Roukaya]

I have been living on my own for the vast majority of my life .

I would like to ask those who live alone , what coping strategies do you use to make your self feel better ?

For those who face isolation and extreme loneliness ? How do you cope ?

[hypercat54]

Hi Roukaya. You used to always lock your posts but don't now?

What people do is go out there and look for what they need. If its friends then join something to meet others. If you have something like social anxiety or something then you seek help with it maybe through therapy.

You must be prepared to change and accept less than perfection. You read up a lot on your symptoms and see if it clarifies anything for you and also look on YouTube too ie the self help route.

You must be flexible and remember nothing is ever perfect but often something else could provide something towards your needs if not 100%. But 20% of something is a lot better than 100% of nothing.

Most of all you must be open to change and seek it. This is all based on my own experiences.

[Roukaya in reply to hypercat54]

I hope you are well and thank you for your reply .

I have a lot of work to do on myself and as for Ramadan if I feel as bad as yesterday , I will only observe what I can .

It is important to listen to ourselves and continue to try .

I have a hard time adjusting since my Mother went back and thank you for listening .

I expect with your back pain it can flare up and cause you considerable pain and hurt and I hope you have pain killers or pain relief to be able to manage the flare up .

[Turnipgirl in reply to hypercat54]

When I took my current flat back in May I told myself how nothing is perfect and it wouldn't hurt me to give it a try and I'm glad I did!

I was happy on Tuesday just gone when I got another job after all that time!

[Hidden]

Good morning Roukaya, on living alone well I actually prefer it,and enjoy my independence but I would like boyfriend rather than not,although sometimes im glad I don't have one,when I here of others relationships not many seem to get on that well,and envy me affording to live alone,as you know I tried living with my mother, and also lived with a partner for 7 years he became v controlling and as was his house he made it clear at times and I never felt I could do what I wanted as in decorating and DIY having to ask him first, and he was untidy and that kinda irritated me, when I had started to go off him, mens habits can be somewhat irritating too 🙄I think it works better living with someone if you have lots of rooms and can watch TV on your own or programmes you like without distraction, I can't stand someone talking when I'm trying to absorb in a film or my favourite programme, I have bot of OCD in I detest dirty shoes coming in off the street walking allover my clean floors I let people do it to a degree but I don't like it, the streets have germs dog dirt etc and I just like clean carpets to walk on, I'm a very friendly sociable person and love company but at the same time I need lots of time alone, peace and quite I love the tranquility of my garden with the birds singing and all the green especially when the flowers come, I'm telling you this so you will see the benefits of living alone and when you buy your next home get a garden,hopefully near a park or nature, I can walk out anytime and chat with dog walkers, or in a shop the library, and on here, im also on a date site and chat on there, i do enjoy watching tv it brings company in kind of as there's people on TV I hope you'll do what I suggested and join in on posts on here I will continue directing you if im on a post you may like to join in with, but also read posts and give advice your a intelligent lady im.sure you can give some good advice, and support as of experience from your own struggles, an all consuming hobby be good a adult education arts n crafts class i know your good at flower arranging, im starting swimming soon last time there were regular people that i chatted with 🤗💛🌻

[Roukaya in reply to Hidden]

Good morning I hope you are well.

Thanks for well written response.

I do live on my own however my Mother stays with me over the Christmas period and I normally go for Ramadhan.

But this time I thought to sit the Property paper in June and visit .

I think by buying a small home with a garden is a good idea and I was once told by an estate agent , the right house will be waiting for you and this certainly your experience.

I have been adjusting to life since my Mother returned back and I continue to apply for employment.

As a Muslim, we are taught to believe life is a test of faith and a struggle to conquer each and every obstacle.

We will only have in life what is meant for us .

As for loneliness, I will participate in activities which can be of an uplift.

I hope you get your home beautifully decorated and you will feel at peace .

[Hidden in reply to Roukaya]

Thanks Roukaya, well we all have our own religious rules beliefes I guess, I believe that in a way we have in life what is meant for us and somewhat in the cosmic laws of karma and past lives, and also astrology but i believe we do have some freewill also and life is often what we make it, obstacles come but its how we deal with them that can change things, you really must get a home with garden i spend hours in mine and feel v exhilarated after good gardening session and uplifted at the beauty of the flowers I plant watch grow and look after, I really feel a animal companion be good for you too I say i live alone but of course i have my cat, and he often sleeps with me I cannot imagine not having a pet, i bumped into my ex nebours dog other day she gave me a cuddle, we get unconditional love of pets and they do talk to us as I do them, I was offered a dog minding job anf I do look after cats in others homes, maby yiu can do something like that, I hope you get some nice food in you today 🤗😸

[Roukaya in reply to Hidden]

Very thoughtful anc thanks for your reply .I wish you a good day ahead

[Turnipgirl in reply to Roukaya]

I'm a firm believer that when things are for you they won't go by you as well!

[Turnipgirl in reply to Hidden]

Sometimes the best thing to do is sit down with tea and biscuits during the day to watch some rubbish TV to have a break from it all!

This afternoon it's swimming at 3pm which I always enjoy and yesterday told my friends there the good news that I got myself another job after all that time and they were glad for me!

There had been times with job and home searching when I had broken down and cried with the stress and frustration of it all!

How are you and Prince Pixie getting on?

Baby is great and sends him her regards!

No you do not live alone as you have Prince Pixie who rules the roost!

[Hidden]

Well said, I'm sorry you are trapped in your living arrangements is there any way around this 🤗

[Roukaya]

It is very true what you are saying. At times I have always believed it is better to be on your own than with the wrong people.

I hope you can find the peace and independence you deserve

[hypercat54 in reply to Roukaya]

There are many types of connections you can make from casual acquaintances to good friends and everything in between don't forget. Any of those will help towards your loneliness issues.

[Hidden]

Thanks Roukaya you too I'm just going on a post you may want to join in on its about peanut butter I'll direct you 😊

[Turnipgirl in reply to Hidden]

Peanut butter is one of our store cupboard staples here!

[Turnipgirl]

One thing I'm glad I got spared of is getting myself trapped in a miserable marriage!

Years ago I lived in a bedsit type place for many years until I got married!

[Adlon57]

Be very careful from scams, I don't have many friends, but over the years learnt to enjoy my own company, not a very sociable so and so, limited finances and transport, when I do go out bare minimum of social contact, do not enjoy big social events, hate commercialism especially on TV do not trust what is said there, but have to adapt through adversity, adapt your routine, which I try to make as simple as possible, hate AI and the black claws it daily tries to envelope all of us, barest of technology, eg using smartphones and its way of getting into my security and general way of life😤

[Roukaya in reply to Adlon57]

Good afternoon

Thank you for your reply .

I do not think I am sociable either and I have trusted too many only to be badly let down .

I can see from my Mothers perspective, her friends simply befriend her for their own benefit and this saddens me greatly .

I have been seeking to re enter employment since 2018 but studying at the same time .

Even for a volunteer role I was told there is a waiting list and I hate to be treated as a desperate person .

I live within a budget and I would welcome the opportunity of working and I apply and become disappointed and saddened at the lack of response .

My self confidence seems to have been knocked quite badly so it is hard to continually believe in yourself

Thank you for your honesty

[Adlon57 in reply to Roukaya]

I realise now I am a survivor, left school with nothing, was going to be put into a home, but have learnt mostly by myself, night time classes, took off work for a couple of years, living off money I had saved, and love and patience of my parents, got qualifications, later degree. Continually knocked around by bad health, and subsequent pit falls caused by my bad mental and physical health. I am a hard bas###d, had to be, my lack of interest in the goings on of the world and anything that did not affect me directly, not interested! As a result not too many friends, I must survive if I want to continue, as the arrogance of AI continues to grow, I perpetually fight against it, I want privacy on my own terms, preferring the values of the 20th century, as I am sure a lot of people I know prefer themselves. As a result I know I am withdrawing within myself, although I would love to travel, but enjoy nature in as far as possible in it's natural surroundings, unfortunately very unlikely now as diagnosed as terminally ill, broken skull, with irreparable brain damage. Thankyou for letting me get that off my chest👍

[Roukaya in reply to Adlon57]

Incredible resilience and determination to live your life on your own terms .

I expect I can hear the pain you have endured to be where you are today and I have the greatest of respect for you and your hard won battles .

I only have my Mother who lives overseas and in my Mothers country people , family or friends befriend you for money .

My Mother is very independent but is getting older and this saddens me .

As for mr , it is the job search that triggers my anxiety and sadness.

I restudied back in 2018 once my Father died and I passed a Law Diploms in Probate and now studying Properly ad these are my interests but at 54 I am struggling to find an entry level position or something which can progress a legal career .

But having listened to you , you are fiercely independent and careful but full of wisdom and courage.

[Hidden in reply to Adlon57]

Hello Aldon we need to be so careful 🤗

[bonkers65]

I like living alone. I have more freedom.