Some kind of a start

[Mr_Niceguy]

Well, I dont know what to say. I'm not ok, I've never talked about it. I never thought it would come to this..

[Jozey17]

We all have bad days. I did just the other day. Have you spoken with anyone about how your feeling? I tend to surround myself with people when I am feeling very down.

[Mr_Niceguy in reply to Jozey17]

No I haven't. I don't really have anyone to talk too. It really didn't effect me to much the past 3 years but I noticed it, I felt off, like not quite myself some days. But now it's fully flared up. I think I might have PTSD. But I will be getting tested to know for sure. I just need answers to what's going on with me.

I can 100% say I don't feel mentality ok.

I don't know who I am anymore, I dont see any purpose in life besides being remembered for something important or usefull. And ever then I knock that down and say who gives a f**k we die anyway. That's a small small example of the stuff going on in my head. I don't want to seem crazy so I'll keep it PG 13. I will add that 3 of my rolemodels that I looked up too, got tought by and loved very much all died the same year. 3 months apart, and the one that kills me the most is my father. Its been 3 years and it brings me to tears just typing it. I dont cry in front of people. I hide alot..

[Mr_Niceguy in reply to Jozey17]

Thanks for talking you really didnt have to and I appreciate it

[Jozey17 in reply to Mr_Niceguy]

You’re welcome. I sent you a message as well. Keep your head up high and take it one day at a time.

[Iloveart7]

Welcome! I think you'll find many here that feel or have felt the way you do. I hope you find the courage to get some help.

[SirGrits]

Mr_Niceguy it seems to me like you have just made a crucial admittance. Such immense loss in such a short time is bound to leave serious scars. I encourage you to seek out professional help.

And definitely find somewhere to let it out. But don't beat yourself up too hard about how it comes out. People respond to events all sorts of ways, express (or not) emotions in all sorts of ways. It's part of what makes us beautiful--the variation. If posting here helps, continue to bring it on. You are among friends here.