Freight and afraid

[Ncrazy]

I lived the poverty prosecution ghetto life.where we give we bad luck a new meaning.in this life it's experience chaos and drama mental instability experience the most random unpredictable sadistic evil situation circomstance.its one problem after another.it never stops.I told friends of mine here I am living some what living a normal life good job good diet exercising things are fine.then I meet this amazing woman my aniextys disorder comes out of remission.its one problem after another,I got the hot flash skin crawling throwing up mood swing aniexty about my aniextys. Catrosphic chicken little the sky falling.losing jobs career in trash back on welfare real ego booster.driving my relationship into the ground.

[crazyaboutmyself]

wow....cats got your tail....or are things backward....turn around befor you jump

[Hidden]

This is a problem that just seems to perpetually be on the bottom of societies radar, and certainly the governments. It is easy when people are warm and fed and living in safe suburbia to say "well just get help" not understanding that survival needs are the priority. Just taking care of yourself with basics...food...shelter...safety is all consuming, and then if you live below the line you can neither afford mental health care, and often don't have the means to get to the free care what little there is out there. There is hope. I know hopeless is all you sometimes feel when you live in the "ghetto." First stop calling it that. The outside world calls it that as a way of making you feel less than or like that's all you deserve. No matter how bleak your neighborhood is, allow yourself the pride and dignity of being who you are where you are. Second I volunteer with the most inspirational man I know. I'l share his story briefly and then you can you tube him if you like. He grew up in the streets of Chi-Town, dirt poor, project living. He got into a gang, shot four times, fell into addiction and wound up homeless and eventually in prison. Someone in that prison saw him. Not his life, or his socioeconomic status, not the life he had lived...they saw him. He got out, got his AA in addiction counseling, and he hit the streets. He founded a 501C where he feeds the homeless, he counsels youth, he helps people get jobs and teaches them life skills. My point is...hopelessness is temporary. You can google "We Rise Above The Streets" and find his story there. He has also been on CBS on Gail King. Hang in there

[fauxartist]

self sabotage....I know the drill...did it for years. When ever my life seemed to be on track and things were going pretty good, I always managed to screw it up. My self worth was crap from an abusive childhood and always lived in chaos in my life...so when something 'normalish' was happening...it was not the norm for me...so sub-concious self sabotage took it's toll on many a job and relationship...it mainly stemmed from being told I was worthless and didn't deserve to be happy and treated like crap as a kid....took a long time and a lot of therapy to exorcise the majority of those demons. I had to learn how to love myself enough to know that I did deserve to be happy, and how to not screw it up. Will always be a work in progress....but life does get better.

[Ncrazy in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you for reply but I never did drugs or harm or hurt any one.from time as a child ghetto story rape beaten left for dead orphanage after orphanage problem after negative problem.walking the streets of Boston homeless and hungry as child time going bye from a child to adult I use to look threw people's window wanting so bad the birthday the holidays the barbecues dinner clean clothes stable consistent life.but problem after problem.now I got audience my fiancee watching my aniextys ( the noropthy the the throwing up the catastrophic thinking etc) PTSD ripping me apart.trying anything to hang on to her.

[fauxartist in reply to Ncrazy]

I am so sorry you had to go through all of that....and don't we all have stories to tell. Your's is horrific too, and valid, and the scars left no one feels them the way we do. I was also physically, sexually, and verbally abused all my childhood and young adult life...I was emotionally and physically abandon....lived on floors, couches, and in the back seat of many a car growing up and with anyone who would take me in. I know how it feels to not have christmas, or birthdays, never had any holidays most of my life growing up....I was left with CPTSD along with other stuff....it's more of a repeated long term trauma. Decades later I am still battling depression and some of the effects of my childhood trauma....which is amazing to me that the damage done is so deep, in the limbic primal region of the brain....that the best we can hope for is learning to cope with the triggering stuff that comes up in our lives. There are many here like me and you,... believe me it's one place where you can talk about all of the stuff we went through because someone here and often many hear will and do understand. Welcome and thank you for sharing.

[Ncrazy in reply to fauxartist]

Hey kid I appreciate the response.i call my self General Cowan Powell plenty of metals and wars won.i salute you,your recovery your wars sexual abuse etc you know what sucks we know our metals but know one will ever see them.Then like I said one thing after another from my childhood to my adult hood.now I am with my fiancee my aniextys disorder is out shaking my head.my fiancee said accept what I am now.i just can't insecure unconfident strange sometime I get social aniexty witch isn't me.This demon has changed my personality.taken so much.

[fauxartist in reply to Ncrazy]

I have a few friends like me and you it sounds that have partners in our lives who accept us with our 'stuff'.....my emotional roller coaster can put me in a pretty dark place at times, especially during stress....and when we have someone willing to just be there for us no matter what....that is very healing too. I'm glad you have someone like that in your life.

[Ncrazy]

Hay Bonnie how was your day 😀