The same thing

[BG298]

I haven't been on here for a while, but the thoughts of losing myself in a world where nobody seems to give a crap about how I feel in my own body linger, and always will. I have tried breathing therapies, I have tried talking to a professional, but nothing seems to heal the pain in my body. I question whether anyone will miss me if I decide to end it all today, I question whether the ones I love will blame themselves if I kill myself, but it seems to always be a rhetorical question because no one will answer those questions for me. I deal with abuse everyday, both physical and mental, yet nobody seems to understand that I am trying to get better. Every time I take two steps forward, someone knocks me 5 steps in the opposite direction. What's the true meaning behind my pain? Why don't my parents understand I am broken? Smoking marijuana doesn't numb the pain anymore. Taking pills doesn't help me feel happiness. What is the point in living such a depressing life with no happiness at the end of the tunnel? It's so frustrating knowing that you want to get your shit together but nobody else wants to lift you up and help you become that person who is surrounded by 4 walls of depression in her own mind. The real me is trapped in my own head behind this face of depression. I want to smile, I want to laugh, and I want it to be genuine, not a face I have to put for society to see. So how can that happen without me giving my soul up? Without losing control and taking away my own life?

[mjlitl13]

Hi BG,

Have you tried any meds for your condition? They can help a lot to get you started on your road to recovery.

Please don't give up! I have had problems all my life, just about, since I started school and I am now in my 60's.

It's a long road but, for me, there have been times of hope and yes, even happiness!

I have experienced courage I never knew I had!

In addition to therapy and a Psychiatrist for meds, support groups have been a big help to me!

There are many free groups out there. I had joined ACOA (Adult Children Of Alcoholics) but you can be an adult child of a dysfunctional family, and those groups will help a lot! There are many other free groups out there but you need to be ready for a group situation. It took me until I was 40, due to my social anxiety, but it worked so well that I am now "out of my shell".

Just remember, you are NOT alone!

We are here for you!

We have all been through similar problems.

Keep coming back and let us know how you're doing. We don't judge, remember that too.

Hugs,

MJ

[aaronm]

When all else seems lost we still have hope. This seems like a great place to instill that hope and the motivation to keep going. I suggest you seek out some counseling and/or treatment and if you can't wait to get an appointment go to an emergency room.

[fauxartist]

I hate this disease..... with a passion.... and I am sorry your going through it... it's not fare, it's not your fault....and you did nothing to deserve this. If you have people in your life that you feel are not being supportive...that's just adding to how you are already feeling, and it's not helping obviously to have no support system. You can have one here though, we are just like you.... trying to learn how to live with this and get through the next day.

This is a chemical imbalance in the brain, it's not because you did anything wrong, you feel like crap because your depression makes you feel this way. I don't have any great solution to this.... and nothing I say is going to change how you feel right now.... I've been there too, we all have and are. All I can tell you is to keep fighting for you.... not for anyone else.... just you.... why?... because you deserve to be happy and at least be happierish.... having some kind of life. We fight everyday for this.... and it's exhausting.... but I would not have known these people here, or have my true love in live with me now, live where I have always wanted to, or know what it's like to be unconditionally loved if I gave up those many years ago....life is messy and difficult to manoeuvre...but there are rewards.....

Depression never completely goes away for some of us.... we always will have the ups and downs.... the downs suck...be we know they won't last forever....

[BG298 in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you.. I appreciate those kind words of yours, and I know I can be happy and cheerful, but the waiting is such a burden. I want to get better and maybe I should seek the help you and everyone else is advising me to seek. I just think at my age, I am 17, I would be able to have fun and experience life, but it just is not that way for me. I think I just have to seek more help, better help, so that I can feel the sense of happiness I want to achieve.

[debbiegk]

I am sorry you are feeling this way now. Please know how valuable you are and this will not last forever. I have suffered with depression since I was a preteen and I am now 55. Have you talked to your doctor about how you are feeling? There could be another physical issue going on. This time is your life is a difficult time for everyone your age because you are about to embark on life on your own and depression makes this time so much harder. I like to share this link and hope that you find some encouragement: bit.ly/2mFxWoz .