Friendship falling apart

[Malumaf]

I feel like I’m not allowed to complain to my best friend, everytime I do she yells at me about how I need to be nicer and work on myself and give people the benefit of the doubt, but then when she complains to me she’s the victim she can do no wrong everyone around her is just awful, I feel like she holds me to a higher standard than she holds herself and it just really upsets me because it makes me feel like this twelve year friendship is crumbling and I don’t know what to do cuz I hate confrontation and avoid it all costs (so much so when she yells at me I just don’t respond and ignore her)

[strongmom15]

Just recently my husband and I had a similar communication issue. I thought I was venting and nicely asking him to do things different. But after we spent ALOT of time talking, we realized that we both were interpreting things each other said differently. I had no intention of hurting him but he took what I said painfully and felt that I was being “mean”. And when I felt misunderstood I shut down and didn’t want to talk anymore.

So maybe try lowering the emotional part of the conversation and writing down your feelings? Maybe see if they’ll read the note and maybe that will help them understand. Maybe they’ll do the same thing in return. The calmer the better. So try to be understanding towards them and hopefully they will be understanding towards you. And depending on the issue, if it’s not a big deal, maybe consider letting it go. Somethings are not worth fighting over. Especially if you’ve been friends so long. But if it really matters to you, and you’re communicating in an assertive but kind way, then your friend really needs to work on understanding and communication with you too. It’s a 2 way street.

[Malumaf in reply to strongmom15]

I like the idea of writing it down, I don’t know if I’d send it to be completely honest with you, but maybe, thank you for the advice

[strongmom15 in reply to Malumaf]

No problem! Best of luck. Hopefully you both will work through it.

[IheartDogs]

If you have been friends for 12 years, you must be extremely close. If so, you owe it to each other to be honest and truthful together and to share what's on your mind. Honesty always makes our true friendships stronger and helps the people in it to understand each other more.