Introduction

[FDSabes]

Hi everyone. Depression and Anxiety disorders ran rampant on my father's side of the family. As I (don't) like to say, "I drew the short straw and got them both in large doses." I've suffered from anxiety, or what I call "the chemistry of anxiety," since birth, with Major Depression really kicking in when I was a teenager. I'm 62 years old now. Physically I feel more like 50, while mentally I feel more like 80--I'm worn out. So, what profession did I end up in? You may have guessed it... I'm a therapist, 26 years and counting. I also worked in the helping professions before I formally got my master's, so I've always gravitated toward this work, mostly because I wanted to help fellow sufferers, and I love what I do for a living. It's more like a ministry. As many of you have said, it is so sadly true: Living with this is a battle every single day. And then, as if it couldn't get any worse, it did. My wife asked for a divorce a few years ago, after 24 years of marriage, and I've been living alone ever since. The loneliness on top of everything else is unbearable. I've prayed for years, "God, please cure me or kill me." And speaking of God, I thank him for the few close friends I have. I thank him for my 3 children, although my 17 y/o son hasn't spoken to me in many months and seems to want nothing to do with me. My kids are ages 19, 17, & 12; I got married when I was 37. I guess 2 out of the 3 kids who are part of my life "ain't bad." I long ago adopted and made my own a certain passage of the Bible. A woman is asking Jesus for help but he's ignoring her. She persists and finally he says that he was sent for the Israelites; she was a gentile. He says, quite unflattering, "It's not fair to take the food from the master and throw it to the dogs." To which this tenacious and humble woman replied, in effect, "That's true master, but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master's table." And I often say, "God, just throw me some crumbs and I'll be happy." If this next and, for now, last thought sounds weak, well so be it. I'm weak: Really the only prayer I have left in me, something that keeps me going, is for a woman friend, companion, and lover to come into my life. I have a bad taste in my mouth about marriage so I doubt I'll do that again. But life simply doesn't hold any interest for me anymore without love. And I say to God, "What the hell am I still doing here?"

[NotToday]

Welcome!

I've been dealing with GAD for about 20 years. Its been suppressed until last year, then BOOM!

Any hoot, I saw that you're looking for a companion. I think you're a nice looking fellow and I have someone in mind. 🤭 What type of women to do like?

[FDSabes in reply to NotToday]

Hi. That's very sweet of you. Thank you. It's hard to say what type of woman I like without sounding conceited or shallow or both! The first thing is there HAS TO BE some physical/sexual attraction. Even if it's the nicest person on earth, if there's no chemistry, it won't go anywhere. So I think I'll just say that for now and take it from there. I've been on a few online dating sites for about 6 months and here's my experience: the women I'm attracted to are not attracted to me, and the women I'm NOT attracted to ARE attracted to me. It's so frustrating. Fred