Where to go?

[soupysales]

Hello, I am 60, single, never married, no children. I am new here and need to find a support system. I can't do this alone any more. I have been experiencing the most profound loneliness and helplessness and hopelessness. Life used to be a little easier and needs to get better. I am a Christian.

[LillyDilly]

Hi,

I hope and pray you will find the direction you need to feel better.

This is my personal story and I hope it helps you: about 6 months ago I hit rock bottom emotionally and with relationships. I searched the internet for help and found several different things that helped. My negative self talk was so bad I couldn't sleep. The thing that has helped me the most is realizing I was severely codependent (find my worth from how others think of me). So I have been on a journey to appreciate and love myself in a very healthy way unconditionally. After all, God loves us unconditionally! It has not been easy but worth it. It has been very hard to change the false belief systems hanging out in my subconscious but I am doing it. Melanietoniaevans.com is the resource I use. She is an expert on narcissistic abuse but besides that she is also an expert on codependency. It is revolutionary. I

I hope you find a path that is best for your journey.

Love,

LillyDilly

[Timmypliskin in reply to LillyDilly]

I wish you the best of luck, I think the first step is actively looking, or asking for help. Wich you are doing...

Please keep moving forward.

[soupysales in reply to LillyDilly]

Wow....My younger sister told me about Melanie about a month ago. Since then one of my newly recognized narcissistic "friends" has unfriended me and blocked me for a reason I don't know. She won't talk to me to tell me how I supposedly hurt her!!! But she is befriending my older sister who is also very, very narcissistic and who also won't tell me how or what I did to hurt my so called friend......Go figure. Very hurtful people.

[soupysales in reply to LillyDilly]

How are you falling in love with yourself? i feel like that is such a stupid question, but I just don't know how..

[myiabennett]

I empathize with you! It sounds like the loneliness you feel has gone on for awhile. I encourage you to schedule a visit with a local therapist! You can use sites like psychologytoday.com & goodtherapy.com to look for counselors who you think you’d have a good connection with. Also check out nami.com to find free support groups in your area. You don’t have to talk when you go to a group, you can just listen quietly—no pressure. Groups have a way of getting rid of that feeling of isolation and thoughts like “I have no one.”

Support systems take time to build and having a therapist and group can help you feel better and provide weekly relief & encouragement as you grow your support system.

Volunteering is another way to get engagement & connection with other people in the interim. Be open to different “levels” of relationship interactions & support...if you can’t experience the understanding & love of a close friend or biological child right now, consider accepting the appreciation of a teen you could mentor, or affirmation from a domestic abuse survivor that communicates your importance and needed interaction with others, just as you are. I hope this helps!

[soupysales in reply to myiabennett]

I have a limited income right now, and it would cost me $40 per visit to see a therapist so I am trapped by my medical coverage. I will be looking to see if I can find better coverage. But you know what? I have paid for a best friend for so long...I started therapy in my 20s, but here I am in my 60s and STILL dealing with the same issues. I am at a loss.

[myiabennett in reply to soupysales]

Conduct a search for free groups in your area. Check out nami.com, local hospitals, churches, outreach centers. Renounce negative self talk...continue doing only what works to improve your mood and increase your life satisfaction. Good luck.

[KrierandRosie]

I understand your emptiness. It was almost a full time job finding one good guy. But I did find him. I am eternally grateful for him. But I have few ‘friends’, mostly acquaintances. I have no family and quit my job four years ago. Since then I have taken a variety of temp jobs. I have two huskies, who I adore. But I do suffer from anxiety, depression and physical ailments. I am 65, so I also feel your fear. Where do you live?

[soupysales in reply to KrierandRosie]

I live in Southeastern Michigan.

[SirGrits]

Hey soupysales it sounds like the Lord has called you to a pretty tough place. I imagine that you've become an expert at "waiting upon the Lord". A biblical promise that keeps me steady is that He'll never give me more than I can handle.

Human's are backwards creatures, often the opposite of what we think is best. Have you given any thought to joining (or leading?) an older, singles (or even single sex) small group? I'm introvert and I moved from my home town about 10 years ago--my best relationships and sense of belonging has come from my group.

[soupysales in reply to SirGrits]

I am also an introvert and don't know how to start a group without it costing a lot of money. I am also in the middle of filing bankruptcy which is making me feel like a loser. This too shall pass and can I ask what verse in the Bible states that God does not give us more than we can handle?? I can't find that one. Thank you for your suggestions. I feel so confused I don't know where to start, so I am feeling stuck, too.

[SirGrits in reply to soupysales]

I suppose it's somewhat semantics, but 1 Cor 10:13 states that He won't tempt us beyond what we can bear. Maybe an indirect connection to your situation, but He certainly isn't tempting you to give up.

I recently got a nightmare boss that ultimately phased me out. Within a week of truly submitting to His will, I even prayed that "if You want me to stay here Lord, I'll give it my all", I was let go. Within a month He brought me to a new job. It's not a better job, I'm only marginally happier in it--I've got a good boss but everything else is a downgrade. But He answered my prayer in a direct and clear way, which isn't always how He does it. He's put me where I am and directed through circumstances. Perhaps your being led into something? A ministry of some sort or something beyond any of our sight? Job never really had a clue about why he went thru what he did, and it was all to God's glory.

Hang in there. God has a plan for you (Jer 29:11, Heb 10:36, James 1:5)

[KrierandRosie]

It is hard to be on a limited income and find ways to feel better emotionally and socially. Is there anything in your neighborhood you can attend for seniors? My city has Saturday night dances for $5, and some free events. You might be able to meee some people there.

[soupysales]

I have seen so many "professionals" its not funny. and it would cost me $40 per visit to see a therapist so I am trapped by my medical coverage. And you know what? I have paid for a best friend for so long by being in therapy, but here I am in my 60s and STILL dealing with the same issues. I am at a loss.