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Anxiety and Depression Support
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school stress on top of my depression and anxiety

junior year just started and everyone is so much smarter than i am. i missed so much school because of me being in and out of the hospital so i have a 2.5 gpa. i dont think i'll be accepted into any universities with that so im pretty stressed out with that. additionally, my parents force me to take IB classes which are basically AP classes. its just too much and im not sure what to do anymore

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I would try explaining this to your parents the way you just explained it here. Be honest with them. That’s all you can really do that I can see or come up with. I sincerely hope it works out for you...🌞

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thank you!! it just feels so hard to do. asian parents are really hard on kids

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HI Bingoluvr15

I have daughters around your age, one with pretty amazing anxiety, so I'll come at this from the mama point of view!

First and foremost, take a deep breath! I know that the pressure is on, especially as a junior, but I'm here to tell you that all the intense emphasis on grades and IB/AP classes and SAT/ACT's etc is completely out of hand. For teens who already have quite enough anxiety, this is the last thing needed. So I'm sorry you are experiencing so much added pressure and stress right now.

Secondly, you sound very smart. So I don't buy it:) I suspect you are at least as smart as your peers!

Next-

Do you have a therapist? If so - how can your therapist help? My daughter's therapist pulls me aside for things like this. "Hey, Lisa is pretty overwhelmed with school. Can we somehow modify the load?" It has a lot of punch coming from the therapist

Guidance counselor- Can you get your guidance counselor involved? Maybe he/she can talk to your parents about your class load. Can you set up a meeting with you, guidance counselor and your parents?

School therapist/social worker/school psychologist- do you have one? Same as above- to facilitate discussions with your folks

If none of the above people can help- Can you just pull back on the AP's? Maybe negotiate with your parents to do maybe 1 this year and move into the non-AP classes for the others?

504 accommodation (I'm assuming you are in the US) - do you have one? Can you get one? Given what you've said about your hospitalization, this seems like a really important thing right now. My daughter has a 504. Here is some info re: 504 with anxiety :https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/partnering-with-childs-school/instructional-strategies/at-a-glance-classroom-accommodations-for-anxiety. There's another accommodation plan that is more detailed and requires more work to get in place, called an IEP. Talk to your guidance counselor about both of these. It could help you catch up and give you some breathing room right now!

Family therapy- this might be a good idea to mention to your parents. They probably don't know what you're going through and a good therapist could really help with the discussions.

Tutor- Tell your folks you need a tutor! My daughter had one for 5 courses 2 years ago (a very tough year for her with her anxiety). And/or do you have a homework club after school? Lots of really bright students run the homework club at my kids' school and they tutor for free there.

Lastly, you WILL go to college if you want. I have no doubt. There are many roads to a college education. First off, there are colleges for everyone. People I know personally with a ~ 2.5 GPA (or less) in high school who went right off to college. No, not Harvard but that's OK. There are many great schools out there without the snazzy name that everyone knows! There's always 2 year college and then transfer to a 4-year college. People take gap years. All kinds of things are possible!

Check back and let us know how things are going?

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wow, thank you so much calm_mama you sound like an amazing mom and your daughters are so lucky to have you! i do have a therapist and she is really great. its just that sometimes, talking to someone isnt enough. my school social worker doesnt really do much unfortunately but call my parents when i have attacks. my class loads are not too bad, its just that my parents really get on me for it and end up stressing me out even more than i should be. ive tried family therapy but its just really hard because whenever i talk about how i feel, my dad will chuckle or my mom will say that im lying. every time they get mad at me for some reason so now i refuse to do it. my parents just seem so far from change and im just stuck in the house till i graduate

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Hey there. I think you are doing a great job. If you weren't able to do the work in the IB/AP classes, they would not have allowed you to take the classes. I'm sure you're as smart if not smarter than your peers. Try not to worry about college right now but do good in school. Have you considered getting a tutor for your classes? Maybe you could study outside of school hours. Have you thought about what college you would like to attend? I know people who took classes at the community college before going to university. This way, they were able to get a higher GPA to get into the college they wanted. In my state, if you go to a junior/community college, you can automatically transfer to a university. Maybe consider looking into the college you want to attend and reach for that goal. Maybe talk to your therapist about strategies to help you with your anxiety. Sometimes parents don't understand because their generation wasn't familiar with anxiety and stress. Have you considered telling your parents how they make you feel when they chuckle or say that you are lying? Don't give up. You are doing well. Wishing you the best.

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