Another Job Loss, Another Failure

[Kakee83]

The title says it all. On Wednesday September 12, I sent a message to my boss almost two hours before my shift telling her that I wasn't feeling well and that I needed some rest. She told me on that Tuesday that I could use my vacation days to call in sick, since I have been calling in sick a lot and still have vacation days to use. I thought that I was safe not going in on Wednesday because of what I was told. Man, was I wrong. Apparently, they needed me to come in on Wednesday because they were short staffed. I was told that I had to talk to an actual person to call off and not to leave a message. Apparently, this is my third warning for not following appropriate procedures for call offs and I was terminated. The issue is that I don't know how to pace myself in the work place; I get too physically and emotionally invested in it to the point where I become exhausted. I have uncontrollable and embarrassing meltdowns at work and ultimately I tend to lose the job. It's not like I put a child in danger or anything and I still had 10 vacation days to use, so I thought that there was no justification for firing me. Even so, since the handbook clearly states the appropriate procedures for call off and not following these procedures would result in termination, I still got fired and I was balling my eyes out.

I had a very bad session with my psychiatrist on that following Tuesday (they got me in right away to see her). My psychiatrist just kept nodding her head and smiling to try to comfort me. She has done that before like she wanted to ask me serious questions but didn't know how to do so, because of the state that I was in. I of course ended up balling my eyes out and read her a negative email that my husband wrote to my mother, that offended me weeks before ( he also wrote a negative letter to my psychiatrist about me). I was feeling so down at the fact that even though I was the one who had lost the job, my husband was playing the victim. It upsets me that the only ones initially who were truely supportive throughout this ordeal were my psychiatrist and my mom. Things are better now with my husband after a long talk with him, but still I will never forget the negative words that he has written to my psychiatrist and my mom about me. I am really not a bad person. I just have serious issues, but who doesn't.

This has been the first job that I actually loved in a long time. I wasn't eligible for unemployment so I applied for disability and social security yesterday on the account of my mental illness and physical impairments. I even wrote a message to my psychiatrist helping me with it. So far, I haven't heard anything. I know that I can't get another job on a whim, because the same negative pattern will just keep happening. That's my history. I also stopped counseling a while back when I really needed to stick with it, but I just couldn't afford it anymore.

We shall see what happens....

[gogogirl]

Sorry for the loss, but maybe this will also be an opportunity to grow. I know it's scary- but now is the time to work on those patterns that you know about already otherwise it will just keep happening. If you are in the USA besides family/friends- there are groups such as NAMI Recovery Learning Community and Clubhouse that might be able to help you.

[Kakee83 in reply to gogogirl]

Thanks, gogo girl for your response and support as always. I definitely agree that now is the time to work on those detrimental patterns. I have been visiting the NAMI site. It does have a wealth of information in regards to mental health. I'll try the group out.

[gogogirl in reply to Kakee83]

Good- that is a start. Perhaps there is a group near you as well.

[Rpan]

These things happen, it will work out in the long run. 👏sounds like you did the right things.

[Kakee83 in reply to Rpan]

Thanks for your positive feedback, Rpan.

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry that you lost a job that you truly liked. It’s painful to go through and I understand from experience, how it can make you feel like a failure. Realize that you’re not a failure, just a work in progress! At this time in your life, maybe it would be better for you to take a job that’s less demanding and stressful. I did that for about 5 years and have only recently upped the ante, so to speak! Understand that no job tolerates excessive absenteeism. For me, I push through the urge to call in and have found that it works well for me. I usually find that I feel better once there, and if not, it doesn’t kill me to push through feeling poorly. I know that calling in will get me fired and if not fired, they will view me differently, and I don’t want that. You can change your negative patterns when and if you so desire...take a job that’s less demanding and stressful. At least you will be working which I know will help your self-esteem. I’m wishing you peace of mind!!

[Kakee83]

Thanks, GratitudFirst for your advice and comforting words. I agree that I need to take on a less demanding job. You are right that once I am at the job, I enjoy it. It's the idea of not wanting to get up in the morning and fighting the urge to not call in that's difficult. I feel comfort knowing that I am not alone in this matter. The first time that I was written up for calling in from this job, my psychiatrist told me to go part time so that the job won't be as demanding. When I mentioned it to my husband, he said that we need the money. I really should have listened to my psychiatrist instead of my husband.

[monnieloves]

Hello. The power of our words can change our circumstances. If you replace 'I can't because of the same old pattern keeps happening" to "I can and will keep a job" and follow that up with actions then you can have whatever you say.

[Kakee83]

Very true, monnieloves. I need to use CBT skills and positive affirmations more. My psychiatrist uses a lot of positive affirmations with me. I need to start believing in them.