Here We Go Again: My sister suffers... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Here We Go Again

Tkay93
Tkay93

My sister suffers from RA, it’s something that is not seen but felt. Everyday she has a hard time doing normal everyday actions from sleep, waking up, weather changes and walking.

She talks all the time about how hard it is for her, because know one fully understands what she has to go through.

I hate being one of those people, whenever she talks about her sickness, I can help but think “what about mine?” “How do you think I feel? Being 25 years old and not able to leave the house without feeling like shit, can’t go to the movies without fear, not being able to do anything”

I hate that I feel this way but I do...

9 Replies
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What is AR?

Tkay93
Tkay93
in reply to gogogirl

Sorry I Meant RA it’s Rheumatoid arthritis

Have you told her how you feel, your struggles matters too not just hers

I’ve Tried to talk to her about it but it’s always an “everyone has anxiety, everyone goes through depression” it’s always down played and acted like it’s “not a big deal” and ever I tell her that I’m able to understand some of how she’s feeling it’s a “no you don’t” so I’ve just given up, put it’s hard because the thoughts come up whenever she talks about it and I’ve never had anyone to share my thoughts and feeling with. At lest not someone who will down play my own sickness to hers.

Everyone has challenges and yours are not any less important than anyone else's. Sometimes the people that we want understanding and compassion from are unable to give them to us.

It's ok to get the things we need from others. I understand how difficult every day tasks are because I have the same struggles.

You can do many things. I'm certain of it. I know things are challenging, but I know there are many things that you can do, so don't say you're not able to do anything. All the things you do are valuable.

There are certain family members that I have that don’t fully understand my anxiety and depression. It’s hard not to be able to talk to them because they are family. You want to be able to have that closeness with your family where you feel like you can tell them everything. Sometimes that’s just not possible. It’s impossible to force someone to see something that they don’t. She will have to see it on her own. Until then, try and talk to friends and/or other family members that do understand. Lean on the people that support you and recognize your struggles as a real illness. Your sister may realize over time. Only time will tell.

Hi Tkay,

Hopefully I can relate...

First a little background....My mom has had RA for almost my entire life. It is, as I'm sure you know, a debilitating disease. I never had a "normal" mother growing up. She was very limited in the things she could do with us as kids. She is now 66 and the disease has ravaged her body. She literally looks and moves as if she was in her 90's. And honestly....my family and I don't think she has much time left.

About 4 years ago when I was clinically diagnosed with major depressive disorder, it took me a while to tell her. I was very fearful of her response. She does not believe in taking medication for most things and believes in natural methods of healing. Any time she had tried medication in the past, it only made her feel worst. When I finally told her about my disease, she felt terrible and wanted to help me in any way she could. When I told her I was taking medication, the mood changed. She flat out told me that she does not beleive in psychiatric medication and that she wished I would stop taking it. This is by far one of the most hurtful things that anyone has ever said to me. My own loving mother didn't "believe" in something that is helping me. When I subsequently told her how her comments made me feel, she did something similar to your sister. She started crying while telling me no one cares or understands how she feels. She made this conversation about herself. We have since then had an open dialogue about my issues but it took us around three years of us avoiding the topic whenever we talked before we got to that point.

Now the reason why I'm saying all this is not to make this post about me (this is your post!) but to let you know that I very much understand what it is like to have a loved one suffer through RA. The constant pain they go through deeply affects them mentally as well, whether they realize it or not. They have pain we can't possibly understand but then, so do we. If I were you, just keep trying to explain how you feel as well. Let her know just like you support her, you need her support too.

I know for me I have come to grips that my mom and I may never see eye to eye. Since she probably doesn't have much time left, I just try my best to bite my tongue when she does or say something that is completely ignorant to my struggles. I love my mom very much and you only get one so whenever I get a chance to visit her, I just try to make her laugh.

Anyway, I hope you can keep trying to communicate your feelings with your sister and hopefully one day she will understand. Even if you agree to disagree. And please DON'T feel bad for feeling the way you do. They are your feelings and they are completely valid.

At the end of the day, we only have one life that is so short. Just please keep trying to get her to understand. It's obvious you love her and she loves you too. I think love is all you need for her to eventually get what you are going through.....even if it takes a little while.

Jay

Tkay93
Tkay93
in reply to Jay0711

That you so much Jay for sharing your story and experience. And I know your not trying to make this about you! Sharing stories and experiences is a great way to connect and show understanding to others feelings and struggles.

I hope that some day I can get to that place with my sister (the way you have with your mom) but I can’t see it happening, though I hope for it everyday. I stay quit around her as much as I can, because I know that whenever I start to share my feelings or what I need from our relationship to make it healthier for the both of us, it just turns into and argument, and never a conversation. A couple of times she even told me that “your to complected.” “Your asking to much.” Or my personal favorite “I don’t have time to do all that.” It just hurts be to speck up and it hurts just as much as to stay silent.

Thank you for sharing with me, it really did help.

Jay0711
Jay0711
in reply to Tkay93

I'm glad I could help a little bit.

I echo what the others said above. Sometimes the people you want to understand how you feel won't. That exact reason is why I joined this forum. There is literally no one I knew who understood and it felt very lonely.

Please keep trying with your sister. Maybe she will never come around. But maybe she will. At the very least you have everyone in this group to talk to and help you through.

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