Need a friend

[Cjonesup]

I find it very difficult for people outside my family to take serious my social anxiety and the physical symptoms which prevent me from going places, they think I look normal so I'm fine just a flake.

[Agora1]

Cjonesup, I gave up a long time ago in wanting people to understand both in my family as well as friends. I relate to Anxiety as in having a Headache. It's been said so often and used as an excuse that no one believes it's for real.

The more we try to explain the deeper hole we dig for ourselves that after a while we can begin to wonder, are we over exaggerating? We know what we go through. We know how it impacts our lives and that is all that is important. Maybe it's good that we look normal making us fit into a crowd of people rather than stick out like "where is Waldo?" (I'm here, the scared one)

The forum understands Cjonesup. Come here when you need validation, we will support you xx

[Agora1]

x

[sunrisesunset]

It's a shame people aren't being understanding. Honestly, you hide your social anxiety well in that picture. I think people expect "shy" people to look a certain way i.e. withdrawn, no smile, etc.

You can't please everyone all the time, so it's best just to focus on yourself and getting better. If they want to understand, great. If not, they're just not worth the frustration.

I'd love to make friends too. Unfortunately I've got the stereotypical social withdrawal look e.g. serious-looking, loner, etc and that makes it hard. If anyone has advice on making friends, please share.

[Agora1 in reply to sunrisesunset]

sunrisesunset, sharing a warm caring smile like Cjonesup is a start. It's pretty hard for most to ignore. Asking how they are and taking the time to listen to the answer. Most people like to feel someone cares enough to know. Depending on your comfort zone, a friend can be sharing life in person or a phone friend if social anxiety is too severe. The idea is being comfortable with that person. Not everyone is meant to be your friend, some are just passing acquaintances. And that's okay too.

Remembering that person on special events of their lives, being there for the good times and drying the tears through the bad. All these qualities take time to blossom into a long time friendship. Now with internet email, it's easy remembering a friend with a "just because" email to let them know you are thinking of them.

We are all human, we all need the same things in life. Acceptance of who we are, genuine caring about another, being liked or loved, knowing that someone is always in your corner no matter can lead to becoming a sister friend.

If you just want to be more outgoing, it takes coming out of your comfort zone. The other day as I was coming out of Hallmark, there was a woman I had seen in the neighborhood many times. She had progressed to a walker this time. I smiled as I held the door open for her as she struggled. I acknowledged that I had seen her many times with another smile and a "take care of yourself". She responded with a slight touch on my shoulder thanking me and wishing me a Merry Christmas. My day was complete.

I think when you experience the "high" that you get in making friends or just being nice to another, it gives you the courage to want to repeat it until you have many people who know you because of your kindness.

I haven't always been outgoing. There was a time I was very shy, introverted, walked with my head down, didn't look people in the eyes, didn't smile. Those were sad days but I didn't know any difference at that time. I didn't know it was "social anxiety".

I attended a seminar at work that was about self-esteem and confidence. I used what I learned, little steps until I became who I am today. Now where ever I go whether at the hospital or a store, people will open up to me about their lives. I swear I must have a sign written across my forehead that says "I Care" And you can too, it will change your life forever. xxx

[sunrisesunset in reply to Agora1]

Thanks. I hope to be like you someday soon. It gets me down a lot because I have Selective Mutism, probably the most extreme form of Social Anxiety. One of the signs is difficulty smiling. I won't give up. I've got a list of things I want to do, and being able to talk to strangers the way you do is one of them.

Thanks again!

[Agora1 in reply to sunrisesunset]

Thank you for sharing that bit of info on Selective Mutism. I learn everyday from others on this forum. Just go at your own pace. Nobody is pushing you. It's your choice and when you are ready, it will happen. xx

[Cjonesup in reply to Agora1]

Beautify said, thank you

[Baburaja in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for your sharing

[S2d0789]

Sometimes I can't get out of bed or want nothing more than to lay in bed all day. Sometimes small tasks exhaust me. Nobody knows the toll it takes until they go through it.

[Cjonesup in reply to S2d0789]

I don't always smile and some days I stay in bed also, I'm alone it's quiet but I stay stuck in my head thinking of all the people I'm disappointing. It makes me cry, especially when I can't join family time with my kids and grandkids. I'm so happy to have found this support online,I feel hopeful. Take care