So it started around 8/9 month ago, it started with a few nights a week i would go to bed and feel empty, then my mind would start. Telling/ explaining to myself that i will feel nothing when i pass away, everything just ends and you’ll feel cold and absolutely nothing again.
I thought it was a phase and a bad few weeks.
It then started to last longer, happening more often to the point i’d do anything to not want to be in my own bedroom.
3 months ago it started happening during the day. My daily routine is now my worse nightmare. Simple things like washing my hair, eating lunch and putting away clothes i find myself calculating how many times i can on average do this again until i’m not here to do it anymore. I find myself out with friends panicking and worrying that it’s not going to last forever and i start counting the weeks i could have left.
I had one panic attack during this and just thought i was being paranoid over something silly.
I feel as if no one will believe this voice in my head and i’m stupid, is it a phase? Is it just a bad feeling? I’m just stuck, it can’t get out this ‘phase’
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chloelouisexxx
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18 Replies
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Hi, I have been going through something similar where I couldn’t look at my parents without bawling. I wrote them a letter tell them how much I love them. I kept thinking about them dying. I would even look at strangers at think if they knew they will die. I thought this was an indication I was losing my mind, but really I think it’s my subconscious making me aware of reality. Death is a hard thing to come to terms with, we all need to make some peace with it. Now maybe a good time for you to find your spiritual belief system that makes sense of life and death for you. Once you start finding a belief system that makes sense to you the anxiety about death lessens. I have found exercise is very important for our anxiety and bringing me back to the here and now. At night I like to watch near death experience videos on YouTube. I wish you peace.
How did you find your beliefs?? Have your thoughts regarding this lessoned?
• in reply to
Lynnalice have you ever heard of Anita Moorjani?
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No I haven’t, who is she?
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She had stage 4 lymphoma and for several years and went into a coma and a subsequent NDE. Her first book is “Dying to be Me”. It changed my thinking about some things!! She travels all over speaking now. She has videos all over YouTube. You should check her out!! She rocked my world!!
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Oh wow I will!!
Maybe you could watch old programs you watched as a kid to help you take your mind off things and feel cosy when going to sleep,but go to the Dr and tell them,its past time for thinking it'll pass.the doctors hear these things often they will do what they can to help you out of this,don't suffer any more in silence okay??promise???¿
i never watched TV or films for most of my life, find it ever so boring and loose interest in it. Iv tried reading, walking music etc but again i just loose interest and switch it all off. I am looking to get myself booked in i just feel really sick of the thought they’d laugh it off
Ohno they'd never ever do that,doctors want people to talk to them,they understand everything someone comes to them with is something worth bothering about,do you have a friend or family member that can go with you but leave them in waiting area?
I wish I had an answer for getting unstuck. I pray every day for the way out and am thankful that I have people who care if I live or die. I still wish it would end sooner than later. My thoughts are with you
Hello chloelouisexxx, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this emptiness. I cannot imagine how hard things must be for you. A number of years ago I managed a community-based hospice, so I spent a lot of time with people actively dying. I heard the same emptiness from many of the patients during this time. What I discovered was that there was a sense of peace with those patients who had professed an acceptance in Christ. Not only during the end course of the disease, but during the process of active dying, there was a peace that was simply not present in those who had no belief or faith. Have you considered faith? One passage from the bible that has come to mind when I read your post was “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” Philippians 4:7 NIV. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Feeling stuck is very common for people with anxiety and depression. If this just started, you should see a psychiatrist and get a diagnosis and maybe try medication.
I have been dealing with this stuck feeling for many years. It’s important to be gentle on yourself. If you do just one or two small things a day, they are accomplishments. Even moving from the bedroom to the couch is an accomplishment. And you are NOT alone. So many of us feel this way. So definitely share and be proud of yourself for opening up. I know it’s a yucky feeling. Try writing about it. I write a paragraph a day about how I’m feeling and it’s releasing.
Yes absolutely. I’ve seen a few therapists. It helped tremendously to talk to someone who is professional and non judgmental. I moved a few times so unfortunately I couldn’t keep seeing them. But medication is the biggest type of help. Most people with mental illness should be taking Antidepressants. But start with a psychiatrist so you can get a proper diagnosis.
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