No support

[AngelEck]

I need some advice on how to handle my family. My mother and i felt like we were getting close until a year ago maybe a little longer. The last 6 months or so have been horrid. The family has gatherings without me but has my son. She watches him while i work so when she says... hey come get him about 7, i think i have free time. When i get there they are all swimming, having dinner and a general good time. I brought it to my mom's attention and she immediately got defensive and started yelling about how i was invited and i need to stop making it all up and get over myself and basically shut up. Today is my niece's 2nd birthday and i'm not going. I was going to send my son with my mom but i got a message from my sister in law about how i'm pushing my mom too far and how dare i ask her to bring him. Mind you he's 7and very self sufficient. I tried talking to her about it and my brother. We don't talk, well i talk and he answers in yes or no. Apparently i make him feel used by asking for help like putting up a screen door. I can do it. It's just something we can talk about. I'm a single mom of a wonderful, bright, loving boy who keeps me from flipping the deep end. I work 6 days a week in a labor intensive job, i'm diabetic, i bought a new house last mother's day, a new car, a dog and probably some other stuff i didn't need giving him security and achieving things no one said i could. But because i had a child i lost most of my friends. I don't have a sitter besides my mom whom i stopped asking to watch him so i could socialize because she started watching before school and i didn't want to take advantage. So now i am supported by my baby. Who hugs me when i cry. Before i go off any further into a life story, how does someone deal with family who blatantly don't care? I have gone over the texts to see if i'm missing something and i'm not. I'm sure i'm not.

[Hidden]

I don't have anything to do with my step dad, he's not a very nice person. If people can't treat you nicely & give you support , as difficult as it can be ...walk away. Sounds like you have been able to stand on your own & that my friend you should be very proud of yourself! I have no relationship with my 2 siblings, they have all the answers or should I say so they think!!! I'm here for you & will help in any way I can! Sending you love & joy!!! XXX

[AngelEck in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I am proud of myself and i know i deserve better treatment so while i agree on walking away, i can't. It is the only family my son has. I don't like to have him see the way they treat me but i don't want him to have no one besides myself. He's a boy and to them, that makes him gold.

[Hidden in reply to AngelEck]

Stand up for you!!! Don't take the malarkey from them , sounds like you are strong! You can do this, I believe in you!!! Big hugs & love!!! XXX

[AZ1970]

It sounds like the stress of raising a child as a single mom is impacting not only you, but also your family. I imagine everyone involved has a valid point from their point of view. It doesn't mean the other person is wrong. Perhaps sitting down and hearing each other out, without responding or trying to change each other's minds would be a place to start. Then you can all brainstorm how to solve the challenges. Perhaps you need to find other ways for your son to be watched while you are at work. Maybe your mom is feeling burned out. Is there an after school program he can attend? Even if he does that a few hours a day, it gives her more of a break. She needs to live her own life while she is supportive of you.

You have the hardest job in the world: being a single mom. I admire your strength and perseverance. You are to be commended for what you are doing to give your son a better life.

[AngelEck in reply to AZ1970]

When i moved we discussed watching him. I made it clear that i couldn't afford traditional daycare and a house payment and i needed her help. That if she couldn't handle it that i would wait a few more years and see where i was. She agreed and i asked at least a half a dozen times. She asks to have him extra time. Tells me to pick him up late. So i'm not sure that's her issue with everything. When i try to talk with her she yells and gets defensive. It's pointless to talk to anyone who can't keep calm. She wouldn't admit to being wrong or partially in any situation. I'm sure I've not been 100% right in my 38 years either butt i have no problem admitting it. I'm looking at daycare alternatives, my work hours make mornings impossible. Anything so maybe i can at least stop having panic attacks when i have to pick him up.

[AZ1970 in reply to AngelEck]

I hope you find a good alternative so you can have more peace. You certainly don't need the added stress with all you have going on.