Recovery help!

[Uphill09]

I have been struggling with major depression with anxiety for the last ten years. I was attempting to control it on my own for fear that a diagnosis would impact my career. But recently I had a bad episode which resulted in me seeking professional help. I was placed on venaflaxine which has been helping. With my clearer head I am now trying to rebuild my relationship with my family. But find this the most difficult. I feel vulnerable and broken when telling of my diagnosis. Yesterday I told my sister and was explaining to her how in conversations I would have a completely different interpretation when I was off medicine. Twisting the facts and getting insulted and hurt, not knowing I was doing it. She responded, all of us siblings knew you were doing that which made us afraid to talk to you. This really hurt me, mostly because I have been isolated for so long from them, and to know they were distancing themselves from me on purpose hurt. I'm struggling with accepting this without anger, why didn't they say something. Why didn't they get me help? I don't know if I even have the right to feel this way. How can I work towards accepting this? How do I rebuild what has been broken for ten years?

[lkastla]

At least you’re aware and actively trying to better yourself. I hope that things start to look up for you. You can’t change other people, but you can change yourself and it is very obvious that you are trying. Keep up the good work ❤️

[RainneLim]

Hey. I get what you mean about feeling angry and also confuse if you should feel this way. I've been dealing with depression for over 10 years too, and now I am dealing with both depression and anxiety. I finally went to the doctor too, just last month.

I think trying to talk to them was a good idea even though you learned that they kept a distant from you. Remember, they distant themselves because they didn't know how to respond to you, and that's not your fault or those. They, too, were afraid that they may say something that can cause you to feel more distress. It's an act of family love and care.

I think taking a step forward in accepting that you have depression is good. Now it is time to let your family know what you are going through. They don't need to understand. They do need to know you are going through something, and that when you're having an episode, when you irritated and hurt easily, that it is the symptoms and not you. And they need to learn to not take the symptoms personal, that they are not you.

Definitely take the time to have a deep conversation with your family. I recommend one-to-one conversation. This is how I opened up to my family too, and they were somewhat not surprise about it, but they did get an understanding why I acted the way I did, and learned to be patient with me during my episodes and wait until the symptoms have passed.

Don't hesitate to talk to me. I am always here to help out.

[Uphill09 in reply to RainneLim]

All of my family is scattered across the states. Do you think sending letters to each is avoidance? I just don't want to relapse after talking to each family member.

[RainneLim in reply to Uphill09]

I would say, just talk to a few of them, maybe just 2 to 3, or event 1, that you feel like you can trust the most. For me, I trust my sister and mom the most. So I didn't really get into details with my brothers and father.

And I don't think a letter is avoidance. I think there is a sense of genuineness in it. Telling them how much it is important for you to let them know and to show how much you trust them. No one really sends letters any more. And I think letters are beautiful. There is something so human in them in a piece of paper.

Writing a letter takes time. We write down our emotions and the truth behind those emotions. I think it's a great idea to show how they are important to you.

Now, if writing a letter takes too long for 2 to 3 people, maybe call. A nice conversation over the phone is nice. I would recommend giving them a heads up, like "hey, can we talk? I want to talk to you about something important that I hope to get your support and help in." Something along the line.

And don't forget. Family is beyond just blood. Reach out to one or two friends who you feel can support you. And if you think you're not ready to tell your friends, that what this forum is for. People here to help you and support you.

[kateba]

Been there, I spent a large part of my life being my own doctor, so to speak. It doesn't work. When I finally reached out for help I was amazed at how many friends came to me and said they went through similar problems. Anxiety and depression are a lot more common than you think. My family doctor who my mom worked for as a nurse recommended me to therapy, but he never said anything about medicine. Even many of the therapists I saw over the years never mention medicine. Not sure why. As far as family and friends they just don't understand what's going on inside someone. I know it's tough but remember you didn't get to where you got overnight, don't expect the recovery to be an overnight thing. You have many bad habits to undo. Also remember that getting better is not a smooth straight uphill line. You go forward but then regress. One thing I always saw was whenever you regress it's never as far back as it was before, and when you go forward each time you reach a little higher. I hope this helps.

One more thing - what you are dealing with is legally classified as a disability. Do not be afraid for your job, you have rights.

[Uphill09 in reply to kateba]

Unfortunately I gave up alot of my rights when I became active duty military. It's a constant fear to be discharged if my symptoms begin to interfere, but I am managing and love my job. When I have episodes I throw myself into work to help cope and am highly decorated. So far so good, still scary though.