I feel alone in this world. I stopped full contact with friends and family in April 2021. It's shown that no one reaches out to me and I was essentially the people pleaser. I'm struggling. I'm trying my best but it isn't enough, not for work or for me. I'm not enough. I'm 34 and I feel that I've failed, I moved 8000km nearly 3.5 years ago to start a new life but all its achieved is being stuck in a job that does not aid my current state and I have to stay there for PR reasons. It's awful and the result of this is an increase in both my epileptic, depression and anxiety medication.
I haven't felt anything in a very long time, I miss being me. What happened to me? I can't seem to get the bubbly, optimistic self back into gear. I've noticed recently my home is becoming more of a mess, I'm in distress and I don't know how to bounce back. I'm scared I'm going to lose my job, I'm scared the darker thoughts will overtake.
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Ladyflash
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I am sorry you are going through all of this. It sounds to me like you are spiraling down because of two reasons. The first is genuine lack of connection and the second is you are not happy with your circumstances, meaning your work and where you live. Again, I am sorry you are suffering. It is very hard to find joy in things when our suffering is so high. And when we start reflecting on how we ended up in our situation we end up shouldering all the blame and saying we are bad or as you put it "not enough". I want to state right now that you are in fact enough. You have always been enough and you will always be enough. I know it's hard to believe but it's true. The people who you cut contact with were not your real friends. You said it yourself that you were trying to please all of then and a real friendship should be a give and take. It's not about only making one side happy. That goes for any relationship actually. Each party has to respect the other in order to maintain equality and to make sure no one's toes are being stepped on. You can find new people but you must take the time to figure out what your values are and what it is that makes you valuable. We all have good qualities and traits about us you just need to look at yours and reflect on them. Also, learning the power of the word no is a huge help to people who have a problem with people pleasing. Saying no is not selfish or rude or hurtful. If everyone else can establish and maintain boundaries why not you? It is a hard battle but you can do it. Take things as they come and try to get some self care in for yourself. You matter. As for your work situation I can't advise much other than, if you are unhappy, when you get the chance you should leave and do something that makes you happy. Otherwise you will continue to be miserable. I am open to chat whenever if you need someone to talk to for venting or just to chat.
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Since I stopped communication, I have so much time of my hands and it hurts to know that I use to busy my schedule up for others yet nothing has been offered to me. My job ties with Permanent Residency, so if I leave the job, I'll have to leave the country. I will hopefully find out by March 2021 but it seems to far away, you know? Thank you, I'm new to this so will follow you on this.
Yes and that will happen. When we are bombarded with free time we are forced to be alone with ourselves, and when we are alone with ourselves we tend to think about things and reflect, this is why distractions are useful but also detrimental. It makes complete sense that your loneliness would spike now that you have so much free time. I know how you feel as I have a similar issue. I don't really have anyone in my life but I can't actually do anything about that right now so I am very lonely. I understand your work situation is difficult. All I can really say if follow what is best for you right now. If you need the money and residency then keep your job. Your safety and well being will always come first. So make sure to prioritize that. Also, no worries about figuring things out. Do what makes you comfortable.
Hi there sorry to see your having such problems for someone so young the fact your support network is not there for you is hindering you greatly! Do you get any councilling as this may help your well being! Don't be afraid of asking for help as ultimately it all comes back to you! Is there no one you can reach out to a friend you can trust of a family member! I truelly hope you can get the help you need! I'm here if you need to talk david
Yes, I do have a therapist who I see either weekly/bi weekly. The odd thing is I rarely reach out to people, hence, why I'm here I feel? When I do speak to people, it seems to backfire with gaslighting, being ignored or the focus changes onto the other person. I thought I had a great bunch of people here and in the UK but they're all moving on doing their thing. Thank you David, I'll start to follow you!
Mental health issues always have us guessing who we really are. I feel for you, me and everyone dealing with this struggle. It's such a solitary and lonely journey. We retreat and hide to protect ourselves. I recognize all the hard work it takes for you just to get through each day. It's an amazing feat. You're an amazing and beautiful soul.
I'm right there with you. How do you press restart on life, and is it even worth the effort? I don't have an answer, but I'm happy to talk. Feel free to DM me.
8,000 km is a long way to travel for work, or am I getting this wrong? Have you moved away from family, or are they here with you?
If you have moved away from family, it can be very difficult, as one way or another they are an anchor, a link to home. Also familiar sights and sounds. I get the feeling you are adrift.
Friends are a different matter. It is easy for those you aren't related to to forget about you unless they see you often. To keep a friendship going you have to work at it, call them, see them, coffee dates etc. Not easy with depression.
Cutting yourself off from folk is counterproductive, and being alone will make you feel worse than ever. Is this job so important that you can afford to let yourself go under? You say it's for PR reasons. I don't understand that. There are other jobs, or are you constrained by a visa or something to one job? Have you actually moved to a different country?
I arrived here for a working holiday and decided to stay. I always wanted to experience life elsewhere longer term and I decided to stay here as at the time, it made me happiest. The pandemic like us all, has hit us.
I have to stay in this job as it is specifically tied to Permanent Residency. I kept all the ties with friends and family but since April, it's shown how lonesome it is when I do not reach out.
So much has changed over 3.4 years. Family dynamic, friends, how I'm treated at work, how I was able to photograph so much more before the world closed down. My epilepsy, being diagnosed with an additional long term issue, the longing to feel something. It's been far too much for far too long.
Understood. Being lonely in a totally new country is worrying, but if you are to make the best of it you must bite the bullet and reach out to people who could be friends. I lived for awhile in Connecticut many years ago now, and I found it difficult to adjust to.
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