Grief from spouses suicide unlocked the door to unchecked adhd, usage, possible bipolarity. Grief is a biatch! When I was working 2 jobs and in Grad school and had a very active teaching job, the ADHD was happy,but, when I started riding a desk, I began to become less effective, no longer winning awards, anxiety surprised me!
Try scheduling a new activity, busy work - Anxiety and Depre...
EastbayTom, I am sorry about the passing of your spouse. I think anxiety was always there with your heavy work/school life but didn't surface until you were grieving. Self medicating is never the way to go. I'm glad you will be turning to a psychiatrist who will be able to address the other issues in your life and help you to become productive again.
Grief counseling will most likely be recommended by your doctor which can help you feel so not alone or lost. Please keep us updated after you see your doctor. Stay positive, stay strong. You are never alone, the forum is here for you.
I went some terrific grief counseling for myself and my two oldest daughters. I need to stay focused and immerse myself in work, volunteering, kids, present wife, God. Since I have been attpting a mid-life shift in my work related area, it has been a struggle. It is hard when I was so incredibly gifted in the area of helping troubled teens, and now I largely don't have that avenue
I hear you Tom loud and clear. I've had to shift gears myself in something I had worked so hard and had a passion for. It was hard to let go but my anxiety and then agoraphobia gave me no other choice. I have never been one to quietly sit unproductive. My mind is always wondering how I can help society in another way that is beneficial.
I too have done a lot of volunteering in my life in addition to working. It is self satisfying. I hope you find your way around this change in your life. Out of changes can come good surprises. Stay focused but keep your options open. Believe in yourself and all you are capable of giving to others. My best to you Tom.
I am best when I am alturistucally living. My Great-Great Grandfather Timothy Calnan from Ireland started this tradition in America, my Grandmother (101, and doing great), speaks of his giving heart, and her father was the same, as is my dad. I am the link in the chain. I need to fully take-on the family charge, and live givingly. I have largely (21-years as at-risk Hugh school teacher), but, my works need to emulate my passion. This will save me.