New here

[weegmack]

Hey, I’m new here and hoping to find some support.

I have GAD, OCD, depression and suspect I have complex PTSD. Right now I feel terrible, miserable and lost. X

[Hidden]

Hi and Welcome weegmack!

I can relate to that lost feeling. I think anyone with mental health issues does. I feel that way when I’m in the midst of a depressive episode...along with miserable! I think you’ll like this forum as the people are friendly and very supportive. Tell me a little bit more about how you’re feeling...

[weegmack in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the welcome 😊. I was reading an article about complex PTSD and I think I need to explore that more. I’ve had so much therapy and I’m still not coping.

*trigger warning*

It’s kind of embarrassing. I suffered mental abuse and emotional neglect as a child. My dad was an alcoholic and verbally abusive and occasionally violent towards my mum. I’ve always had IBS (though we didn’t know that term when I was a child - I’m 43 now). My mother never helped me - she got angry with me about it and blamed me for ruining holidays. We had a touring caravan and I was forbidden to use the wee chemical toilet in the caravan. I would often have terrible IBS through the night and I was told to “hold it in and be quiet”. Nobody would take me to a toilet block or anything. I was forced to eat when I couldn’t and accused of being lazy or getting out of doing chores when I desperately needed the toilet. I had no control over this lack of support, no way of stopping my dad from drinking until he vomitted, no way of getting away from it all. And you didn’t argue with my parents!

My dad died 21 years ago and my married a much older man, who passed away in March. I have tried to talk to her about those times as a child, but she has drawn a line under her “old life”. She doesn’t want to know and doesn’t understand mental health at all. She thinks I’m cured because I was discharged from Community Mental Health (even though I’d just been given the allotted time).

I’ve learned from the CPN about boundaries with Mum and that she’s never going to change. But I am beside myself with anxiety still and a wreck if I have IBS. My learned response is to be embarrassed, panic-stricken, that I’m an inconvenience. When I read about Complex PTSD, it just ticked all the boxes. I’m so exhausted and dreading another day of waking up in a panic. I will literally freak out if my stomach so much as gurgles. You can imagine this impacts on my life greatly - I hardly see anyone and never eat out. Xx

[Hidden in reply to weegmack]

Wow! What an out-pouring of support on this thread! I’m impressed and can feel a definite warmth emanating from the others here!

I also suffered from verbal and physical abuse as a child. It really creates havoc in your life! I have always had trouble with negative self-talk as a result of the abuse. My Mother never helped me either...she never stopped him from beating me. Your Mum probably can’t handle the truth and its consequences. They belong to a different generation where such things aren’t discussed. Don’t be embarrassed about your situation as you didn’t cause it. I can’t imagine the distress it caused then and now. I hope things begin to improve for you...try to leave the past in the past! Sending you hugs!!

[weegmack in reply to Hidden]

Thank you - I’m so sorry for what you suffered as a child too. I think you’re right - my mum can’t and won’t handle the truth and consequences. I hope you’re doing ok. Xxx

[Hidden]

Hi. I'm new here also. Sounds like your fighting too many battles. I know all that you have to deal with is difficult. I suffer with most of the same things. I've been feeling pretty miserable myself. But I'll tell you what I've found here. A lot of people who actually DO UNDERSTAND and they care because they're going through the same things. Or they've been there, or here rather, where we are. I know you're going to find support here! I have and I only signed up yesterday. Write back if you like. But I'll follow you so I can just check in

[weegmack in reply to Hidden]

I am fighting too many battles. I’ve posted a small novel in reply to the first comment, so maybe you could read that.

It’s good to be somewhere that people actually understand, - we have to support each other

[Hidden in reply to weegmack]

Dear weegmack,

Jesse! You've been through a whole hell of a lot! How could you ever get through to parents that first ignored your physical illness, which I know is a very hard to live with? It's not surprising that you may have developed IBS as a result of the verbal, emotional abuse. It sounds like your parents were trying to deal with their own demons and didn't realize what it was doing to you, all the way around. I would understand any lingering anger, not saying that you have any, I don't know. So now you're an adult having to work through your past, and present and it must be extremely overwhelming! I'm truly sorry this happened to you! But if you survived all of that, I know you can start to heal with hopefully the support on this forum, maybe some cognitive behavioral therapy? That has worked for me in the past although it was short lived due to my financial situation. What do you think?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

JEESE! Is what I meant!!! Lol.

[weegmack in reply to Hidden]

Hey there Mitch49 - thanks for your support. I’ve had CBT twice and it just doesn’t do it for me. I think I’m just too angry and still looking for something from my mum that I’m never going to get. My most recent session of therapy with a CPN (who was just so lovely) was more about depression, because I had a total breakdown last August. So she talked me through a lot of the things I’m struggling to let go of. I think I’m just still reeling from the sheer amount of horrible memories I carry and also the ones I had stuffed away. It’s the realisation that my mum will never say sorry and never understand what she’s done to me. And some other people too. And I’m left with GAD, OCD and IBS (I’m a woman of code lol). I’m going to ask for another referral through the NHS, though I waited 15 months the last time (I was referred some time before my breakdown). Xxx

[Hidden]

I'm new too weegmack. Just signed up today. I don't have a lot of advice, but I am here to listen and talk.

[Runningfargal]

I’m new too. I have a hard time opening up even on-line but it is nice to know we aren’t alone and can support each other.

[opalgrl2308]

I'm sorry you're dealing with so much. The best suggestion I can offer is to talk to your doctor, (if you have a family doctor) and get referrals for therapy, counselling, or whatever resource you feel would help you best. Finding resources to help you is a good first step.

[Windy101]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling that way. I've definitely dealth with depression, anxiety, and feeling lost and very alone. But we're not alone, not here. We all understand what it's like to have symptoms and to be struggling. So you've definitely come to the right place! What do you feel like you need the most right now?

[weegmack in reply to Windy101]

Hey Windy101 - you’re right, this is a very supportive place here! Right now I feel I need some serious space from my mum and my sister, but I have no idea how to do that without causing a whole heap of upset. My mum is so oblivious and the past in the past for her. She has zero concept of boundaries too. I’m on holiday just now and she messages me a lot. I also feel I need to go back to the GP and get referred back to Community Mental Health (cue another million months of waiting....) x

[seekjoydaily]

Hi weegmack! So sorry that you are going through all this. It is definitely overwhelming! I have not heard about complex PTSD. Can you elaborate on that? I hope you are getting support through medications and counseling. I applaud your effort to be vulnerable and reach out here as well. Asking for help and creating a support network are great steps. Keep up the good work. Sorry to hear about the IBS. I have suffered with that as well though my episodes are more acute than chronic. It can be quite debilitating and embarrassing for sure! The gut can be a place that harbors one's internalized anxiety. There are functional meds for the condition. Have you talked to your primary doctor about it to maybe get some help with the symptoms? Hope you get some relief quickly!

[weegmack in reply to seekjoydaily]

Hello there - you’re right about the gut! It’s such a complex organ - it’s like another brain. I’ve been seeing my GP for years about it and I’ve also had a few consultants see me at the hospital (gastroenterologists). All I get is a pat on the head and told I have IBS and some inflammation in my stomach. I also have a hiatus hernia, which causes pain - but they don’t want to do anything about it. My GP is sympathetic, but there’s only so much she can do for me because I think IBS is so different for each person. So I try to control it with Laxido and I’m very careful with what I eat and drink (no wheat, low dairy, low saturated fat, no saccharine, no aspartame and no sucralose!). Stress and anxiety make it pretty unbearable. Horrible, vicious circle.....x