I have lived with this for 60 years without family recognition or support, only recrimination and blame.

[freddie89]

I am now lonely, silent and cant go out without alcohol support, which only makes things worse. Recurring suicidal thoughts, Have tried three or four times only one of which I was surprised to wake up in Hospital from, and found myself saddened. At 73 it seems an acceptable action. I would only be giving up 20 more years of misery!

[Strongheartforever]

Just want to send you a hug, a big one. So sorry for this pain you are in. Don’t know if there’s really an answer for it. I fear aging and the stress it brings and the loneliness that awaits, the chronic pain. Most of us must have this fear. Wish I could help you somehow but at least I can tell you that you are heard and seen and loved by all of us here. A friend from here who lives on the other side of the planet sent me a one-sentence statement this morning that blew me away with its simple beauty “If my arms were long enough I’d send you a hug”. So I want to say the same to you. Your angels are keeping you here for a reason. If there is the smallest thing you can do to brighten someone’s day, even a smile or a few words, you can change a life. ☀️🌞☀️

[freddie89 in reply to Strongheartforever]

Thanks for an early reply. There may be help here. Where do we go now?

[morenews]

i am so sorry and sad that you feel this way. I hope that not every and single day is filled with this mood you are in today. I hug you and send you some energy ...i want you to be alive and smile sometimes, it would make me very happy, it would give me hope. thank you for opening up here.

[fauxartist]

I'm sorry you’re in this place of despair....it's a hard place to be in....I understand self medicating to try and relieve some of your loneliness and depression...especially when feeling alienated. No judgement from me at all....been there and done that too. I'm in my mid-sixties, and honestly, at a certain age you’re just tired, I really understand that. I have what's called among other issues, dual diagnosis. Depression and addiction. So it's a double whammy. I am an alcoholic...and when I drink, I compound my depression and make it much worse because alcohol is a depressant. I can tell you not to drink, and that you can then get into some sort of support group for recovery....and tell you it's never too late to live what's left of your life in a bit of a better space in your head....

But you would have to decide to do that....and to not have to live 20 more years in misery....maybe you don't have to...I never thought I would have hope at 60....miracles do happen....I am one. Every day....even on my worst days with this disease....it's still better than a day drinking myself into oblivion on those binge days. I was a high bottom drinker...didn't take much to tank me....but none the less....the damage was done.

I have a new life now...no, ..nothing is ever perfect...but it's a darn sight better now than it's ever been in my whole life.

There is hope....for anyone....and everyone....

[Strongheartforever in reply to fauxartist]

Wow Faux, that gave me hope. Thank you for your unending strength and what you bring to this place. You just gave me so much hope to put in my back pocket for those rough days. I’m 42 and sometimes feel so old and tired and at a loss of how I’ll get through this second half. But sometimes, like now reading your reply, I get a sense that I can take all that I’ve learned and move forward with grace.

[fauxartist in reply to Strongheartforever]

it's very healing for me to hear that Strongheartforever....thank you

[hypercat54 in reply to fauxartist]

You bring me great comfort too faux. Much of it is being a similar age and understanding. Luvs ya. xx

[fauxartist in reply to hypercat54]

back at ya pal...

[hypercat54 in reply to fauxartist]

xx

[freddie89 in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks. Maybe this site will work. I just dunno where to go from here?

[hypercat54]

Hi Freddie sorry if I hijacked your post a bit. I don't think it's a case of the site working but we all do support and help each other. The great thing about an online site like this is that we all understand as we are going through the same sorts of things. We are also all different ages and have different experiences and we come from a wide social group.

I find to get the best from the site join in and answer others as well as posting. That way we will get to know you and you us. Whilst real life friends are always better, online friends can add a lot to your life too. x

[Strongheartforever in reply to hypercat54]

I’d say we are real life friends but I know what you’re saying. What may help you Freddie is airing it all out here, anonymously. It’s like laying down your burdens in a beautiful garden you can come back to. Feels like an imaginary dream world where you can dip in and out and be heard and embraced on a deep level of human to human communication. Yes, this site can “work”, yes it is a healing place, yes please find comfort here. When you first start writing it will be waterfalls of built up pain and howling with us wolves and then that vulnerability opens you up and beauty comes forth and you start comforting others. I invite you to be healed but it takes faith and guts which you have plenty of.

[hypercat54 in reply to Strongheartforever]

Oh thanks for that compliment shf - that's lovely and I think so too. You took it in the right way which is how I meant it. I have actually struck up real life friendships with online friends and telephone and email a few.

I do have a number of real life friends but only a couple of them understand depression issues and others don't believe in them! I speak mainly about my issues on here and it is a great resource. x