Is It Bad If I Only Continue To Live For Others And Not Myself?

[HealingWillow]

The only reason I'm not already dead is because I'm staying alive for some family members and friends.

Is that bad?

[happyseal]

I’m the same. That’s called your anchors. Which could be your family or even religion. That’s what I’ve been told I’m talking therapy. So it is a good thing. Do your best. Ohh and practicing self compassion also helps. Give talking therapies a go.

[HealingWillow in reply to happyseal]

I've been told its a good thing I have them but I should live for myself. Which I don't really understand but my therapist and I are working on it.

[hypercat54]

No one can live only for others without becoming very unhappy and depressed. Do you think those who love you don't have some understanding of how you feel? That is a lot of pressure to put on them isn't it? Have you thought of that? The other thing it's essential to look after your own needs. I have seen many on here who say they feel selfish if they put their own needs first sometimes or practice self care. They are no longer a 'nice' person if they do that. The reverse is true. I have said this a number of times on here but will say it again. If you are happier then those around you, especially those who love you, will be happier too. If you think about it you will realise how true this is. Once you can focus on yourself you will go on a journey of self discovery and eventually will want to carry on living for YOU as well.

I will leave you to ponder this for a while.

[HealingWillow in reply to hypercat54]

It might just be the crying but I have no idea what you mean in the four first sentences.

[hypercat54 in reply to HealingWillow]

Ok. Put yourself in someone else's shoes for a moment. If you were aware that a loved one is only living for you and other loved ones, how would you feel? Wouldn't you feel bad for them? Would you like to feel that kind of pressure? Would you feel you have to be extra nice to them at all times as you don't want them to feel worse about themselves? Ok I may be way off beam here, or you might not be in a place where you can think about it (too painful etc). That's fine so ignore me if you want to.

I am giving you an honest genuine response but if you are unhappy with what I say just tell me and I will be happy to delete my replies. I am only trying to offer my own experiences and I do understand what you are saying.

The written word can be difficult to interpret and I don't know if you are just looking to vent or just want kind words, so like I said if what I said isn't what you are looking for no hard feelings. Ok?

[HealingWillow in reply to hypercat54]

I appreciate the offer of you deleting posts and such, that means a lot to me. Does the same wording apply if they aren't aware that I'm living for them and not myself?

[hypercat54 in reply to HealingWillow]

I don't know your circumstances but what I will say is don't underestimate other peoples understanding. Your loved ones must know you well so they could be aware of something like this. They also don't want to see you unhappy. Having loved ones is a big bonus to staying alive, but it's not healthy for you to only do it for them. Do it for them but also for you.

Does that make sense? I hope so.

[HealingWillow in reply to hypercat54]

Yes that makes sense. You're right they might already know, but I doubt it. Especially since as far as they know I've been getting better the past few years and haven't been in a pit like this since freshman year of high school. I do agree though, if I knew that would definitely be a lot of pressure. I do appreciate your genuine opinion by the way. Thank you hypercat54. I appreciate you.

[hypercat54 in reply to HealingWillow]

Aw bless. Take care of yourself sweetheart xx

[gnsbao13]

This is a great question I think about all the time. I feel I am living for the people around me and not myself. Doing “what I am supposed to do” because it’s what every wants of me. I think it’s good that you and your therapist are talking about living for yourself. I think living for the people around you will can be damaging to ones self

[Shnookie]

Hi this is Shnookie. There was a Jewish philosopher named Hillel who said if I am not for myself then who will be for me ?Go to U tube and play the disco classic by

Diva 👨‍🎤 Gloria Gaynor I will survive Get up and dance 💃🏼 get into the words of the music then U can turn on the Spanish

version by the fabulous Celia Cruz Gloria Estefan and other great Spanish speaking

Singers, Yo vivire I will go on living get U and dance to this too. Concentrate on yourself and get into the joy of the music

U R worth it. I’m here 4 U

Hugs 🤗 Shnookie